Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: We finally finished that dinner service with the fashion show, which was not exciting, but since the men are all horndogs this season we had to listen to all of them drool over the models. Whatever. The women did reasonably well, even though Tiffany wasn’t so hot and Robyn ran out of beef. The men had to deal with Clemenza getting slammed on the fish station and the rest of them not really helping. In the end, Clemenza’s passion and ability to stand up for himself saved him from elimination, and Guy went home. (click for more)
Clemenza doesn’t care that he has no friends on his team. Patrick, for no reason, takes him aside back in the dorms and bitches at him some more. Or praises him? Who knows. I find Patrick to be kind of weird.
In the morning, Clemenza promises to be ready to go. Today they will have to adapt. When the challenge starts, they have to open the domes, and grab a protein from whatever is there. Every few minutes, they have to grab something else. 30 minutes to cook. Second dome is starches. They’re supposed to collaborate on what goes with what so everyone can make something, but Dana says “First come, first serve, bitches” and says she wants to shine for herself. Justin is making ravioli with lasagna noodles and monkfish mousse. Kimmie also has lasagna noodles, but she doesn’t know what to do with them. She wants everyone to talk about who will get what out of the next dome, even though they have no idea what will be in there. She decides to just take whatever she wants. Kimmie practically pushes people. The women shove each other to snatch things, while the men (plus Roshni) seem slightly more civilized. Ramsey tells everyone to make sure they use everything they took. Robyn complains about beets being too “earthy”. The last dome is “wild card” so it’s like, shrimp, cheese, quail eggs, whatever. Roshni opens a wine bottle with her teeth which makes me wince every time. Royce says he loves his dish. So it must suck.
Ramsey has guest judges with Michelin stars, which he is kind of obsessed with, but the judges are Anita Lo, Douglas Keane, and Michael Cimarusti. Anita, slumming it on Fox. Each dish gets between one and three stars. Tiffany: monkfish with tarragon cous cous and brown butter sauce. And quail eggs. Delicious and well cooked. 6 stars total for her. Justin: roasted monkfish with the ravioli and heirloom tomato salad. It ended up working, to everyone’s surprise. 6 stars for him too. Barbie: pan roasted guinea hen with potato shrimp hash. She only gets 5 stars, as Michael didn’t like it. Why not? Why won’t you let him explain? Sigh. Clemenza: herb roasted hen with grilled zucchini and herb roasted potatoes. Michael seems impressed that such a large man would put out such an elegant-looking dish. Heh. It’s a little too spicy. Same 5 stars. Still a tie! Shocking! Roshni: turkey roulade with celeriac and carrot slaw. Sadly the turkey is dry and she only gets 3 stars. Kimmie has Cajun turkey breast pasta. 3 stars for you too.
Dana: lemon herb veal chop. Nice. 6 stars. Brian: “ethnic fusion” veal shop. He tries to introduce his dish by talking in multiple languages, which is stupid, but the veal is cooked well. 6 stars. OK, show, I know when the last people come up you want to have a tie. But couldn’t you have made some of these uneven? Do we ALWAYS have to be in a tie? I mean really. Robyn: pork tenderloin which is supposed to have beets but she actually says “I hate beets”. So they are not on the plate. Ramsey tells her she’s dumb for admitting to “esteemed” judges that she hates something, so she says “I’m sorry judges, I couldn’t have any more love for the beets”. At least I think that’s what she said. It’s stupid either way. Only 3 stars because the whole dish is sad. Patrick of course loves his ingredients, and we don’t even have to know what’s in his dish, he gets 6 stars and so the men are up by 3. Royce: poached lobster in saffron and thyme, but we‘ve already seen him talking about how great it is, so I assume he fails. Immediately one of the judges pulls out a hair. Ouch. Royce’s only saving grace is that it’s like 12 inches long, which is even longer than Roshni’s. Also Royce has not removed the “shit sack”. 3 stars. Christina: steamed lobster tail with heirloom tomatoes. Delicious, but can she get more than 6 stars? Of course! The women win by one point. And Christina actually can claim she won it for the team, as she had the only dish with 3 stars, plus it’s going to be on the menu for the next service. Women get to go to a spa. Men have to prep both kitchens, and clean the dorms. Robyn and Barbie decide to rub it in and start bitching that the dorm bathroom smells like urine and is full of hair somehow. Also the red team gets a “surprise”: everyone gets cookware. Woo.
The spa is pretty sweet. The men complain, sort of. As the women soak in tubs in their swimsuits, Barbie says she doesn’t want to get in the tub because she doesn’t want to share “bodily fluids” with anyone. They’re not even naked. But I have to say, Robyn in confessional looks rough. I don’t know if it’s the curly hair or what, but she suddenly looks 5 years older. Anyway, Robyn says Barbie is just ignorant anyway.
When the women get back for service, Robyn asks Barbie about a salad. I think. Barbie doesn’t even answer, and then says “You’re working that station, aren’t you?” I guess Barbie doesn’t feel she needs to answer anything and Robyn should know. Robyn says she’s never worked that station before so that’s why she’s asking. Then she ruins it by muttering about Barbie and how she needs to “sink or swim” and whatever. They edit it like Barbie totally heard her, but then they go to commercial so who knows. See? When we get back from commercial we don’t even mention it.
Ramsey announces there will be special guests in the “chef’s tables”, which are inside the kitchen. The men will have Tito Ortiz, who is a mixed martial artist, I think. Women will have Sugar Ray Leonard. Robyn and Justin will be taking care of the special guests. Clemenza knows his team is looking to get rid of him, so he needs to do well, but the first dish is undercooked pasta. Christina brings up delicious risotto, so they’re doing better. Brian points out that Clemenza, as an Italian, should know what he’s doing with pasta. He does get appetizers out.
VIPs arrive. Christina’s station is right next to the table, so she fears for her safety. “I’m sure his wife can throw a punch too”. Heh. Sadly, her risotto is undercooked. Brian is doing stupid shadowboxing dancing moves, but then he brings up soupy risotto. Tito is smirking. I have the feeling he agreed to be the VIP so he could have a front-row seat for watching donuts get yelled at by Ramsey. That’s why I would go, anyway. Seriously, now he is outright laughing. Christina’s second attempt is perfect. Brian’s second attempt is also perfect. Cheesy Rocky-esque music plays as Brian goes over and apologizes for screwing up the first time, and then does his stupid shadowboxing footwork, complete with sound effects. Tito just shakes his head, as one does with weirdoes.
Women are on entrees, and Tiffany is trying to see if her Wellingtons are done by inserting a paring knife, then testing the temperature. It’s not a bad idea, except she puts the knife on her lower lip and then puts it back in the steak. When she gets yelled at, for some reason Robyn pipes up and agrees with Ramsey that it’s unsanitary. No one asked you. Barbie gets yelled at for standing around. Roshni is on meat, and serves up raw Wellington and overcooked steak. Roshni promises this is not her best. Heh, Tito is laughing at them. Clemenza offers to help her. Robyn schmoozes the VIPs and tells them her life story for no reason. They look irritated, while Robyn is convinced they love her. Tiffany kicks Barbie off her (Tiffany’s) station. Tiffany claims to not need help, but the Wellingtons are raw and the pastry is falling off. In the middle of Ramsey yelling at everyone, Barbie shoves her way around everyone with a pan of Wellingtons, saying she’s going to go put them in the oven. Ramsey is still yelling at you. Tiffany says she IS organized, Barbie is picking up food that is cooked, and Ramsey just tells Tiffany she needs to say so. I think she did. Roshni is in the weeds, but she claims she’s fighting back. Somehow the meat is fine, but Patrick’s lobster is cold. Tiffany’s second attempt is perfect, and Ramsey tells her basically to be consistent. He says “What’s next?” and she says “Uhh…a perfect Wellington, chef?” Hee. Ramsey just walks away. The women are back on track. Patrick’s lobster is cold again, so he gets kicked out. Wait…he kicked EVERYONE out. The whole Blue team is removed, Ramsey saying he’ll do it himself. Wow. Robyn thanks people for their help, as they finish service and run over to serve the Blue team’s tables. The women argue more, and are more annoying overall, but I must admit they do seem able to ignore all of it to get shit done.
As the men are up in the dorms, Chef Scott comes for a visit. Oh, man, this should be fantastic. Awwww, he’s only there to send them downstairs. Ramsey meets them in the hallway, telling them they aren’t fit to set foot in the kitchen and that the women are so much better than they are. Obviously they are the losers. Patrick, although he screwed up twice, puts up Clemenza and Brian for appetizers. Justin and Roshni nod, because as long as your name is not mentioned, people pretty much agree with anything. Clemenza says that’s stupid, as does Brian, who puts up Patrick and Roshni. Roshni points out only one of her tables got sent back. We don’t see Patrick stand up for himself.
Brian is up for elimination, he says because his teammates said the first ticket slowed them down, and that was his fault. Ramsey is confused, and actually says that doesn’t make any sense. Clemenza is the second nominee, and Ramsey is still confused. The appetizers were not the problem. Ramsey accuses the men’s team of not taking this seriously, and just names Roshni and Patrick as the worst. Haven’t you figured this out yet? Ramsey is just going to do whatever he feels like anyway. You can’t get rid of people you don’t like, unless they also suck at cooking. Patrick claims to be a good leader. Roshni says she’s improved since she switched teams, and is a team player. Also the first night she was on this team, she and Brian finished dinner service by themselves. True that. Ramsey asks everyone who should go home, and everyone says Roshni but Royce, because of course Royce wants to take Patrick’s place as leader. Roshni yells at everyone about that one service when she didn’t get kicked out, and the women applaud, but seriously? You know she’s only doing it because that’s what Clemenza did yesterday and Ramsey kept him around. So now everyone is going to insist they are not done, they’re fighters, yell at everyone else that they are good enough, whatever. But this time it doesn’t help, because Roshni gets eliminated. Ramsey is nice to her, though, and tells her she has heart and hold your head high. Roshni is upset, and she points out that she never got involved in all the bullshit, which would be a really good point on any other show. Blue team! Don’t fuck with me! Fuck off! Patrick says Royce has it out for him, as if he only just now realized that. Brian thinks everyone is threatened by him.
Next time: Royce is annoying, everyone is pissed, it looks like they have one of those challenges where they have to pick one dish not to serve and of course it is great, Kimmie raps (ugh) and then burns herself.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Hell's Kitchen 6/25/12--"13 Chefs Compete pt. 2" summary
Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Poor timing resulted in an entire episode focused on the first challenge, where Robyn didn’t listen and made Kimmie cry (while simultaneously prompting Kimmie to make threats). Also it is “Fashion Night”. Danielle was eliminated early on, but then we didn’t even get any of the dinner service before the episode is over. (click for more)
Oh, please, announcer guy. You always say it’s “the most shocking ____ ever”.
We’re reminded Clemenza has already started cooking scallops, both in the “Previously on” segment and right at the beginning of the show proper. He’s wasted four orders. Also Royce and Kimmie are supposed to work the pass. Ramsey promises to give them a two minute warning, and Tiffany promises not to screw up. As the fashion show starts, Brian leers at the models as Dana doesn’t want the models staring at her. They’re not that hot, but then again, I’m not a guy. The clothes are OK. It finally is over and the women kick it into gear. Barbie gets bossy and tries to micromanage Tiffany. Tiffany is just disgusted. Kimmie catches that the scallops are jacked up, so Barbie gloats in confessional. Tiffany claims to not know who cooked them, which is valid since Barbie is all over the place. Tiffany’s confessional is a solid bleep. The men’s team is actually doing well, I guess as long as they don’t run out of scallops. Ramsey lists off five or six tables all at once, and Clemenza seems to be cooking like six orders at once. Tiffany redeems herself. Robyn for some reason comes over and butts in on Christina and Dana. They brush her off and she’s offended. Seriously, they haven’t screwed up yet, and you’re pretty much pushing them out of the way. Robyn promises that one day they’ll need help and then they’ll see! Christina and Dana don’t need her help, because after 20 minutes they’ve served all the red team’s appetizers. Sadly the men are waiting for 16 orders of scallops from Clemenza, who points out that the stove is only so big. Ramsey has to yell at them before Guy offers to cook some on his side of the stove. Neither of them can cook anything, it looks like. Royce has to go tell them backstage they need another five minutes, so of course he’s drooling over models and whatever. Why are all the men this season such horndogs? Finally Brian jumps in and the men serve everything.
Ramsey yells at everyone, then makes them repeat the orders, how many of each thing and whatever. The men are fine, but Barbie fails. Robyn is right, which leads to very annoying posturing in confessional. She’s about to throw up some gang signs. Remember how Barbie and Robyn hated each other in the first episode? And then we pretended that wasn’t happening so we could watch Danielle and Kimmie? Yeah…they still hate each other. The second fashion show is swimwear and the men are distracted again, which, I still don’t think those girls are all that hot. Guy is not searing things properly. Dana tells us there is no extra filet, and Robyn better not screw up. Robyn curses and freaks out, for no reason because it’s fine. Clemenza serves up some swordfish that is stuck to the pan. More embarrassing because it’s his dish from the first challenge. He recooks something and hollers for a plate to put it on, which means everyone mocks him for some reason. Robyn had beginner’s luck, apparently, because now she’s overcooked her filet. She wants someone to go ask the men if they have extra, and Tiffany starts to go but then says she’s scared of Ramsey. I would be too. Robyn bitches about it, but if she’s so desperate she should go herself. Finally Christina goes over, but as soon as Ramsey turns around she bails. Robyn refuses to admit she’s screwed up, but then won’t tell Ramsey how long until the beef is ready. Finally she admits she overcooked it, and then says she wants to go over and ask the men for some. Ramsey points out that it’s a competition, so what are you thinking? Tiffany gloats that she wisely stayed out of trouble. Robyn has to go to the table and explain. Tiffany is supposed to be on fish, but she seems to be ordering Christina around and telling her how to cook the fish. Barbie is flabbergasted for some reason. Who cares? Guy brings up some cold beef, except in interview he says it’s “warm”. The swordfish from Christina is cold, because apparently after it was cooked Tiffany let it sit there too long. Christina says she grilled it, but Ramsey knows she’s not on fish right now. Tiffany just stands there, while pretty much everyone knows Tiffany is at fault here. The women are finally done with entrees, by some miracle, and it’s implied that Kimmie is screwing them by being slow, but nothing happens. They do the same thing with Royce, but with the addition of the phrases “Guy’s hot beef” and “Royce’s ability to be a master…plater”. That’s not even funny. Royce gets yelled at briefly for using a dirty rag to wipe plates, but finally that is over too.
Christina points out that they all still hate each other, but no one got kicked out and as long as they can keep it together during service, then whatever. Ramsey comes into the kitchen, I guess to clean up, and finds a whole pan of cooked swordfish. We’re talking eleven pieces. Somehow Ramsey immediately knows it’s Royce’s fault, because he thinks Royce told Clemenza the wrong number. They seem to be arguing over 17 versus 18, so I’m not sure how 11 extra pieces got cooked.
Women win, because they were better, obviously. They even get a “Good Job!” Kimmie claims she and Robyn are friends and friends fight. The women dance around. Patrick tries to nominate Clemenza, who immediately refuses to be nominated. Royce joins in, and everyone does, which is great and all but they need two people. Clemenza thinks he pulled his weight and then some. For no apparent reason, Robyn pulls Christina into the bedroom and asks her about how she refused to let Robyn help on apps. They talk it out, because Robyn thinks it’s a pattern, but I do give her credit for being calm and doing it in private. Christina is annoyed, and as they leave the room they seem OK, but they’re both still mad at the other one. The men finally put up Guy, because of the beef, so Guy goes back to Brian and says he didn’t help Clemenza enough. Brian totally flips out. Clemenza throws Patrick into the mix, because if Patrick is going to be the leader, he should have helped Clemenza. Roshni hems and haws about her second nomination until she finally picks someone. Who is it? I bet there will be another commercial before we find out!
Clemenza is up for jacking up the fish station. Then Roshni says the second person was “difficult”, and she names Brian and Guy, and then…a commercial! See, I told you. There is some measure of comfort in such a predictable show. Finally she says Guy. Guy says he is a fighter and is a better chef than Clemenza. Clemenza reminds them his dish was on the menu, and he’s won some challenges. Everyone says Clemenza should go home, as Clemenza insists he’s never given up and he’s always given 100%, everyone is trying to get rid of him but he’s better than all of them. Ramsey says he’s done well, and had a bad night, but is he done? He claims he’ll go do another dinner service right now. Ramsey nods. Clemenza! Back in line! The women cheer, with Robyn being especially happy. Huh? OK. Guy is out. He thinks Ramsey made the wrong decision, and he stands behind everything he did. Clemenza! Use your passion! Piss off! He hates everyone. Robyn is impressed with his passion. Guy was too inconsistent, says Ramsey.
Next time: scrambling for ingredients, random famous boxers, fail all around.
Oh, please, announcer guy. You always say it’s “the most shocking ____ ever”.
We’re reminded Clemenza has already started cooking scallops, both in the “Previously on” segment and right at the beginning of the show proper. He’s wasted four orders. Also Royce and Kimmie are supposed to work the pass. Ramsey promises to give them a two minute warning, and Tiffany promises not to screw up. As the fashion show starts, Brian leers at the models as Dana doesn’t want the models staring at her. They’re not that hot, but then again, I’m not a guy. The clothes are OK. It finally is over and the women kick it into gear. Barbie gets bossy and tries to micromanage Tiffany. Tiffany is just disgusted. Kimmie catches that the scallops are jacked up, so Barbie gloats in confessional. Tiffany claims to not know who cooked them, which is valid since Barbie is all over the place. Tiffany’s confessional is a solid bleep. The men’s team is actually doing well, I guess as long as they don’t run out of scallops. Ramsey lists off five or six tables all at once, and Clemenza seems to be cooking like six orders at once. Tiffany redeems herself. Robyn for some reason comes over and butts in on Christina and Dana. They brush her off and she’s offended. Seriously, they haven’t screwed up yet, and you’re pretty much pushing them out of the way. Robyn promises that one day they’ll need help and then they’ll see! Christina and Dana don’t need her help, because after 20 minutes they’ve served all the red team’s appetizers. Sadly the men are waiting for 16 orders of scallops from Clemenza, who points out that the stove is only so big. Ramsey has to yell at them before Guy offers to cook some on his side of the stove. Neither of them can cook anything, it looks like. Royce has to go tell them backstage they need another five minutes, so of course he’s drooling over models and whatever. Why are all the men this season such horndogs? Finally Brian jumps in and the men serve everything.
Ramsey yells at everyone, then makes them repeat the orders, how many of each thing and whatever. The men are fine, but Barbie fails. Robyn is right, which leads to very annoying posturing in confessional. She’s about to throw up some gang signs. Remember how Barbie and Robyn hated each other in the first episode? And then we pretended that wasn’t happening so we could watch Danielle and Kimmie? Yeah…they still hate each other. The second fashion show is swimwear and the men are distracted again, which, I still don’t think those girls are all that hot. Guy is not searing things properly. Dana tells us there is no extra filet, and Robyn better not screw up. Robyn curses and freaks out, for no reason because it’s fine. Clemenza serves up some swordfish that is stuck to the pan. More embarrassing because it’s his dish from the first challenge. He recooks something and hollers for a plate to put it on, which means everyone mocks him for some reason. Robyn had beginner’s luck, apparently, because now she’s overcooked her filet. She wants someone to go ask the men if they have extra, and Tiffany starts to go but then says she’s scared of Ramsey. I would be too. Robyn bitches about it, but if she’s so desperate she should go herself. Finally Christina goes over, but as soon as Ramsey turns around she bails. Robyn refuses to admit she’s screwed up, but then won’t tell Ramsey how long until the beef is ready. Finally she admits she overcooked it, and then says she wants to go over and ask the men for some. Ramsey points out that it’s a competition, so what are you thinking? Tiffany gloats that she wisely stayed out of trouble. Robyn has to go to the table and explain. Tiffany is supposed to be on fish, but she seems to be ordering Christina around and telling her how to cook the fish. Barbie is flabbergasted for some reason. Who cares? Guy brings up some cold beef, except in interview he says it’s “warm”. The swordfish from Christina is cold, because apparently after it was cooked Tiffany let it sit there too long. Christina says she grilled it, but Ramsey knows she’s not on fish right now. Tiffany just stands there, while pretty much everyone knows Tiffany is at fault here. The women are finally done with entrees, by some miracle, and it’s implied that Kimmie is screwing them by being slow, but nothing happens. They do the same thing with Royce, but with the addition of the phrases “Guy’s hot beef” and “Royce’s ability to be a master…plater”. That’s not even funny. Royce gets yelled at briefly for using a dirty rag to wipe plates, but finally that is over too.
Christina points out that they all still hate each other, but no one got kicked out and as long as they can keep it together during service, then whatever. Ramsey comes into the kitchen, I guess to clean up, and finds a whole pan of cooked swordfish. We’re talking eleven pieces. Somehow Ramsey immediately knows it’s Royce’s fault, because he thinks Royce told Clemenza the wrong number. They seem to be arguing over 17 versus 18, so I’m not sure how 11 extra pieces got cooked.
Women win, because they were better, obviously. They even get a “Good Job!” Kimmie claims she and Robyn are friends and friends fight. The women dance around. Patrick tries to nominate Clemenza, who immediately refuses to be nominated. Royce joins in, and everyone does, which is great and all but they need two people. Clemenza thinks he pulled his weight and then some. For no apparent reason, Robyn pulls Christina into the bedroom and asks her about how she refused to let Robyn help on apps. They talk it out, because Robyn thinks it’s a pattern, but I do give her credit for being calm and doing it in private. Christina is annoyed, and as they leave the room they seem OK, but they’re both still mad at the other one. The men finally put up Guy, because of the beef, so Guy goes back to Brian and says he didn’t help Clemenza enough. Brian totally flips out. Clemenza throws Patrick into the mix, because if Patrick is going to be the leader, he should have helped Clemenza. Roshni hems and haws about her second nomination until she finally picks someone. Who is it? I bet there will be another commercial before we find out!
Clemenza is up for jacking up the fish station. Then Roshni says the second person was “difficult”, and she names Brian and Guy, and then…a commercial! See, I told you. There is some measure of comfort in such a predictable show. Finally she says Guy. Guy says he is a fighter and is a better chef than Clemenza. Clemenza reminds them his dish was on the menu, and he’s won some challenges. Everyone says Clemenza should go home, as Clemenza insists he’s never given up and he’s always given 100%, everyone is trying to get rid of him but he’s better than all of them. Ramsey says he’s done well, and had a bad night, but is he done? He claims he’ll go do another dinner service right now. Ramsey nods. Clemenza! Back in line! The women cheer, with Robyn being especially happy. Huh? OK. Guy is out. He thinks Ramsey made the wrong decision, and he stands behind everything he did. Clemenza! Use your passion! Piss off! He hates everyone. Robyn is impressed with his passion. Guy was too inconsistent, says Ramsey.
Next time: scrambling for ingredients, random famous boxers, fail all around.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Hell's Kitchen 6/19/12--"13 Chefs Compete" summary
Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Mexican night, the women all hate each other, most people get kicked out of the kitchen, and then for some reason we had to wait until now to see who gets eliminated. Guess we needed those extra few minutes to watch Tiffany get so drunk she mistook Royce for one of her own teammates. (click for more)
Patrick! Back in line! Oo, I was wrong. I thought because the previews for today said that Royce was trying to “lead”, that Patrick was gone. Danielle! She actually is eliminated. Christina is horrified. Danielle says that Kimmie and Barbie are horrible people and she hopes Dana wins. Dana cries and says she’s upset, but Ramsey tells her he’s more upset. Then he makes them yell that they’re ready to fight back and gives them a “fuck off” back to the dorms.
Patrick claims to be “amped” and ready to win. Dana and Christina are seriously in tears upset about Danielle. Christina specifically says she doesn’t want it to get personal. Dana, however, claims there is no more “playing nice”. Tiffany and Kimmie have zero sympathy. Royce smokes and declares Patrick the problem with their team. He then tells everyone that since obviously Patrick’s leadership sucks ass, he is more than willing to be the leader instead. Seriously? If they take Royce over Patrick--let’s face it, if they take Royce over anyone--they are all morons. Brian thinks Patrick is about to snap. He does kind of have that look in his eye. He just yells at Royce, though, instead of kicking his ass. Clemenza is shockingly the voice of reason. Who knew, right? He’s saying they should win, and everyone has screwed up and they need to get over it and be a team.
In the morning, Royce for some reason has decided to flirt with Kimmie. I have no idea. Like, zero. Barbie thinks they can be a team, while Clemenza wants Royce to focus. Ramsey starts talking about France, and how when he was starting out, he thought that French food would never change, but it does change, like fashion. He mentions “trends”, such as creepy Jell-O salad, TV dinners, fondue, Asian fusion. Patrick especially hates fondue. The dishes are brought out by models in period-appropriate costumes. The men seem starved for attention, as they are commenting on how hot the models are. Ramsey declares it “Fashion Night”. Create a tasting menu for three fashion designers: David Meister, Amanda Che, and Ina Soltani. I have never heard of these people. One appetizer, one seafood entrée, and one poultry entrée. David wants swordfish, healthy food, and spicy. Ina says Mediterranean, Amanda says it must be healthy.
30 minutes. Winning dishes will be served at this “Fashion Night”. The guys talk about what they’re doing and seem mostly competent. Dana nitpicks what Christina is doing and they complain to the camera about it. Clemenza is making puttanesca more exciting by putting a ton of crap in his dish. Then he praises Royce for having a good idea. Robyn for some reason doesn’t want to make swordfish, even though the guy said he liked it. Tiffany wants to fry eggplant, and Barbie doesn’t want to set her off again so she doesn’t remind her that two out of three designers wanted healthy food. Robyn is now insisting she wants only salt and pepper on her fish. Guy insists he’ll be done in time and his potatoes will be cooked. I think Guy at least serves his potatoes.
Brian insists his and Justin’s dish of bean salad, lobster, and vanilla and fennel foam is “damn sexy”. However, the foam is gross looking and so the whole dish does not look good. Justin is flabbergasted, but foam is stupid, dude. The foam is sweet and it’s bland. Everyone is bored, and Brian’s faces are hilarious. Dana serves chilled mango broth and crab meat. Visually clumsy and the color is bad, but the taste is pretty good, so the women get the point.
Patrick serves “Moroccan spice-influenced” squab. Then he says it has vinegar which “helps thin the mucus”. What? Hee. It is declared “interesting but no kick”. tiffany: pan roasted squab with eggplant puree and fried eggplant. She gets nailed for the fried eggplant. Everyone knows that was bad. This also doesn’t look modern, which is what they said about Patrick’s dish, but they do admit it is delicious. Point for the men this time.
Guy: swordfish puttanesca with chili, paprika, and saffron. Ina flirts with him. The sauce on the bottom isn’t so great, but they seem to like the flavors mostly. Robyn has seared sea bass with braised kraut? Grape? I think? And micro-basil. The presentation is OK. Too boring and not enough spice. Robyn gets offended and insults the designer, only in confessional of course. Naturally the first two are tied, but in the end the men actually win something. Kimmie is pissed because she told Robyn to put spice in. When Robyn gets back to line, Kimmie tells her she’s pissed, but when Robyn is like “Talk to me”, Kimmie responds that she’s too pissed and don’t talk to her. Well then why did you even say anything to her in the first place? You just wanted to let her know you were pissed, as if no one can tell with your bitchface? Come on. Robyn, in a particularly mind-boggling interview, says Kimmie should have spoken up more. Men (and Roshni) get to go shopping (hee) and wine tasting. Ramsey tells Kimmie she should have been more insistent, which only applies if Kimmie is right. If Kimmie had bullied Robyn into doing what she wanted and then Kimmie was wrong, then Ramsey would be yelling at her to be a team player. Kimmie starts to cry, and this will not help her “I am from the hood” image she likes to have. Women have to redecorate the restaurant, build a runway, make centerpieces, etc. Also there is a “top fashion producer” coming to help them, and if anyone has access to previous seasons, please check to see if this guy is the “wedding planner” and “party planner” and “super stereotypical gay man” they like to have on this show. I think they just cast the same guy every time.
I have to say, some of these guys in their sunglasses and popped collars look like douchebags. Brian lusts after the personal shopper, who looks too much like Sarah Jessica Parker for me to think she’s cute. Shut up Brian. The guys look stupid, but Roshni finds a cute outfit and great shoes. Awww…the “fashion producer” is a woman. The runway pieces are really heavy. Dana compares it to “carrying Clemenza up the stairs”. Hee. Robyn volunteers herself to stay behind and screw pieces together. At first Kimmie stays but eventually she goes out to lift things. Even though Robyn has volunteered herself, she can’t even screw pieces together which is stupid. I can’t belittle her too much for staying behind because if that were me, I would do whatever I could to get out of lifting things. You could try not to be so obvious about it, I guess. Christina thinks she’s working the hardest of everyone, so she’s irritated and irritating. All of a sudden she just walks off. Then the women start a fashion show and walk the runway, I guess so they don’t kill each other. The men have lunch and taste wine. Patrick spouts a bunch of stuff to sound smart. Everyone else is just drinking and getting plastered. Tiffany seems to be farting and burping and giggling like a 12 year old boy. The men (and Roshni) return and hoot and model. This reminds Kimmie that she is mad at Robyn. She goes off to smoke by herself, while Robyn tells the rest of the women that she didn’t say no to everything the way Kimmie said. Yes you did. Dana bonds with Robyn, because she hates Kimmie anyway. Suddenly everyone hates Kimmie. OK. Tiffany is just glad everyone’s forgotten about her fried eggplant.
Everyone goes to sleep, but then Clemenza wakes everyone up at like 5am? What? He’s seriously turning on lights and shouting. What is going on? They prep and the models prep and Clemenza is freaking out for some reason. How come we have 9 minutes left and service hasn’t started yet? Robyn is still insisting Kimmie talk to her about the earlier challenge, but Kimmie has no interest in discussing it. I can’t tell if that’s because she just wants to be pissed about it, or if she still is so mad she knows she can’t discuss it calmly, or what. I do think that unlike yesterday, Robyn is the one bringing it up. Robyn claims that Kimmie’s refusal makes her wonder about her character. Robyn then gets all upset about sabotage, and Kimmie says she never said sabotage (quite calmly, actually), and Robyn keeps talking when she should really shut up because she feels that Kimmie is weak for not admitting it was her fault. “Weak” isn’t the word I would use, but whatever. Kimmie goes to the dorms to punch the punching bag. She comes back and finally Robyn has shut up.
Ramsey comes in and tells Robyn not to screw up anymore, like today when she cost them the challenge. Kimmie ruins any goodwill she might have earned today by grinning and laughing at her. Seriously, pointing and laughing. Ramsey tells everyone there will be one catwalk, then appetizers, then another catwalk, then entrees. No desserts are mentioned, so I guess they no longer serve dessert. One person from each team will help plate: Kimmie and Royce. Royce? What? OK then. The women are ready to go, but Clemenza has three pans of scallops already cooking. Even though they aren’t even open. Ramsey tells him to piss off, and it’s kind of implied he’s going to be eliminated, but they end the show so probably not.
Next time: the men can’t concentrate with a fashion show going on, and the women steal steaks from the men? Nice. But they get in trouble for it, but then no one can cook, apparently. What else is new.
Patrick! Back in line! Oo, I was wrong. I thought because the previews for today said that Royce was trying to “lead”, that Patrick was gone. Danielle! She actually is eliminated. Christina is horrified. Danielle says that Kimmie and Barbie are horrible people and she hopes Dana wins. Dana cries and says she’s upset, but Ramsey tells her he’s more upset. Then he makes them yell that they’re ready to fight back and gives them a “fuck off” back to the dorms.
Patrick claims to be “amped” and ready to win. Dana and Christina are seriously in tears upset about Danielle. Christina specifically says she doesn’t want it to get personal. Dana, however, claims there is no more “playing nice”. Tiffany and Kimmie have zero sympathy. Royce smokes and declares Patrick the problem with their team. He then tells everyone that since obviously Patrick’s leadership sucks ass, he is more than willing to be the leader instead. Seriously? If they take Royce over Patrick--let’s face it, if they take Royce over anyone--they are all morons. Brian thinks Patrick is about to snap. He does kind of have that look in his eye. He just yells at Royce, though, instead of kicking his ass. Clemenza is shockingly the voice of reason. Who knew, right? He’s saying they should win, and everyone has screwed up and they need to get over it and be a team.
In the morning, Royce for some reason has decided to flirt with Kimmie. I have no idea. Like, zero. Barbie thinks they can be a team, while Clemenza wants Royce to focus. Ramsey starts talking about France, and how when he was starting out, he thought that French food would never change, but it does change, like fashion. He mentions “trends”, such as creepy Jell-O salad, TV dinners, fondue, Asian fusion. Patrick especially hates fondue. The dishes are brought out by models in period-appropriate costumes. The men seem starved for attention, as they are commenting on how hot the models are. Ramsey declares it “Fashion Night”. Create a tasting menu for three fashion designers: David Meister, Amanda Che, and Ina Soltani. I have never heard of these people. One appetizer, one seafood entrée, and one poultry entrée. David wants swordfish, healthy food, and spicy. Ina says Mediterranean, Amanda says it must be healthy.
30 minutes. Winning dishes will be served at this “Fashion Night”. The guys talk about what they’re doing and seem mostly competent. Dana nitpicks what Christina is doing and they complain to the camera about it. Clemenza is making puttanesca more exciting by putting a ton of crap in his dish. Then he praises Royce for having a good idea. Robyn for some reason doesn’t want to make swordfish, even though the guy said he liked it. Tiffany wants to fry eggplant, and Barbie doesn’t want to set her off again so she doesn’t remind her that two out of three designers wanted healthy food. Robyn is now insisting she wants only salt and pepper on her fish. Guy insists he’ll be done in time and his potatoes will be cooked. I think Guy at least serves his potatoes.
Brian insists his and Justin’s dish of bean salad, lobster, and vanilla and fennel foam is “damn sexy”. However, the foam is gross looking and so the whole dish does not look good. Justin is flabbergasted, but foam is stupid, dude. The foam is sweet and it’s bland. Everyone is bored, and Brian’s faces are hilarious. Dana serves chilled mango broth and crab meat. Visually clumsy and the color is bad, but the taste is pretty good, so the women get the point.
Patrick serves “Moroccan spice-influenced” squab. Then he says it has vinegar which “helps thin the mucus”. What? Hee. It is declared “interesting but no kick”. tiffany: pan roasted squab with eggplant puree and fried eggplant. She gets nailed for the fried eggplant. Everyone knows that was bad. This also doesn’t look modern, which is what they said about Patrick’s dish, but they do admit it is delicious. Point for the men this time.
Guy: swordfish puttanesca with chili, paprika, and saffron. Ina flirts with him. The sauce on the bottom isn’t so great, but they seem to like the flavors mostly. Robyn has seared sea bass with braised kraut? Grape? I think? And micro-basil. The presentation is OK. Too boring and not enough spice. Robyn gets offended and insults the designer, only in confessional of course. Naturally the first two are tied, but in the end the men actually win something. Kimmie is pissed because she told Robyn to put spice in. When Robyn gets back to line, Kimmie tells her she’s pissed, but when Robyn is like “Talk to me”, Kimmie responds that she’s too pissed and don’t talk to her. Well then why did you even say anything to her in the first place? You just wanted to let her know you were pissed, as if no one can tell with your bitchface? Come on. Robyn, in a particularly mind-boggling interview, says Kimmie should have spoken up more. Men (and Roshni) get to go shopping (hee) and wine tasting. Ramsey tells Kimmie she should have been more insistent, which only applies if Kimmie is right. If Kimmie had bullied Robyn into doing what she wanted and then Kimmie was wrong, then Ramsey would be yelling at her to be a team player. Kimmie starts to cry, and this will not help her “I am from the hood” image she likes to have. Women have to redecorate the restaurant, build a runway, make centerpieces, etc. Also there is a “top fashion producer” coming to help them, and if anyone has access to previous seasons, please check to see if this guy is the “wedding planner” and “party planner” and “super stereotypical gay man” they like to have on this show. I think they just cast the same guy every time.
I have to say, some of these guys in their sunglasses and popped collars look like douchebags. Brian lusts after the personal shopper, who looks too much like Sarah Jessica Parker for me to think she’s cute. Shut up Brian. The guys look stupid, but Roshni finds a cute outfit and great shoes. Awww…the “fashion producer” is a woman. The runway pieces are really heavy. Dana compares it to “carrying Clemenza up the stairs”. Hee. Robyn volunteers herself to stay behind and screw pieces together. At first Kimmie stays but eventually she goes out to lift things. Even though Robyn has volunteered herself, she can’t even screw pieces together which is stupid. I can’t belittle her too much for staying behind because if that were me, I would do whatever I could to get out of lifting things. You could try not to be so obvious about it, I guess. Christina thinks she’s working the hardest of everyone, so she’s irritated and irritating. All of a sudden she just walks off. Then the women start a fashion show and walk the runway, I guess so they don’t kill each other. The men have lunch and taste wine. Patrick spouts a bunch of stuff to sound smart. Everyone else is just drinking and getting plastered. Tiffany seems to be farting and burping and giggling like a 12 year old boy. The men (and Roshni) return and hoot and model. This reminds Kimmie that she is mad at Robyn. She goes off to smoke by herself, while Robyn tells the rest of the women that she didn’t say no to everything the way Kimmie said. Yes you did. Dana bonds with Robyn, because she hates Kimmie anyway. Suddenly everyone hates Kimmie. OK. Tiffany is just glad everyone’s forgotten about her fried eggplant.
Everyone goes to sleep, but then Clemenza wakes everyone up at like 5am? What? He’s seriously turning on lights and shouting. What is going on? They prep and the models prep and Clemenza is freaking out for some reason. How come we have 9 minutes left and service hasn’t started yet? Robyn is still insisting Kimmie talk to her about the earlier challenge, but Kimmie has no interest in discussing it. I can’t tell if that’s because she just wants to be pissed about it, or if she still is so mad she knows she can’t discuss it calmly, or what. I do think that unlike yesterday, Robyn is the one bringing it up. Robyn claims that Kimmie’s refusal makes her wonder about her character. Robyn then gets all upset about sabotage, and Kimmie says she never said sabotage (quite calmly, actually), and Robyn keeps talking when she should really shut up because she feels that Kimmie is weak for not admitting it was her fault. “Weak” isn’t the word I would use, but whatever. Kimmie goes to the dorms to punch the punching bag. She comes back and finally Robyn has shut up.
Ramsey comes in and tells Robyn not to screw up anymore, like today when she cost them the challenge. Kimmie ruins any goodwill she might have earned today by grinning and laughing at her. Seriously, pointing and laughing. Ramsey tells everyone there will be one catwalk, then appetizers, then another catwalk, then entrees. No desserts are mentioned, so I guess they no longer serve dessert. One person from each team will help plate: Kimmie and Royce. Royce? What? OK then. The women are ready to go, but Clemenza has three pans of scallops already cooking. Even though they aren’t even open. Ramsey tells him to piss off, and it’s kind of implied he’s going to be eliminated, but they end the show so probably not.
Next time: the men can’t concentrate with a fashion show going on, and the women steal steaks from the men? Nice. But they get in trouble for it, but then no one can cook, apparently. What else is new.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Hell's Kitchen 6/18/12--"14 Chefs Compete" summary
Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Don lost and Roshni switched teams. In other news, how come sometimes the title of the episode is “# Chefs COMPETE” and other times “# Chefs REMAIN”? Also the women seem to all hate each other, while the men are at least pretending to be a team. (click for more)
Brian kind of freaks out at how close he was to being eliminated. Roshni says she really doesn’t care what color team she is. The men don’t seem to mind she’s there, as they sometimes do. Dana and Danielle bitch about Robyn, and Kimmie. Kimmie says Dana and Danielle are always going to support each other and Christina is being sucked in. Strangely enough, the first huge fight of the season was Robyn vs. Barbie, and now they’re sitting next to each other commiserating with Kimmie.
The announcer pretends everyone is more focused today. Ramsey says he would love to focus on a new cuisine: Mexican. Real Mexican? Probably not. Brian claims he’s all over it. Aaaannnd now there is a giant donkey piñata. Scott carries it in, even though it’s about as big as he is. Robyn says, and I quote, “I definitely want to take a whack at Chef Scott’s ass!” Ramsey says they’ll make five “Mexican classics” into fine dining. Now there are balls? With ingredients? Each team has 90 seconds to grab as many balls as they can, up to 25. They just drop balls from the ceiling. So WTF is the piñata for?! Brian is looking for specific ingredients. Ball-related puns abound.
35 minutes! Go! Your dishes are things like tacos and enchiladas. Each person has to make a dish, but then the team will pick out five to serve. That is so that someone can be offended and start a fight, and someone can get outvoted and have their dish be awesome. Brian is still talking about how great he is, using sexual metaphors, so the editors put in some slo-mo footage with porno music. Heh. Danielle seems to be flailing, but they have six people, so can’t they just leave her dish out? Seriously. Of course, since Brian has been talking about how great he is, he gets outvoted and isn’t serving.
Thomas Ortega, who looks vaguely familiar, is a guest judge. You know, I think he just looks like Kevin from “Top Chef“. Also John Sedlar. Tacos first, Royce and Kimmie. Royce’s tortillas are too greasy, and Kimmie has used flour tortillas, but her flavors are good and strong so women get the point. Brian claims his tacos are better. Burritos, Danielle and Clemenza. Danielle’s burrito is falling apart and is hard to eat. Clemenza has put some Italian influences in his burrito, which goes over nicely. Tied up. Soup: Tiffany’s crab salsa soup, and Justin’s pickled shrimp tortilla soup. Neither of those sound appetizing. Both are good, but Tiffany gets the point. Enchilada: Christina’s is too boring, Patrick’s lobster is good. But you knew that would be the blue team, because now we have a tie. The last round is tostadas: Roshni and Dana. Dana’s tuna and watermelon blend nicely. Roshni’s chili crab has great spices. Now, even though the two guest judges have voted together for every other dish, they are split. Finally, after commercials, Ramsey gives the win to the women. Patrick’s Jedi mind powers don’t work. The women get lunch and “a big surprise”. Men will prep both kitchens, including making salsa.
Brian is still pissed because he thinks if he had served his dish, he could have gotten them the win. The women drink and rave about the food. Men’s lunch is tripe, I think. Clemenza is like, hey cool. Nice. Everyone else bitches. The “big surprise” is salsa lessons for the women. Kimmie says “in the South” they “bounce”, they don’t dance. For some reason everyone in confessional has a stupid sombrero and maracas and dumb offensive props. Clemenza asks Patrick a question, and Patrick ignores him, so Clemenza gets mad. Patrick seems to feel he shouldn’t have to direct Clemenza so much, but if someone asks you “Are you done over here?” then saying “Yeah” is not “having to lead them around by the hand“.
Finally everyone is relaxing, and Royce is still bitching about the tacos. I think it’s Royce, he’s got his hoodie on and is trying to be street. Tiffany mostly ignores him and interviews that she’s got a “no bitching” policy. Like, 15 minutes and part of a bottle later, she’s over by Kimmie and Robyn. But she is so plastered she’s telling them that Danielle and Christina were talking. How are you so drunk you mistake Royce for a woman, but you’re still vertical? Kimmie BELIEVES the plastered woman, so I guess she’s not that smart either.
In the morning, Robyn confronts the other women, for some reason, and of course they all deny it because no one said anything. Robyn accuses all of them of lying. Tiffany looked pretty crazy before, but now that this has aired I hope she feels ashamed. That’s pretty drunk. They all have a sit-down and Kimmie says they’re bitches, and everyone says they didn’t say anything. Tiffany sits in the corner and looks vaguely guilty, because no one has mentioned her name and I would bet she’s realizing how drunk she was and that she might have fucked up. Kimmie tries to threaten Dana, but Dana is not threatened. Kimmie calls them all lying bitches, so I hope she is ashamed now too.
Clemenza tries to get the guys to be gentlemen and not curse since Roshni is around. Mariachi band! Ha! It’s like they learned about Mexico from Chevy’s. There’s some new dishes, just to throw everyone. Right away Barbie screws up the mussels (specifically the sauce). Guy serves cold tuna, right after his interview about how he won’t screw up. The second try is successful, so the men seem to be doing well. Barbie is also successful, so people are actually getting food. The women try to serve a bunch of things all together, but apparently you can’t put meat and fish on the same tray, so they get chastised. That’s Kimmie’s fault, as Dana said “Are you putting all this on one thing?” and Kimmie said “Yeah” as she put things on the tray. But of course Kimmie is claiming it’s Dana’s fault, so they both refuse to admit to Ramsey that they did it. Kimmie finally admits it, but then gets bitchy to everyone, and actually says to Robyn “I did not put that shit on there, you saw that, right?” THERE IS A CAMERA ON YOU AT ALL TIMES, YOU MORON. They yell at each other, and Tiffany tells them both to shut up and get the food out.
The men overcook some steak, and Guy gets yelled at, and then Patrick gets yelled at too, because he said he was going to lead. Danielle is audibly bragging about how great her pork is, so of course it is raw in the center. I don’t think it looks that bad, but I will eat slightly pink pork if I’m at a nice enough restaurant, so maybe I’m not the best judge. Robyn says Ramsey was so pissed, she felt bad for the pig. Patrick has to put his chicken back in the oven, so it’s late, and Guy has sliced the steak. Ramsey says he shouldn’t have sliced the steak, so Guy is mad at Patrick now. They both get a “Piss off!” Patrick cries in interview about getting kicked out of the kitchen. Danielle serves some more pork, and as Ramsey checks it you can see pretty much the whole team is watching him to see if it’s any good. They all seem to tell her to start another order, and that’s a good thing because it is raw. Danielle gets kicked out.
An hour and fifteen minutes, and no entrees from either kitchen. Clemenza says the pork needs more time, and Justin is like “here it is”. Clemenza knows it’s not cooked, but Justin puts it up anyway, so Ramsey kicks them both out which I think is unfair. Barbie is trying to take the temperature of her chicken, to make sure it’s done, but Ramsey catches her at it and kicks her out too. Tiffany smugs that she’s stupid for not being able to cook chicken, and then brings up burnt mashed potatoes and leaves too. Ramsey announces to everyone left that he doesn’t care if everyone goes home. Royce burns some chicken, or the skin, or something, so he’s goes next. Roshni and Brian are left to fend for themselves, and even though Ramsey threatens them something fierce they get some tables out. The women somehow manage to get their act together too, and both teams finish.
Ramsey is disgusted with everyone. He singles out Kimmie, who throws Dana under the bus. Dana denies it, and they show the footage to back her up. Kimmie rolls her eyes. Patrick says he’s not tired, but Ramsey is tired of you! Everyone loses! Be embarrassed! Clemenza does admit they should all be mortified. It looks like the men are drinking Mountain Dew out of wine glasses. Royce and Brian and everyone vote Patrick and Guy. Patrick responds in confessional that they’re just afraid of him, but meanwhile he leaves the table and starts working out with the punching bag. Oo, threatening. Kimmie starts us off by claiming Barbie’s problems go beyond a thermometer, and also claiming that if this was “the hood”, she would have kicked Barbie’s ass by now. Danielle doesn’t think she screwed up royally, and Dana sticks up for her. Dana, Christina, and Danielle go into the bedroom and discuss their alliance, which seems to be a pretty stupid move. There are four people still out in the living room. They outnumber you. Don’t you watch “Survivor”? Christina doesn’t know what to do because she will at least admit Danielle serving raw pork is pretty bad.
The men put up Patrick and Guy, while the women put up Barbie and Danielle. Patrick says he’s consistent and professional, and just made a poor decision. Also he is not beat. Guy also claims to have been solid and a fighter. Danielle for some reason says she put herself on a new station because she wanted to stand out. Barbie doesn’t think she should be up at all anyway, and Ramsey agrees and sends her back to the group. Stupid! To be continued!
Next time: Royce seems to fail, but he also tells everyone he be the leader if they want, which implies Patrick is out. Kimmie and Robyn now hate each other.
Brian kind of freaks out at how close he was to being eliminated. Roshni says she really doesn’t care what color team she is. The men don’t seem to mind she’s there, as they sometimes do. Dana and Danielle bitch about Robyn, and Kimmie. Kimmie says Dana and Danielle are always going to support each other and Christina is being sucked in. Strangely enough, the first huge fight of the season was Robyn vs. Barbie, and now they’re sitting next to each other commiserating with Kimmie.
The announcer pretends everyone is more focused today. Ramsey says he would love to focus on a new cuisine: Mexican. Real Mexican? Probably not. Brian claims he’s all over it. Aaaannnd now there is a giant donkey piñata. Scott carries it in, even though it’s about as big as he is. Robyn says, and I quote, “I definitely want to take a whack at Chef Scott’s ass!” Ramsey says they’ll make five “Mexican classics” into fine dining. Now there are balls? With ingredients? Each team has 90 seconds to grab as many balls as they can, up to 25. They just drop balls from the ceiling. So WTF is the piñata for?! Brian is looking for specific ingredients. Ball-related puns abound.
35 minutes! Go! Your dishes are things like tacos and enchiladas. Each person has to make a dish, but then the team will pick out five to serve. That is so that someone can be offended and start a fight, and someone can get outvoted and have their dish be awesome. Brian is still talking about how great he is, using sexual metaphors, so the editors put in some slo-mo footage with porno music. Heh. Danielle seems to be flailing, but they have six people, so can’t they just leave her dish out? Seriously. Of course, since Brian has been talking about how great he is, he gets outvoted and isn’t serving.
Thomas Ortega, who looks vaguely familiar, is a guest judge. You know, I think he just looks like Kevin from “Top Chef“. Also John Sedlar. Tacos first, Royce and Kimmie. Royce’s tortillas are too greasy, and Kimmie has used flour tortillas, but her flavors are good and strong so women get the point. Brian claims his tacos are better. Burritos, Danielle and Clemenza. Danielle’s burrito is falling apart and is hard to eat. Clemenza has put some Italian influences in his burrito, which goes over nicely. Tied up. Soup: Tiffany’s crab salsa soup, and Justin’s pickled shrimp tortilla soup. Neither of those sound appetizing. Both are good, but Tiffany gets the point. Enchilada: Christina’s is too boring, Patrick’s lobster is good. But you knew that would be the blue team, because now we have a tie. The last round is tostadas: Roshni and Dana. Dana’s tuna and watermelon blend nicely. Roshni’s chili crab has great spices. Now, even though the two guest judges have voted together for every other dish, they are split. Finally, after commercials, Ramsey gives the win to the women. Patrick’s Jedi mind powers don’t work. The women get lunch and “a big surprise”. Men will prep both kitchens, including making salsa.
Brian is still pissed because he thinks if he had served his dish, he could have gotten them the win. The women drink and rave about the food. Men’s lunch is tripe, I think. Clemenza is like, hey cool. Nice. Everyone else bitches. The “big surprise” is salsa lessons for the women. Kimmie says “in the South” they “bounce”, they don’t dance. For some reason everyone in confessional has a stupid sombrero and maracas and dumb offensive props. Clemenza asks Patrick a question, and Patrick ignores him, so Clemenza gets mad. Patrick seems to feel he shouldn’t have to direct Clemenza so much, but if someone asks you “Are you done over here?” then saying “Yeah” is not “having to lead them around by the hand“.
Finally everyone is relaxing, and Royce is still bitching about the tacos. I think it’s Royce, he’s got his hoodie on and is trying to be street. Tiffany mostly ignores him and interviews that she’s got a “no bitching” policy. Like, 15 minutes and part of a bottle later, she’s over by Kimmie and Robyn. But she is so plastered she’s telling them that Danielle and Christina were talking. How are you so drunk you mistake Royce for a woman, but you’re still vertical? Kimmie BELIEVES the plastered woman, so I guess she’s not that smart either.
In the morning, Robyn confronts the other women, for some reason, and of course they all deny it because no one said anything. Robyn accuses all of them of lying. Tiffany looked pretty crazy before, but now that this has aired I hope she feels ashamed. That’s pretty drunk. They all have a sit-down and Kimmie says they’re bitches, and everyone says they didn’t say anything. Tiffany sits in the corner and looks vaguely guilty, because no one has mentioned her name and I would bet she’s realizing how drunk she was and that she might have fucked up. Kimmie tries to threaten Dana, but Dana is not threatened. Kimmie calls them all lying bitches, so I hope she is ashamed now too.
Clemenza tries to get the guys to be gentlemen and not curse since Roshni is around. Mariachi band! Ha! It’s like they learned about Mexico from Chevy’s. There’s some new dishes, just to throw everyone. Right away Barbie screws up the mussels (specifically the sauce). Guy serves cold tuna, right after his interview about how he won’t screw up. The second try is successful, so the men seem to be doing well. Barbie is also successful, so people are actually getting food. The women try to serve a bunch of things all together, but apparently you can’t put meat and fish on the same tray, so they get chastised. That’s Kimmie’s fault, as Dana said “Are you putting all this on one thing?” and Kimmie said “Yeah” as she put things on the tray. But of course Kimmie is claiming it’s Dana’s fault, so they both refuse to admit to Ramsey that they did it. Kimmie finally admits it, but then gets bitchy to everyone, and actually says to Robyn “I did not put that shit on there, you saw that, right?” THERE IS A CAMERA ON YOU AT ALL TIMES, YOU MORON. They yell at each other, and Tiffany tells them both to shut up and get the food out.
The men overcook some steak, and Guy gets yelled at, and then Patrick gets yelled at too, because he said he was going to lead. Danielle is audibly bragging about how great her pork is, so of course it is raw in the center. I don’t think it looks that bad, but I will eat slightly pink pork if I’m at a nice enough restaurant, so maybe I’m not the best judge. Robyn says Ramsey was so pissed, she felt bad for the pig. Patrick has to put his chicken back in the oven, so it’s late, and Guy has sliced the steak. Ramsey says he shouldn’t have sliced the steak, so Guy is mad at Patrick now. They both get a “Piss off!” Patrick cries in interview about getting kicked out of the kitchen. Danielle serves some more pork, and as Ramsey checks it you can see pretty much the whole team is watching him to see if it’s any good. They all seem to tell her to start another order, and that’s a good thing because it is raw. Danielle gets kicked out.
An hour and fifteen minutes, and no entrees from either kitchen. Clemenza says the pork needs more time, and Justin is like “here it is”. Clemenza knows it’s not cooked, but Justin puts it up anyway, so Ramsey kicks them both out which I think is unfair. Barbie is trying to take the temperature of her chicken, to make sure it’s done, but Ramsey catches her at it and kicks her out too. Tiffany smugs that she’s stupid for not being able to cook chicken, and then brings up burnt mashed potatoes and leaves too. Ramsey announces to everyone left that he doesn’t care if everyone goes home. Royce burns some chicken, or the skin, or something, so he’s goes next. Roshni and Brian are left to fend for themselves, and even though Ramsey threatens them something fierce they get some tables out. The women somehow manage to get their act together too, and both teams finish.
Ramsey is disgusted with everyone. He singles out Kimmie, who throws Dana under the bus. Dana denies it, and they show the footage to back her up. Kimmie rolls her eyes. Patrick says he’s not tired, but Ramsey is tired of you! Everyone loses! Be embarrassed! Clemenza does admit they should all be mortified. It looks like the men are drinking Mountain Dew out of wine glasses. Royce and Brian and everyone vote Patrick and Guy. Patrick responds in confessional that they’re just afraid of him, but meanwhile he leaves the table and starts working out with the punching bag. Oo, threatening. Kimmie starts us off by claiming Barbie’s problems go beyond a thermometer, and also claiming that if this was “the hood”, she would have kicked Barbie’s ass by now. Danielle doesn’t think she screwed up royally, and Dana sticks up for her. Dana, Christina, and Danielle go into the bedroom and discuss their alliance, which seems to be a pretty stupid move. There are four people still out in the living room. They outnumber you. Don’t you watch “Survivor”? Christina doesn’t know what to do because she will at least admit Danielle serving raw pork is pretty bad.
The men put up Patrick and Guy, while the women put up Barbie and Danielle. Patrick says he’s consistent and professional, and just made a poor decision. Also he is not beat. Guy also claims to have been solid and a fighter. Danielle for some reason says she put herself on a new station because she wanted to stand out. Barbie doesn’t think she should be up at all anyway, and Ramsey agrees and sends her back to the group. Stupid! To be continued!
Next time: Royce seems to fail, but he also tells everyone he be the leader if they want, which implies Patrick is out. Kimmie and Robyn now hate each other.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Hell's Kitchen 6/12/12--"15 Chefs Remain" summary
Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Barbie made everyone hate her, but for some reason Ramsey likes her. Couldn’t be because everyone else hates her and causes drama. Patrick decided to be the leader of the men’s team, which pissed off the rest of the team. Somehow that helped, though, because the women eventually got kicked out of the kitchen. Briana was sent home for failing to cook cod properly. (click for more)
Brian is very glad they finally made it through dinner service. The men celebrate quietly, while Kimmie and Tiffany bitch about Barbie. In the morning, I guess everyone feels the way I do about waking people up rudely, which is that it’s awesome. Someone lets some dogs loose in the dorms. They jump up on the beds and bark at everyone. Ha! Scott tells the contestants to get an outfit from the bin and go downstairs. The outfits turn out to be denim overalls and T-shirts, so everyone assumes they’re going to a farm. Don makes an “Old MacDonald” joke.
In a good twist, they do actually go out to the country somewhere. As everyone stands in a pen, someone lets a whole flock of sheep loose. Each team has to make four lamb dishes. Each sheep has a random ingredient on it. One at a time, they have to grab a sheep and then tag out. 5 minutes to grab what you can.
Sheep grabbing is hilarious. Actually, I guess they don’t have to grab a sheep, just the collar. Clemenza somehow just walks up to a bunch of sheep who just stand there while he grabs something. Roshni mostly fails.
The four dishes are: lamb steak, rack of lamb, lamb chop, and ground lamb. 45 minutes! Go! Barbie and Robyn get their lamb in the oven right away. Guy is cutting up potatoes when he manages to cut himself and walks around yelling. They think he’s really hurt, but he’s getting a Band-Aid so it must not be that bad. Somehow there is an argument between Kimmie and Roshni about curry? Roshni thinks they’ll all think it’s her but it’s Kimmie? I have no idea. A large number of the team yells about the rack being overdone, since it’s been in the oven this whole time, but Robyn says it takes a long time to cook. She takes it out anyway, because “it’s a team challenge”, and of course it’s not done. Oh, Robyn, you know they’re going to throw you under the bus either way. Royce says he knows what he’s doing.
Tiffany and Danielle serve an anchovy and pine nut-crusted lamb chop with “egg soufflé“. Fucking delicious! Don and Clemenza: herb crusted grilled lamb with “roasted cauliflower feta melt”. Ramsey makes fun of their garnish but this is also delicious. Everyone gets a point. Roshni and Kimmie: ground lamb in a coconut curry sauce. Thankfully it turned out, even though Kimmie’s never made a curry sauce before. Patrick: lamb and fennel sausage. Patrick says in confessional his dish is way better, so that’s how you know the women get the point. Barbie and Robyn: rack of lamb with parsnip puree and braised leeks. Robyn is already bitching to her team that the lamb is raw, which is true. Ramsey starts to yell at her, and she says she knows it should have stayed in there longer. Guy and Justin: grilled rack of lamb, roasted garlic and basil puree. Men get the point, so it’s a tie. OH WHAT A SHOCK. Dana and Christina: braised lamb steak over sautéed spinach. It’s delicious. Royce and Brian: marinated grilled lamb steak with avocado mousse and pepper slaw. Royce of course thinks he’s going to blow Ramsey’s mind. Of course it works, sadly. Royce is still bragging in confessional about how great he is, so as we go to commercial it’s my hope he loses. Weirdly, but probably because the universe likes to thwart me, the men win. Ramsey says that’s because of the raw lamb from Robyn and Barbie. Robyn throws her team under the bus. Christina bitches that she’s responsible for what she puts out, as if she wasn’t one of the people telling her to take the lamb out before she fucked it up. I mean…none of you are going to admit taking the lamb out early was your idea? Really? Robyn now realizes this is a competition, I guess because she hadn’t before. The men win a trip to the racetrack. Ramsey throws down $100 so they can bet? Wow. I mean, I’m sure the producers gave him that, but that was cool. Women have to wash all the sheep from this morning, clean the kitchens, and prep the kitchens for tonight.
Dana yells about how Robyn and Barbie made them do this punishment. Shut up Dana. The men get a party bus and go to the racetrack and put all $100 on the horse in blue silks. Well…I guess that’s not as stupid as it could have been. Their horse starts out strong and then ends up dead last. Ha! Metaphor? Let’s hope so. Clemenza claims he can run faster than a horse. Women have to eat lamb testicles for lunch. Danielle gets really girly about it, to Kimmie’s disgust. Kimmie keeps telling Danielle how many testicles she’s eaten so far, which is hilarious. The men are supposedly “staying focused” so they can keep winning. Kimmie and Christina for some reason congratulate each other on how many lamb balls they ate, with Kimmie saying she wasn’t worried about Christina, just “the Barbie dolls”. I guess the blonde girls. Who cares? Lunch is over. Dana and Danielle talk about the other two. And now it’s “cliquey”, and Christina and Kimmie are fist bumping. Danielle confronts Kimmie and asks what she did to deserve this attitude, Kimmie says she just feels like giving her attitude, plus she didn’t even eat one testicle. Danielle responds that Kimmie must just feel stupid, because it doesn’t matter how much each person ate. That’s true. Christina jumps in for no reason, and Danielle says she’s always quiet but now she’s pissed off. Kimmie just laughs, because I guess she’s taking lessons from Barbie in how to be smug. However, Kimmie is a big girl and not one comment has been about how she ate the most because she’s the biggest, so that’s good.
Brian predicts a men’s team win. As dinner service starts, I think Danielle says she didn’t hear Ramsey? What? I don’t know what’s going on with that, but the risotto she brings up is undercooked. Justin tells the rest of the men he and Brian should be the only ones talking, since he’s leading apps and Brian is the only other one involved. Ramsey is thrilled, until Brian fails at searing fish. Danielle won’t give times, just “coming soon”, tells Robyn to drop the calamari, then says she’s going up and starts hollering for Robyn’s stuff. Danielle claims she is just in the zone. Somehow it all works. Brian gets his act together too.
Brian tries to redeem himself on fish, but the cod is raw. Ramsey throws it at him. Brian admits in confessional he just can’t cook fish tonight, but he also refuses help. Now it’s burnt. He actually screws up so badly he runs through his whole supply of cod trying to cook the first ticket. They replace it with sea bass, and Brian makes the mistake of saying “It’s coming, baby”. You cook like a baby! Get out! Roshni brings up raw Wellingtons. Don seems to be screwing up the meat station, but it’s perfect. It was creepy how he was just staring off into space, though. Roshni’s Wellingtons now don’t match, I guess one end is not cooked enough. Everyone is yelling for Wellington, as she is putting it back in the oven, taking it out, putting it back in. To be fair, I have done that before with things that aren’t cooking properly, but I don’t work in a restaurant. She finally serves some, but they’re cold. Roshni gets kicked out, but now Danielle is in charge of meat and she looks pretty nervous. Don cuts up some steak, but it’s raw. Royce tells everyone Don needs more time, but Don insists they’re fine. Then he takes them up anyway and gets yelled at for his efforts. He keeps saying “One minute!” which is obviously not true. Hilariously, when Ramsey tells him to quit yelling one minute, he goes, “Uhhh…like, a minute and a half.” Ha. After all that, the meat is overcooked. Don gets kicked out too, and bitches that there is a lot of stuff going on in the kitchen and he’s just trying his best. Whatever, you know that won’t fly. Danielle and Robyn actually bring things up together, but Robyn’s garnish is terrible and Danielle’s sauce is cold. Both of them get kicked out, so that’s three women and two men out. Royce and Justin are both cooking fish, for some reason, probably because when you kick people out and make others cover their station they get confused as to which station they’re working. Ramsey actually kicks them both out. Now there are more people in the dorms than in the kitchen. Cleaning the extra people out of the kitchen does the trick and they actually finish.
Ramsey says watching service was like “having a root canal and passing a kidney stone at the same time”. Hee. Both teams lose! Each team nominate two people. Clemenza puts up Don, who claims that he only screwed up one steak and it’s the fish station’s fault. Brian gets put up, but promises never to do it again. Everyone seems to be putting up Brian and Don. Robyn says, whoever got kicked out of the kitchen should be put up, which is terribly logical. Robyn tries to defend herself, even though she just said logically she should be put up. They all seem to agree on Roshni. Robyn blames Danielle, and Kimmie joins in, because she got “quiet” and she didn’t communicate.
The men put up Don and Brian, to no one’s surprise. The women put up Roshni and Danielle. Roshni has been nominated 3 out of 4 times, even though one of those times was for no reason. She says she’s a fighter and a team player. Danielle says she’s only had problems with communication. Don says he has a lot to offer his team, and they just want him to step up. Brian claims he is a machine. Don gets kicked out. Ramsey says he doesn’t get it. Then he says he’s not done yet. Danielle! Back in line! Brian! Back in line! Roshni! You’re on the blue team! Huh. Roshni obviously is glad to not be eliminated. It’s also telling there are no interviews about how angry the men are to be stuck with Roshni.
Next week: the men I guess pretend to be gentlemen for like, an hour. The women hate each other, I guess. Sabotage. There is a piñata.
Brian is very glad they finally made it through dinner service. The men celebrate quietly, while Kimmie and Tiffany bitch about Barbie. In the morning, I guess everyone feels the way I do about waking people up rudely, which is that it’s awesome. Someone lets some dogs loose in the dorms. They jump up on the beds and bark at everyone. Ha! Scott tells the contestants to get an outfit from the bin and go downstairs. The outfits turn out to be denim overalls and T-shirts, so everyone assumes they’re going to a farm. Don makes an “Old MacDonald” joke.
In a good twist, they do actually go out to the country somewhere. As everyone stands in a pen, someone lets a whole flock of sheep loose. Each team has to make four lamb dishes. Each sheep has a random ingredient on it. One at a time, they have to grab a sheep and then tag out. 5 minutes to grab what you can.
Sheep grabbing is hilarious. Actually, I guess they don’t have to grab a sheep, just the collar. Clemenza somehow just walks up to a bunch of sheep who just stand there while he grabs something. Roshni mostly fails.
The four dishes are: lamb steak, rack of lamb, lamb chop, and ground lamb. 45 minutes! Go! Barbie and Robyn get their lamb in the oven right away. Guy is cutting up potatoes when he manages to cut himself and walks around yelling. They think he’s really hurt, but he’s getting a Band-Aid so it must not be that bad. Somehow there is an argument between Kimmie and Roshni about curry? Roshni thinks they’ll all think it’s her but it’s Kimmie? I have no idea. A large number of the team yells about the rack being overdone, since it’s been in the oven this whole time, but Robyn says it takes a long time to cook. She takes it out anyway, because “it’s a team challenge”, and of course it’s not done. Oh, Robyn, you know they’re going to throw you under the bus either way. Royce says he knows what he’s doing.
Tiffany and Danielle serve an anchovy and pine nut-crusted lamb chop with “egg soufflé“. Fucking delicious! Don and Clemenza: herb crusted grilled lamb with “roasted cauliflower feta melt”. Ramsey makes fun of their garnish but this is also delicious. Everyone gets a point. Roshni and Kimmie: ground lamb in a coconut curry sauce. Thankfully it turned out, even though Kimmie’s never made a curry sauce before. Patrick: lamb and fennel sausage. Patrick says in confessional his dish is way better, so that’s how you know the women get the point. Barbie and Robyn: rack of lamb with parsnip puree and braised leeks. Robyn is already bitching to her team that the lamb is raw, which is true. Ramsey starts to yell at her, and she says she knows it should have stayed in there longer. Guy and Justin: grilled rack of lamb, roasted garlic and basil puree. Men get the point, so it’s a tie. OH WHAT A SHOCK. Dana and Christina: braised lamb steak over sautéed spinach. It’s delicious. Royce and Brian: marinated grilled lamb steak with avocado mousse and pepper slaw. Royce of course thinks he’s going to blow Ramsey’s mind. Of course it works, sadly. Royce is still bragging in confessional about how great he is, so as we go to commercial it’s my hope he loses. Weirdly, but probably because the universe likes to thwart me, the men win. Ramsey says that’s because of the raw lamb from Robyn and Barbie. Robyn throws her team under the bus. Christina bitches that she’s responsible for what she puts out, as if she wasn’t one of the people telling her to take the lamb out before she fucked it up. I mean…none of you are going to admit taking the lamb out early was your idea? Really? Robyn now realizes this is a competition, I guess because she hadn’t before. The men win a trip to the racetrack. Ramsey throws down $100 so they can bet? Wow. I mean, I’m sure the producers gave him that, but that was cool. Women have to wash all the sheep from this morning, clean the kitchens, and prep the kitchens for tonight.
Dana yells about how Robyn and Barbie made them do this punishment. Shut up Dana. The men get a party bus and go to the racetrack and put all $100 on the horse in blue silks. Well…I guess that’s not as stupid as it could have been. Their horse starts out strong and then ends up dead last. Ha! Metaphor? Let’s hope so. Clemenza claims he can run faster than a horse. Women have to eat lamb testicles for lunch. Danielle gets really girly about it, to Kimmie’s disgust. Kimmie keeps telling Danielle how many testicles she’s eaten so far, which is hilarious. The men are supposedly “staying focused” so they can keep winning. Kimmie and Christina for some reason congratulate each other on how many lamb balls they ate, with Kimmie saying she wasn’t worried about Christina, just “the Barbie dolls”. I guess the blonde girls. Who cares? Lunch is over. Dana and Danielle talk about the other two. And now it’s “cliquey”, and Christina and Kimmie are fist bumping. Danielle confronts Kimmie and asks what she did to deserve this attitude, Kimmie says she just feels like giving her attitude, plus she didn’t even eat one testicle. Danielle responds that Kimmie must just feel stupid, because it doesn’t matter how much each person ate. That’s true. Christina jumps in for no reason, and Danielle says she’s always quiet but now she’s pissed off. Kimmie just laughs, because I guess she’s taking lessons from Barbie in how to be smug. However, Kimmie is a big girl and not one comment has been about how she ate the most because she’s the biggest, so that’s good.
Brian predicts a men’s team win. As dinner service starts, I think Danielle says she didn’t hear Ramsey? What? I don’t know what’s going on with that, but the risotto she brings up is undercooked. Justin tells the rest of the men he and Brian should be the only ones talking, since he’s leading apps and Brian is the only other one involved. Ramsey is thrilled, until Brian fails at searing fish. Danielle won’t give times, just “coming soon”, tells Robyn to drop the calamari, then says she’s going up and starts hollering for Robyn’s stuff. Danielle claims she is just in the zone. Somehow it all works. Brian gets his act together too.
Brian tries to redeem himself on fish, but the cod is raw. Ramsey throws it at him. Brian admits in confessional he just can’t cook fish tonight, but he also refuses help. Now it’s burnt. He actually screws up so badly he runs through his whole supply of cod trying to cook the first ticket. They replace it with sea bass, and Brian makes the mistake of saying “It’s coming, baby”. You cook like a baby! Get out! Roshni brings up raw Wellingtons. Don seems to be screwing up the meat station, but it’s perfect. It was creepy how he was just staring off into space, though. Roshni’s Wellingtons now don’t match, I guess one end is not cooked enough. Everyone is yelling for Wellington, as she is putting it back in the oven, taking it out, putting it back in. To be fair, I have done that before with things that aren’t cooking properly, but I don’t work in a restaurant. She finally serves some, but they’re cold. Roshni gets kicked out, but now Danielle is in charge of meat and she looks pretty nervous. Don cuts up some steak, but it’s raw. Royce tells everyone Don needs more time, but Don insists they’re fine. Then he takes them up anyway and gets yelled at for his efforts. He keeps saying “One minute!” which is obviously not true. Hilariously, when Ramsey tells him to quit yelling one minute, he goes, “Uhhh…like, a minute and a half.” Ha. After all that, the meat is overcooked. Don gets kicked out too, and bitches that there is a lot of stuff going on in the kitchen and he’s just trying his best. Whatever, you know that won’t fly. Danielle and Robyn actually bring things up together, but Robyn’s garnish is terrible and Danielle’s sauce is cold. Both of them get kicked out, so that’s three women and two men out. Royce and Justin are both cooking fish, for some reason, probably because when you kick people out and make others cover their station they get confused as to which station they’re working. Ramsey actually kicks them both out. Now there are more people in the dorms than in the kitchen. Cleaning the extra people out of the kitchen does the trick and they actually finish.
Ramsey says watching service was like “having a root canal and passing a kidney stone at the same time”. Hee. Both teams lose! Each team nominate two people. Clemenza puts up Don, who claims that he only screwed up one steak and it’s the fish station’s fault. Brian gets put up, but promises never to do it again. Everyone seems to be putting up Brian and Don. Robyn says, whoever got kicked out of the kitchen should be put up, which is terribly logical. Robyn tries to defend herself, even though she just said logically she should be put up. They all seem to agree on Roshni. Robyn blames Danielle, and Kimmie joins in, because she got “quiet” and she didn’t communicate.
The men put up Don and Brian, to no one’s surprise. The women put up Roshni and Danielle. Roshni has been nominated 3 out of 4 times, even though one of those times was for no reason. She says she’s a fighter and a team player. Danielle says she’s only had problems with communication. Don says he has a lot to offer his team, and they just want him to step up. Brian claims he is a machine. Don gets kicked out. Ramsey says he doesn’t get it. Then he says he’s not done yet. Danielle! Back in line! Brian! Back in line! Roshni! You’re on the blue team! Huh. Roshni obviously is glad to not be eliminated. It’s also telling there are no interviews about how angry the men are to be stuck with Roshni.
Next week: the men I guess pretend to be gentlemen for like, an hour. The women hate each other, I guess. Sabotage. There is a piñata.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Hell's Kitchen 6/11/12--"16 Chefs Compete" summary
Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: it was the second episode, so everyone had to wake up super early and humiliate themselves. This time, everyone had to dig through ice and find scallops in the shell. Royce got hit in the face, but it looked like an accident. Contrary to the preview. Then the women cooked scallops properly to win a reward, a skill that lasted…until dinner service. Royce and Guy fight, and Barbie and Tiffany fight, and Barbie and Robyn fight. The women managed to make it to entrees, but Barbie continued to screw up so no entrees ever made it out of the kitchen. Chris couldn’t cook scallops either so both teams got kicked out of the kitchen. Tiffany’s kind of scary when she’s pissed off. The women were so desperate to get rid of Barbie that they put her up against Roshni, who didn’t do anything wrong. The men put up Chris and Royce. Chris ends up being sent home. (click for more)
Everyone goes back to the dorms and the women yell at Barbie. They also yell at each other, sort of, and talk around her like she’s not there. Robyn points out that one person (Barbie) made their whole team of eight people fail. Barbie smugly interviews that the cream rises to the top and Robyn is starting to crack.
For some reason Barbie gets up at 5:45am and loads the dishwasher while stomping her feet. Seriously? Is that the level we’re at right now? She’s just throwing things and stomping her feet in place. When the rest of the women come out to yell at her, Barbie says she just wants everyone to know “where they are and what we‘re here to do“, and she was just washing dishes. And she says it all quiet, which is really obnoxious. Tiffany loses it and starts yelling at her about stomping her feet and says she’s about to choke her out. Barbie says that’s not about to happen, which means Tiffany goes for her and people have to hold her back. Of course. The best part is it’s Robyn who holds her back. Barbie mocks them in interview, which really, would probably make people want to smack her more. Robyn threatens her too, before leaving with Tiffany. Ramsey calls and says everyone needs to go downstairs. Kimmie knows they need be a team.
Ramsey shushes them and makes them go into the kitchen, where…someone has filled the dining room with patriotic bunting and people singing “America the Beautiful.” WTF. Some random guy (a judge, I guess) congratulates everyone on becoming US citizens. I don’t think citizenship ceremonies involve singing, or long wait times for poorly-cooked food, but we’ll go with it. Guy reveals he had to apply twice for his citizenship. Gordon announces “an all-American meal”. First team to serve their side of the dining room wins. That’s 60 people.
The menu is Cobb salad for appetizer, and an entrée (Nebraska beef sliders, New York style pizza, or ‘Wisconsin’ grilled cheese sandwich). I guess no dessert. Salads have to go out first, so the men are waiting for Royce. He seems to be keeping it together today. Meanwhile Barbie is plating pizzas for no reason, even though the salad isn’t done. She gets a deer-in-headlights look and apologizes. Kimmie says something about how she’s making pizza…so is Barbie just garnishing? I don’t know. Anyway, Barbie got yelled at. Robyn yells at everyone that they have to put out the salads first, and Ramsey thanks her. The women move on, but Royce is still making salads. He’s still talking about himself in the third person, which is pretty annoying, but he’s put mushrooms on the Cobb salad. Clemenza points out that all the ingredients are chopped already. Royce gets pissy that people are helping him, but since he already screwed up, he really has nothing to say. The men are finally moving on.
So everyone makes it to entrees. The women bring up some sliders, but now they are waiting on pizza. Now the labor is made clear: Kimmie is actually manning the oven, while Barbie is supposed to garnish. For some reason Barbie is futzing with the oven, so there is no pizza ready. Then of course when she brings one up, it’s burnt. Briana says about the nicest thing anyone’s said about Barbie today, which is that she can’t tell if Barbie is sabotaging them on purpose or if she is really trying to help and just failing. Ramsey kicks Barbie off pizzas. Clemenza claims that since he is from New York and his dad owns a pizzeria or whatever, then he is all over this. Of course this is the cue for him to undercook it. To be fair to the men, they are telling him to “bounce back” instead of cursing him out, as the women are doing to Barbie. Clemenza recovers well, but Brian fails at the burgers. They go to commercial like Brian won’t admit it’s his fault, but it’s all editing. Patrick takes over and complains that these guys should be able to cook a slider. Even with this failure, somehow the men are only two tables behind. Doesn’t matter though, because the women finish first. Ramsey tells them to go help the men, who immediately get defensive and tell the women to stay off their stations and so forth.
The prize is to go to San Diego on “safari”. Also they get a private jet, which makes the women all squeal and run off. Ramsey ask who is the leader, and begs someone to take over. Patrick raises his hand and says he’ll take over. Interesting. Royce thinks Patrick is in over his head, which is hilarious coming from Royce. The punishment is to go to some wetlands and do hard labor. I think Kimmie says “we’re going to rock out with our cock out” which is not only grammatically incorrect, it makes no sense. The men have to cut down a tree. Heh. Dana gets licked by a giraffe, which is quite funny. They sit down for lunch, and Ramsey makes them all swear to complete service. Barbie then announces that she apologizes, in front of “Chef”, for waking them up. Bullshit. She’s not sorry, she’s just doing that so she can look good in front of Ramsey. Judging from the looks the other contestants are giving her, they don’t buy it either. She also claims it won’t happen again. Patrick tells people what to do, and Guy complains that he should lead by example. But they finished, so that’s what’s important.
Everyone gets ready for service, and the women seem to be a team, right now. Patrick micromanages everyone, which pisses people off. Royce gets cocky, which is annoying but slightly justified. Then he says something about bandanas in confessional, as he is wearing a bandana. Ramsey says James (JP’s far inferior replacement) is tired of apologizing to people, so one person from each team has to be a waiter. I never like this. Being a waiter is a different skill set. Tiffany and Don get stuck doing it. Ramsey gets on a cell phone (with a Union Jack cover, excellent job, producers) to call Royce’s boss. You will remember Royce works for a former contestant. Ralph tells him to step up, sadly without any profanity.
Royce claims to have his A++ game. The risotto is good, so now he’s really cocky. Dana brings up soupy pasta. She works hard to fix it, because she doesn’t want to bring the whole team down. Don can’t spell anything. Like “Appetizers”. He gets tootling bumbling music. The men are actually doing well so far, but that only lasts until Clemenza says it will be 20 minutes for entrees. Somehow he cuts that down, then brings up lamb that is perfect. It’s weird. Dana redeems herself. Ramsey says the next table is firefighters so don’t fuck it up. Barbie loses it a little and says her scallops are so great Ramsey will say she’s a sexy bitch, or something. But they are raw and unsexy. The men get a table of Marines. Clemenza says he’s ready, but the Wellington is raw. At least he doesn’t bring it up. Christina jumps in to make scallops because I guess Barbie and whoever were taking too long. Surprisingly no one complains. Clemenza asks Patrick how long his dishes will be, then gives the same response of three minutes when Ramsey asks him how long he’ll take. Then he starts cutting up Wellingtons right away instead of three minutes from now. Scott catches him, so he has to throw those out. He’s down to two Wellingtons.
Kimmie and Briana are finally up, because they’ve made it to entrees. Somehow Briana burns the fish. Then for some reason she only brings up whatever is left, and says she didn’t realize it would shrink down that much. Now they have to start over. Clemenza overcooks some Wellingtons, except that was all he had left and they‘re only halfway through service. Ramsey yells about how it’s Marines a bunch of times. Clemenza has to go apologize and offer steaks instead. The Marines stare him down, which is kind of funny. Eventually they say steak is fine. Briana gets her fish cooked finally, and Roshni gets her moment to actually do something. She promptly forgets to cook dumplings for the cod. The men are moving well, but Roshni hasn’t cooked the dumplings properly. Try number four results in poorly cooked Wellingtons and burnt fish. Ramsey kicks all the women out of the kitchen. The men, by some miracle, serve all their entrees. We don’t see desserts, so either they were fine or the producers figured they make them so rarely they shouldn’t bother to serve them.
Ramsey praises Royce and Christina. Women lose, obviously, and we learn they didn’t serve any entrees at all. Briana offers to be nominated, and she doesn’t want to go home, but she understands she screwed up. Dana slips and asks if they all agree to vote for Barbie. Heh. Roshni is glad no one is mentioning her name. of course then people put up Barbie, because they all hate her. Barbie votes for Dana, but it looks like she’s outnumbered.
Briana is nominated for the cod. Second nominee is Barbie. Both for raw scallops. Ramsey says that both of them are good enough choices, but there’s one more person who should be nominated: Roshni. She looks confused. Ramsey thinks she’s in over her head, but she works hard and cooks with her heart. Briana is a team player and knows she can fix her mistakes and fight. Ramsey compares Barbie to an appendix because her whole team wants her out. She claims she’s done everything her team has asked her to do. Briana is out. Not enough of a fighter. Ramsey wants a leader, but some of them are disappearing. The next challenge will test them “like never before”. Barbie thinks everyone is intimidated by her, instead of just hating her guts, and then she promises to stay until Ramsey tells her to go. Which…is different from normal how?
Next time: the women yell at each other, someone cuts their hand.
Everyone goes back to the dorms and the women yell at Barbie. They also yell at each other, sort of, and talk around her like she’s not there. Robyn points out that one person (Barbie) made their whole team of eight people fail. Barbie smugly interviews that the cream rises to the top and Robyn is starting to crack.
For some reason Barbie gets up at 5:45am and loads the dishwasher while stomping her feet. Seriously? Is that the level we’re at right now? She’s just throwing things and stomping her feet in place. When the rest of the women come out to yell at her, Barbie says she just wants everyone to know “where they are and what we‘re here to do“, and she was just washing dishes. And she says it all quiet, which is really obnoxious. Tiffany loses it and starts yelling at her about stomping her feet and says she’s about to choke her out. Barbie says that’s not about to happen, which means Tiffany goes for her and people have to hold her back. Of course. The best part is it’s Robyn who holds her back. Barbie mocks them in interview, which really, would probably make people want to smack her more. Robyn threatens her too, before leaving with Tiffany. Ramsey calls and says everyone needs to go downstairs. Kimmie knows they need be a team.
Ramsey shushes them and makes them go into the kitchen, where…someone has filled the dining room with patriotic bunting and people singing “America the Beautiful.” WTF. Some random guy (a judge, I guess) congratulates everyone on becoming US citizens. I don’t think citizenship ceremonies involve singing, or long wait times for poorly-cooked food, but we’ll go with it. Guy reveals he had to apply twice for his citizenship. Gordon announces “an all-American meal”. First team to serve their side of the dining room wins. That’s 60 people.
The menu is Cobb salad for appetizer, and an entrée (Nebraska beef sliders, New York style pizza, or ‘Wisconsin’ grilled cheese sandwich). I guess no dessert. Salads have to go out first, so the men are waiting for Royce. He seems to be keeping it together today. Meanwhile Barbie is plating pizzas for no reason, even though the salad isn’t done. She gets a deer-in-headlights look and apologizes. Kimmie says something about how she’s making pizza…so is Barbie just garnishing? I don’t know. Anyway, Barbie got yelled at. Robyn yells at everyone that they have to put out the salads first, and Ramsey thanks her. The women move on, but Royce is still making salads. He’s still talking about himself in the third person, which is pretty annoying, but he’s put mushrooms on the Cobb salad. Clemenza points out that all the ingredients are chopped already. Royce gets pissy that people are helping him, but since he already screwed up, he really has nothing to say. The men are finally moving on.
So everyone makes it to entrees. The women bring up some sliders, but now they are waiting on pizza. Now the labor is made clear: Kimmie is actually manning the oven, while Barbie is supposed to garnish. For some reason Barbie is futzing with the oven, so there is no pizza ready. Then of course when she brings one up, it’s burnt. Briana says about the nicest thing anyone’s said about Barbie today, which is that she can’t tell if Barbie is sabotaging them on purpose or if she is really trying to help and just failing. Ramsey kicks Barbie off pizzas. Clemenza claims that since he is from New York and his dad owns a pizzeria or whatever, then he is all over this. Of course this is the cue for him to undercook it. To be fair to the men, they are telling him to “bounce back” instead of cursing him out, as the women are doing to Barbie. Clemenza recovers well, but Brian fails at the burgers. They go to commercial like Brian won’t admit it’s his fault, but it’s all editing. Patrick takes over and complains that these guys should be able to cook a slider. Even with this failure, somehow the men are only two tables behind. Doesn’t matter though, because the women finish first. Ramsey tells them to go help the men, who immediately get defensive and tell the women to stay off their stations and so forth.
The prize is to go to San Diego on “safari”. Also they get a private jet, which makes the women all squeal and run off. Ramsey ask who is the leader, and begs someone to take over. Patrick raises his hand and says he’ll take over. Interesting. Royce thinks Patrick is in over his head, which is hilarious coming from Royce. The punishment is to go to some wetlands and do hard labor. I think Kimmie says “we’re going to rock out with our cock out” which is not only grammatically incorrect, it makes no sense. The men have to cut down a tree. Heh. Dana gets licked by a giraffe, which is quite funny. They sit down for lunch, and Ramsey makes them all swear to complete service. Barbie then announces that she apologizes, in front of “Chef”, for waking them up. Bullshit. She’s not sorry, she’s just doing that so she can look good in front of Ramsey. Judging from the looks the other contestants are giving her, they don’t buy it either. She also claims it won’t happen again. Patrick tells people what to do, and Guy complains that he should lead by example. But they finished, so that’s what’s important.
Everyone gets ready for service, and the women seem to be a team, right now. Patrick micromanages everyone, which pisses people off. Royce gets cocky, which is annoying but slightly justified. Then he says something about bandanas in confessional, as he is wearing a bandana. Ramsey says James (JP’s far inferior replacement) is tired of apologizing to people, so one person from each team has to be a waiter. I never like this. Being a waiter is a different skill set. Tiffany and Don get stuck doing it. Ramsey gets on a cell phone (with a Union Jack cover, excellent job, producers) to call Royce’s boss. You will remember Royce works for a former contestant. Ralph tells him to step up, sadly without any profanity.
Royce claims to have his A++ game. The risotto is good, so now he’s really cocky. Dana brings up soupy pasta. She works hard to fix it, because she doesn’t want to bring the whole team down. Don can’t spell anything. Like “Appetizers”. He gets tootling bumbling music. The men are actually doing well so far, but that only lasts until Clemenza says it will be 20 minutes for entrees. Somehow he cuts that down, then brings up lamb that is perfect. It’s weird. Dana redeems herself. Ramsey says the next table is firefighters so don’t fuck it up. Barbie loses it a little and says her scallops are so great Ramsey will say she’s a sexy bitch, or something. But they are raw and unsexy. The men get a table of Marines. Clemenza says he’s ready, but the Wellington is raw. At least he doesn’t bring it up. Christina jumps in to make scallops because I guess Barbie and whoever were taking too long. Surprisingly no one complains. Clemenza asks Patrick how long his dishes will be, then gives the same response of three minutes when Ramsey asks him how long he’ll take. Then he starts cutting up Wellingtons right away instead of three minutes from now. Scott catches him, so he has to throw those out. He’s down to two Wellingtons.
Kimmie and Briana are finally up, because they’ve made it to entrees. Somehow Briana burns the fish. Then for some reason she only brings up whatever is left, and says she didn’t realize it would shrink down that much. Now they have to start over. Clemenza overcooks some Wellingtons, except that was all he had left and they‘re only halfway through service. Ramsey yells about how it’s Marines a bunch of times. Clemenza has to go apologize and offer steaks instead. The Marines stare him down, which is kind of funny. Eventually they say steak is fine. Briana gets her fish cooked finally, and Roshni gets her moment to actually do something. She promptly forgets to cook dumplings for the cod. The men are moving well, but Roshni hasn’t cooked the dumplings properly. Try number four results in poorly cooked Wellingtons and burnt fish. Ramsey kicks all the women out of the kitchen. The men, by some miracle, serve all their entrees. We don’t see desserts, so either they were fine or the producers figured they make them so rarely they shouldn’t bother to serve them.
Ramsey praises Royce and Christina. Women lose, obviously, and we learn they didn’t serve any entrees at all. Briana offers to be nominated, and she doesn’t want to go home, but she understands she screwed up. Dana slips and asks if they all agree to vote for Barbie. Heh. Roshni is glad no one is mentioning her name. of course then people put up Barbie, because they all hate her. Barbie votes for Dana, but it looks like she’s outnumbered.
Briana is nominated for the cod. Second nominee is Barbie. Both for raw scallops. Ramsey says that both of them are good enough choices, but there’s one more person who should be nominated: Roshni. She looks confused. Ramsey thinks she’s in over her head, but she works hard and cooks with her heart. Briana is a team player and knows she can fix her mistakes and fight. Ramsey compares Barbie to an appendix because her whole team wants her out. She claims she’s done everything her team has asked her to do. Briana is out. Not enough of a fighter. Ramsey wants a leader, but some of them are disappearing. The next challenge will test them “like never before”. Barbie thinks everyone is intimidated by her, instead of just hating her guts, and then she promises to stay until Ramsey tells her to go. Which…is different from normal how?
Next time: the women yell at each other, someone cuts their hand.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Hell's Kitchen 6/5/12--"17 Chefs Compete" summary
I’m not sure why Fox likes to air these episodes over two days. Why not just make two hours of “Hell’s Kitchen” one night and then two hours of “MasterChef” the other night? Anyway, people failed at cooking, cursing was rampant, “customers” were not fed. Tavon was sent home for generally being unhelpful. (click for more)
The announcer reminds us what happened yesterday, in hushed excited tones like he’s working a golf tournament. Only louder. Everything is terribly important and dramatic. Royce smokes and brags about himself in confessional. Brian knows his team is jacked up and needs to get it together.
Early wake-up time! Aww, it’s like, 6:18. It’s light out, FFS. I do enjoy this part though. This year we have some “rappers” and mikes and an amp. “Wake the funk up!” Hee. Scott has armed himself with a rolling pin, I guess in case someone is not woken up by the lights and the noise. Seriously, you guys, not only does this happen every season, but it’s always the same episode. Come on. And every season, it’s hilarious to me. I’m a bad person. Ramsey makes them stand in the parking lot so he can berate them for sucking last night. He calls out Roshni for the scallops, because Tavon is the one who screwed the men’s team and he’s not here. The truck that’s randomly there pulls away to reveal two huge piles of ice. There are 125 scallops in each pile. First team to find all of them gets…something. Yelled at less, I guess.
See, the other great part of this show is how the piles of ice also contain long strings of kelp, for absolutely no reason. None. Someone was like “Scallops…ocean…kelp! We can get some kelp, right? Get an intern on that.” I guess the scallops are in shells still, because all of a sudden Royce is standing up straight and blood is streaming down his face. He says someone hit him in the face with a scallop. Why didn’t the camera catch that? I think whoever was standing next to him was just flinging stuff around and Royce got unlucky. Guy gloats and says this is karma for Royce throwing him under the bus yesterday. Barbie kind of stands around. The guys win, somehow. He tells both teams to take their scallops to the kitchen and get dressed.
Once everyone is fully awake, Ramsey reveals the real challenge: shuck, clean, and cook as many orders of scallops as your team can. Ramsey demonstrates how to open and shuck scallops, and clean them too. There is a demo plate of scallops, and Ramsey is going to even be picky about how the flat side of the scallop should be pointed in toward the salad. I am going to guess that won’t really come up. Unless they need a tie. First team to get 6 dishes done wins. Work in pairs.
The women take time and are perfectionists, while the men try to make dishes as fast as possible. Clemenza and partner are the first ones up, but they haven’t put the flat side into the center so they have to start over. Barbie and Tiffany have a successful dish. Boys have one large scallop and one small. Women get another point. Boys screw up cutting. I sense a theme. Soon it is 5 to 0 in favor of the women. The announcer says the men will need a miracle…but will have to settle for Guy and Royce. Heh. They actually manage to get a point, so good for them, I guess. Somehow magically the men bring up another plate for a second point, and suddenly the women start failing. Seriously? OK, they only fail once before Tiffany and Barbie come back up. And then we go to commercial, so they’ll be fine. And they are. Barbie is very proud of herself because half the dishes were hers. Brian is embarrassed. Women get to go with Ramsey on a yacht to some island off Catalina. Men have to clean all the crap outside from this morning, and shell and devein some prawns.
Patrick thinks other people are not pulling their weight. The men throw chunks of ice at the girl’s car as they leave. Everyone hangs out on the yacht. Robyn mentions her fiancée for some reason and Barbie thinks she should shut up and pick Ramsey’s brain. Meanwhile Scott says something about wasting food, takes all the reject scallops, and purees them to make shakes. I love this show. The guys chug them and no one vomits, so I guess that’s something. Royce and Brian get pissy, I guess because Brian wants to make a joke and Royce is offended? Royce contributed to them losing yesterday. Probably you want to shut up and fly under the radar for a few days. The women zipline, only Roshni is so tiny she gets stuck in the middle of the line. Everyone laughs at her while she says “OH MY GOD” a bunch of times.
Right before dinner service, the men seem to have agreed to work together and not hate each other. Barbie and Robyn get in a bitchy argument about tape or something. Robyn asks if Barbie has enough to share, and Barbie says “Not really, but here”, which is just unnecessary. Not that I’ve never done that, but it’s pretty bitchy. Robyn rants and they have a stupid argument, and then Robyn interviews that Barbie is lucky they’re not in “the hood” right now. Except when she crosses her arms in confessional she’s looking up to the corner of the room and she looks like she’s about to cry. Not…really menacing.
Ramsey tells them it’s about pride and redemption. Also there is a tableside service of shrimp scampi, as an appetizer. Christina and Brian are taking care of it. Don is trying to make pizza, only he seems to be terrified and failing. It’s somehow burnt on top and raw underneath. How do you even do that? Kimmie does a great job on her pizza, but Briana fails on the risotto. She’s brought up three pans with three different colors, for the same table. Ramsey asks her why she didn’t just put them all in one pan. Yeah. Guy says there’s no way his risotto will get sent back, and he is not struck down for his hubris because it’s actually good. Brian seems to be doing fine, except his shrimp are getting sent back for being raw. Ramsey hollers at him from the kitchen, and the camera shakes like he’s that loud. Start over!
45 minutes in, and it’s the women’s turn to fail today, since they haven’t served anything yet. Barbie is searing scallops but she hasn’t counted and hasn‘t cooked enough. Tiffany knows there aren’t enough, but doesn’t care because she knows Barbie will get yelled at. They finally get some food out. Chris has four orders of scallops, and apparently is thrown by figuring out how to cook them, how many in each pan, whatever. So he brings up half of them that are pretty brown, and half that are much lighter. Ramsey makes the whole team go sit and eat them all. Then Barbie fails at scallops too. Robyn insists that Barbie ruins everything.
Ramsey warns the men that if anyone screws up anything this next ticket, “God help them”. So the majority of the team goes to cook scallops, I guess to make sure they can find enough that are passable. Somehow they manage to pull it off, which prompts Royce to say in confessional “Uh! Get a mouthful of this!” I think I threw up in my mouth a little.
Finally both teams are done with appetizers and we can move on to appetizers. Robyn asks how long for sea bass, and Barbie tells her two minutes. But Robyn keeps asking until Barbie curses at her. Really, I don’t’ think that was Robyn being an idiot so much as it was Robyn not trusting Barbie. This way, the whole team, and probably Andi and Ramsey will hear Barbie say two minutes, so if Barbie screws up later, Robyn won’t have to take any blame. Robyn then interviews that Barbie doesn’t understand time, so I think my theory is right. Then instead of saying anything, Barbie just takes her fish up to the pass while Robyn is asking for times on it. See, now Robyn looks like she’s not ready, even though she was. Or thought she was. The fish is overcooked, and the lamb is undercooked, which is weird but a fail all around. Robyn swears her timing was thrown off, except I don’t see how. She needed more time than two minutes but never said anything. Whatever, no one is going to admit they screwed up. Chris brings up raw cold tuna. The Wellington is good though, and then Chris is ready again, and more Wellingtons, and Royce has been put on garnish and seems pretty flustered. He’s got too many things going, and his potatoes are stuck to the bottom of the pot so Ramsey can wave the pot around. Royce cries in confessional and says he didn’t know how the potatoes were supposed to be. I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to be stuck to the bottom of the pan.
Now we’re two hours in and not one entrée has gone out. Barbie has six pans of bass going, and Tiffany actually admits she told her to start them. Then when Tiffany gets yelled at for not cooking fish to order, she is flabbergasted. Really? Precooked fish is really not that good. Tiffany thinks she’s getting her food out just fine so I guess somehow this is Barbie’s fault for doing what Tiffany told her. Barbie is still making scallop appetizers and brings up poor ones AGAIN so Ramsey kicks all the girls out of the kitchen. Robyn immediately blames Barbie and calls her a bitch. Tiffany suddenly loses her fucking mind and starts screaming and smacking bottles around and throwing things on the ground. I can’t even tell who she’s pissed at because there are too many bleeps. It’s kind of scary. The men try again to get out an entrée, and someone brings up overcooked steak. All of you! Get out! Well that was fun.
Ramsey especially yells at everyone about the scallops, then makes everyone losers. Each team must come up with two people “that you don’t want in your team any longer”. Well that was suspiciously specific language. Sounds like they’re swapping teammates instead of elimination. Chris admits he screwed up the fish and the scallops too, so he’s fine with his nomination. The women quickly name Barbie, who kind of gets loud but doesn’t really argue. Kimmie for some reason tries to pick a fight with her, but she’s agreeing with you! At least make sure there’s a fight before you start cursing, Jesus. Christina quickly stops them, because they all know Barbie is one nominee and they’re in agreement, FFS. For some reason the women split up somehow, and Dana says that she doesn’t think anyone else was bad enough to go home. So her plan is to nominate Roshni, because there’s no way Ramsey will send her home over Barbie. That always backfires, Dana! Don’t you watch this show? Everyone agrees though which is stupid. Don gets nominated for screwing up pizza, but Chris says Don did a better job than himself and Royce. Royce says something dumb about how they should “vote [him] off” and he’ll defend his “honor”. Royce also claims he never was shown how to make the mashed potatoes. Guy says man up.
Robyn gloats that Barbie is going home, which is how you know Barbie is not going home. Obviously Barbie is the first nominee, and Roshni is the second. Ramsey almost laughs at them. The men put up Chris and Royce. All four of them come up, and Roshni says she doesn’t even know why she’s up there. Ramsey says “what!?” as if she’s delusional, and then Roshni explains the stupid plan. Dana backs her up. Barbie says she won’t make the same mistakes again, and also when asked she says the worst chefs on her team are Kimmie, who breaks down morale, and Robyn. We all knew she was going to say Robyn. Robyn says Barbie is the one who brings down morale, and thankfully Barbie doesn’t respond. Royce has a horrible reputation, but he says he is dedicated and has knowledge. He says he’s not the worst on the team. Chris is strong and has passion, and he knows he fucked up. Ramsey is “sorry that three scallops and a non-stick pan frazzled your mind.” Ouch. Roshni and Royce! Back in line! Barbie and Chris! You should both go home! But Barbie gets sent back to her team with an ugly smirk on her face. You can see when she gets back there that she had actually started to unbutton her jacket. Chris goes home. Tomorrow there is a surprise! Piss off! Robyn promises to make Barbie’s life hell. Barbie thinks she will win the whole thing. Oh, dude, I was wrong about trading team members. I was wrong about all my editing predictions except Barbie going home. Dang.
Next time: Tiffany loses her shit again, the men continue to stink up the place, there is some gimmick with a phone.
The announcer reminds us what happened yesterday, in hushed excited tones like he’s working a golf tournament. Only louder. Everything is terribly important and dramatic. Royce smokes and brags about himself in confessional. Brian knows his team is jacked up and needs to get it together.
Early wake-up time! Aww, it’s like, 6:18. It’s light out, FFS. I do enjoy this part though. This year we have some “rappers” and mikes and an amp. “Wake the funk up!” Hee. Scott has armed himself with a rolling pin, I guess in case someone is not woken up by the lights and the noise. Seriously, you guys, not only does this happen every season, but it’s always the same episode. Come on. And every season, it’s hilarious to me. I’m a bad person. Ramsey makes them stand in the parking lot so he can berate them for sucking last night. He calls out Roshni for the scallops, because Tavon is the one who screwed the men’s team and he’s not here. The truck that’s randomly there pulls away to reveal two huge piles of ice. There are 125 scallops in each pile. First team to find all of them gets…something. Yelled at less, I guess.
See, the other great part of this show is how the piles of ice also contain long strings of kelp, for absolutely no reason. None. Someone was like “Scallops…ocean…kelp! We can get some kelp, right? Get an intern on that.” I guess the scallops are in shells still, because all of a sudden Royce is standing up straight and blood is streaming down his face. He says someone hit him in the face with a scallop. Why didn’t the camera catch that? I think whoever was standing next to him was just flinging stuff around and Royce got unlucky. Guy gloats and says this is karma for Royce throwing him under the bus yesterday. Barbie kind of stands around. The guys win, somehow. He tells both teams to take their scallops to the kitchen and get dressed.
Once everyone is fully awake, Ramsey reveals the real challenge: shuck, clean, and cook as many orders of scallops as your team can. Ramsey demonstrates how to open and shuck scallops, and clean them too. There is a demo plate of scallops, and Ramsey is going to even be picky about how the flat side of the scallop should be pointed in toward the salad. I am going to guess that won’t really come up. Unless they need a tie. First team to get 6 dishes done wins. Work in pairs.
The women take time and are perfectionists, while the men try to make dishes as fast as possible. Clemenza and partner are the first ones up, but they haven’t put the flat side into the center so they have to start over. Barbie and Tiffany have a successful dish. Boys have one large scallop and one small. Women get another point. Boys screw up cutting. I sense a theme. Soon it is 5 to 0 in favor of the women. The announcer says the men will need a miracle…but will have to settle for Guy and Royce. Heh. They actually manage to get a point, so good for them, I guess. Somehow magically the men bring up another plate for a second point, and suddenly the women start failing. Seriously? OK, they only fail once before Tiffany and Barbie come back up. And then we go to commercial, so they’ll be fine. And they are. Barbie is very proud of herself because half the dishes were hers. Brian is embarrassed. Women get to go with Ramsey on a yacht to some island off Catalina. Men have to clean all the crap outside from this morning, and shell and devein some prawns.
Patrick thinks other people are not pulling their weight. The men throw chunks of ice at the girl’s car as they leave. Everyone hangs out on the yacht. Robyn mentions her fiancée for some reason and Barbie thinks she should shut up and pick Ramsey’s brain. Meanwhile Scott says something about wasting food, takes all the reject scallops, and purees them to make shakes. I love this show. The guys chug them and no one vomits, so I guess that’s something. Royce and Brian get pissy, I guess because Brian wants to make a joke and Royce is offended? Royce contributed to them losing yesterday. Probably you want to shut up and fly under the radar for a few days. The women zipline, only Roshni is so tiny she gets stuck in the middle of the line. Everyone laughs at her while she says “OH MY GOD” a bunch of times.
Right before dinner service, the men seem to have agreed to work together and not hate each other. Barbie and Robyn get in a bitchy argument about tape or something. Robyn asks if Barbie has enough to share, and Barbie says “Not really, but here”, which is just unnecessary. Not that I’ve never done that, but it’s pretty bitchy. Robyn rants and they have a stupid argument, and then Robyn interviews that Barbie is lucky they’re not in “the hood” right now. Except when she crosses her arms in confessional she’s looking up to the corner of the room and she looks like she’s about to cry. Not…really menacing.
Ramsey tells them it’s about pride and redemption. Also there is a tableside service of shrimp scampi, as an appetizer. Christina and Brian are taking care of it. Don is trying to make pizza, only he seems to be terrified and failing. It’s somehow burnt on top and raw underneath. How do you even do that? Kimmie does a great job on her pizza, but Briana fails on the risotto. She’s brought up three pans with three different colors, for the same table. Ramsey asks her why she didn’t just put them all in one pan. Yeah. Guy says there’s no way his risotto will get sent back, and he is not struck down for his hubris because it’s actually good. Brian seems to be doing fine, except his shrimp are getting sent back for being raw. Ramsey hollers at him from the kitchen, and the camera shakes like he’s that loud. Start over!
45 minutes in, and it’s the women’s turn to fail today, since they haven’t served anything yet. Barbie is searing scallops but she hasn’t counted and hasn‘t cooked enough. Tiffany knows there aren’t enough, but doesn’t care because she knows Barbie will get yelled at. They finally get some food out. Chris has four orders of scallops, and apparently is thrown by figuring out how to cook them, how many in each pan, whatever. So he brings up half of them that are pretty brown, and half that are much lighter. Ramsey makes the whole team go sit and eat them all. Then Barbie fails at scallops too. Robyn insists that Barbie ruins everything.
Ramsey warns the men that if anyone screws up anything this next ticket, “God help them”. So the majority of the team goes to cook scallops, I guess to make sure they can find enough that are passable. Somehow they manage to pull it off, which prompts Royce to say in confessional “Uh! Get a mouthful of this!” I think I threw up in my mouth a little.
Finally both teams are done with appetizers and we can move on to appetizers. Robyn asks how long for sea bass, and Barbie tells her two minutes. But Robyn keeps asking until Barbie curses at her. Really, I don’t’ think that was Robyn being an idiot so much as it was Robyn not trusting Barbie. This way, the whole team, and probably Andi and Ramsey will hear Barbie say two minutes, so if Barbie screws up later, Robyn won’t have to take any blame. Robyn then interviews that Barbie doesn’t understand time, so I think my theory is right. Then instead of saying anything, Barbie just takes her fish up to the pass while Robyn is asking for times on it. See, now Robyn looks like she’s not ready, even though she was. Or thought she was. The fish is overcooked, and the lamb is undercooked, which is weird but a fail all around. Robyn swears her timing was thrown off, except I don’t see how. She needed more time than two minutes but never said anything. Whatever, no one is going to admit they screwed up. Chris brings up raw cold tuna. The Wellington is good though, and then Chris is ready again, and more Wellingtons, and Royce has been put on garnish and seems pretty flustered. He’s got too many things going, and his potatoes are stuck to the bottom of the pot so Ramsey can wave the pot around. Royce cries in confessional and says he didn’t know how the potatoes were supposed to be. I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to be stuck to the bottom of the pan.
Now we’re two hours in and not one entrée has gone out. Barbie has six pans of bass going, and Tiffany actually admits she told her to start them. Then when Tiffany gets yelled at for not cooking fish to order, she is flabbergasted. Really? Precooked fish is really not that good. Tiffany thinks she’s getting her food out just fine so I guess somehow this is Barbie’s fault for doing what Tiffany told her. Barbie is still making scallop appetizers and brings up poor ones AGAIN so Ramsey kicks all the girls out of the kitchen. Robyn immediately blames Barbie and calls her a bitch. Tiffany suddenly loses her fucking mind and starts screaming and smacking bottles around and throwing things on the ground. I can’t even tell who she’s pissed at because there are too many bleeps. It’s kind of scary. The men try again to get out an entrée, and someone brings up overcooked steak. All of you! Get out! Well that was fun.
Ramsey especially yells at everyone about the scallops, then makes everyone losers. Each team must come up with two people “that you don’t want in your team any longer”. Well that was suspiciously specific language. Sounds like they’re swapping teammates instead of elimination. Chris admits he screwed up the fish and the scallops too, so he’s fine with his nomination. The women quickly name Barbie, who kind of gets loud but doesn’t really argue. Kimmie for some reason tries to pick a fight with her, but she’s agreeing with you! At least make sure there’s a fight before you start cursing, Jesus. Christina quickly stops them, because they all know Barbie is one nominee and they’re in agreement, FFS. For some reason the women split up somehow, and Dana says that she doesn’t think anyone else was bad enough to go home. So her plan is to nominate Roshni, because there’s no way Ramsey will send her home over Barbie. That always backfires, Dana! Don’t you watch this show? Everyone agrees though which is stupid. Don gets nominated for screwing up pizza, but Chris says Don did a better job than himself and Royce. Royce says something dumb about how they should “vote [him] off” and he’ll defend his “honor”. Royce also claims he never was shown how to make the mashed potatoes. Guy says man up.
Robyn gloats that Barbie is going home, which is how you know Barbie is not going home. Obviously Barbie is the first nominee, and Roshni is the second. Ramsey almost laughs at them. The men put up Chris and Royce. All four of them come up, and Roshni says she doesn’t even know why she’s up there. Ramsey says “what!?” as if she’s delusional, and then Roshni explains the stupid plan. Dana backs her up. Barbie says she won’t make the same mistakes again, and also when asked she says the worst chefs on her team are Kimmie, who breaks down morale, and Robyn. We all knew she was going to say Robyn. Robyn says Barbie is the one who brings down morale, and thankfully Barbie doesn’t respond. Royce has a horrible reputation, but he says he is dedicated and has knowledge. He says he’s not the worst on the team. Chris is strong and has passion, and he knows he fucked up. Ramsey is “sorry that three scallops and a non-stick pan frazzled your mind.” Ouch. Roshni and Royce! Back in line! Barbie and Chris! You should both go home! But Barbie gets sent back to her team with an ugly smirk on her face. You can see when she gets back there that she had actually started to unbutton her jacket. Chris goes home. Tomorrow there is a surprise! Piss off! Robyn promises to make Barbie’s life hell. Barbie thinks she will win the whole thing. Oh, dude, I was wrong about trading team members. I was wrong about all my editing predictions except Barbie going home. Dang.
Next time: Tiffany loses her shit again, the men continue to stink up the place, there is some gimmick with a phone.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Hell's Kitchen 6/4/12--"18 Chefs Compete" summary
I know, I know, “Hell’s Kitchen” is not exactly quality television. But they are at least honest about it, with their yelling and cursing binges and every challenge ends in a tie so you can go to commercial on a cliffhanger. Obviously that is planned. But at least they own it, unlike some shows (I’m looking at you “Project Runway”) and they also don’t pretend to be about food. “Around the World in 80 Plates”. So I think I will write about a show that doesn’t pretend to be quality. But not “MasterChef”. There are only so many ways to say “amateur chefs don’t know how to make that” and also “that is disgusting“. And they use fake-outs more even more than this show.(click for more)
The opener claims 10,000 customers have been served, which means like, 25,000 have shown up. Right? There is a brief shot of Jean Phillipe. Aww, I miss JP and his “French” that slipped into Cockney several times. Why are we having a montage? Is this All-Stars? We pretend Gordon is putting his reputation on the line, which we all know isn’t true. If he was, they’d be working at Claridge’s or somewhere in England. Not in Vegas. This montage of yelling is not shocking, producers. Although, they seem to let someone kick another contestant. I’m going to get epilepsy from this thing, you guys. And not one minute is “shocking”. Most intense season ever! Pff.
OK, now we’re starting. The SUVs get a police escort, probably to warn everyone away. Lots of hooting and people who are dressed well because I guess they don’t watch reality TV ever and haven’t figured out they’re going to be cooking right away. When the contestants come in, they’re greeted by Scott, who is my favorite and also a badass. He welcomes them all, and Briana says she already has a crush on Scott, so good for her. Scott then pretends he wanted to work for Ramsey so badly he offered to shave his head. He produces a picture with hair, which could be of Scott, but no telling how old it is or what. He looks better bald. Now we pretend they’re going to make everyone shave their heads. Seriously? Is there anyone who thinks this is really happening? Anyone? The new female sous chef drags a barber’s chair in and I didn’t catch her name and I don’t care. Andi? Oh, she already shaved her head, ha ha. Clemenza claims to not have seen that coming, so…I guess he’s not so bright. Several people volunteer to shave their heads too, and Scott really does it! What?! He was so cute! Wow. OK, I figured this was fake, but I didn’t think they would actually shave any heads. A woman actually goes through with it, which is super crazy. Scott picks on the blonde girl who of course has been talking about how she won’t shave her head. Some producer cues Ramsey so he can appear and curse at Scott. So what about the first two people? I am floored at the balls of this show.
Cook your signature dish. Woo. The opening credits are a Vegas magic show or whatever. It’s lame like it always is. Ramsey looks like he’s about to start laughing. It’ll be men vs. women again. They have 45 minutes to cook. Several girls have brought hair elastics to pull their hair back with, so I guess they are genre savvy sort of. Blonde girl lights something on fire and messes up her shoes stomping it out.
Ramsey points out the two people who got their heads shaved are not around…because they’re Scott’s friends. Ha! OK, you got me. That was a good one. And Andi of course is not really bald. Ramsey is looking for “his” head chef, for Gordon Ramsey’s Steaks in Vegas, as if all those other years were different. I guess “executive chef of a restaurant I own” is somehow different from “my head chef of a restaurant with my name on it”. You also get $250,000, which is a nice chunk of change.
Robyn serves seared striped bass over fennel. It looks pretty good and tastes good. Don serves “Southwestern saltimbocca”, which is too big a portion and makes Ramsey cough. He makes the girl eat it, and lets her spit it out when it sucks. So obviously the girls win that one. Tiffany: lamb schnitzel. I guess it has breading but then too much sauce so it’s soggy. Guy: pan seared striped bass with chocolate miso sauce. But before he describes it, he says it isn’t right and then tells Ramsey not to eat it because he wouldn’t serve it. Ramsey tastes a little sauce and then says they both suck. No points. Meanwhile, Clemenza has been coughing up a lung in the background. He doesn’t look very good. He claims to be fine, but he looks kind of pale. Roshni, who is tiny, serves coriander-crusted rack of lamb. Delicious. Royce (seriously?) made pan-seared grouper. He cooks for the runner-up of the first season. Interesting. Also delicious so points for all. Danielle (blonde girl) makes some kind of pasta, and Justin (cute) makes…crab cakes, maybe, and Justin gets a point while Danielle fails. I don’t know, they don’t really talk about it. So now it’s tied (of course). Kimmie makes “fisherman’s trio” which looks like it’s all fried maybe? At least it’s all the same color. Brian makes dessert and also fails. Barbie (soggy potatoes) and Chris (bitter and burnt). Briana (good duck) and Patrick (also good). So still a tie. Dana: pan seared scallops. And she did it right, so SOMEONE learned to do that before they came. About time. Tavon: shrimp, scallops, and crab, with pasta and sauce. It looks messy, and there’s too much balsamic vinegar. Girls are up by one. Chris becomes our designated asshole by claiming it’s a “proven” fact that men are better chefs than women. Sorry, “females”. There’s one every year. Christina: molasses braised pork chop, which is great. Clemenza finally goes up, and serves a stuffed veal chop. Aren’t the girls up by one? So…if Christina’s food was good, then they’ve already won. Clemenza! Too much truffle oil! So the women win, as anyone with simple math figured out a minute ago. Men have to clean both kitchens. Tavon is wearing white skinny jeans and does not want to wash dishes. Women get a steak BBQ with two previous winners.
Rock and Dave are nice, and kiss up to the women because they’re not stupid. The men bitch about cleaning. Clemenza is deficient in math because he thinks he should have gotten his point, even though the women still would have won. Afterwards they study, while the women sort of study and then get really off topic. Robyn is irritated they’re not focused. I believe scallops are compared to a penis.
Every chef gets new knives, which is a pretty sweet gift. The men seem to be fine, while the women are more nervous. This is the 125th dinner service. Wow. Briana! Name the entrees! Fail. She can’t even name one. Just kidding, after commercial she names them all. The announcer claims the restaurant is “booked solid”, as if these people are real customers and not the crew’s friends or whatever.
Roshni brings up scallops that look OK, but for some reason she’s brought up three when one portion is five. Oops. Then the ones she brings are raw. Why isn’t Dana making scallops? The men can’t find anchovies for the salad. Well really Royce can’t find them. Guy says he should get them himself, but Royce blames Guy because I guess Guy prepped that station. Roshni finally brings up more scallops, which are still raw, so Ramsey kicks her out. Barbie does a better job so they’re moving things. Royce finds anchovies but then someone brings up raw pigeon. That would be Tavon, who has claimed to be an executive chef.
One hour in and the men haven’t served anything yet. I guess a couple of guys skipped ahead to the next table. Justin also claims sabotage, because the scallops were sliced poorly or something, and that’s Tavon’s fault too. They are pretty bad. Brian says “Tavon treated those scallops like a homeless wreck”, which makes no sense at all. Tavon is not properly sorry and is kicked out.
The women have picked up, so now everyone has to get entrees together. Christina’s Wellington is so raw the dough isn’t even done. She claims with baking you can’t tell until the end if it’s done. They replace the pastry on a bunch of Wellingtons, which helps somehow, but now they’ll be 15 minutes. Whoops. Royce talks about himself in the third person and makes appetizers, sort of, except for the part where the pasta is raw. He gets kicked out too. So that’s about 90 minutes and three chefs kicked out. He claims to be the best.
The men try to bring up onion tarts that are raw too. Really? I can tell if my baking is done. Ramsey kicks all of them out. Sad. What was that about men being better chefs? The women have stalled out on entrees and haven’t served any yet. Ramsey shuts down everything. So, one team only served appetizers while one team didn’t serve a single table. That hasn’t happened in a while.
The men were the losing team tonight, obviously. Go nominate two people. Obviously, Tavon and Royce get put up right away. Royce claims he was sabotaged by Guy’s not prepping anchovies. Clemenza briefly campaigns for Don, as he didn’t do much during dinner service. He says he was on entrees, so he didn’t have anything to do and couldn’t prove himself. Tavon tries to throw others under the bus, but he doesn’t seem to be doing well.
Tavon is the first nominee. The second nominee is Don, surprisingly. Ramsey says that is a crap consensus. Tavon and Royce! You are up for elimination. See, that’s why I enjoy it. Even if the contestants try to plot and get rid of people who didn’t really screw up that much, Ramsey usually cuts through the bullshit and nominates whoever he feels like. Tavon says he was like a prep cook, and Ramsey says he’s a dishwasher. He knows he wasn‘t that good. Royce says he really tried and was sabotaged. He throws Guy under the bus. Guy says he forgot the anchovies, but that’s not really sabotaged. Ramsey is disappointed in everyone. Royce! Back in line! Tavon! Get out! Tavon is kind of embarrassed to be the first out, but he’s looking forward to seeing Royce get kicked out next week. Don laughs because he didn’t have to go up for elimination. Guy vows revenge. Robyn calls the men “bitches” and declares victory.
Next time: Which is tomorrow! People get yelled at, and somehow Royce gets hit in the face and bleeds. The girls scream at each other. Business as usual.
The opener claims 10,000 customers have been served, which means like, 25,000 have shown up. Right? There is a brief shot of Jean Phillipe. Aww, I miss JP and his “French” that slipped into Cockney several times. Why are we having a montage? Is this All-Stars? We pretend Gordon is putting his reputation on the line, which we all know isn’t true. If he was, they’d be working at Claridge’s or somewhere in England. Not in Vegas. This montage of yelling is not shocking, producers. Although, they seem to let someone kick another contestant. I’m going to get epilepsy from this thing, you guys. And not one minute is “shocking”. Most intense season ever! Pff.
OK, now we’re starting. The SUVs get a police escort, probably to warn everyone away. Lots of hooting and people who are dressed well because I guess they don’t watch reality TV ever and haven’t figured out they’re going to be cooking right away. When the contestants come in, they’re greeted by Scott, who is my favorite and also a badass. He welcomes them all, and Briana says she already has a crush on Scott, so good for her. Scott then pretends he wanted to work for Ramsey so badly he offered to shave his head. He produces a picture with hair, which could be of Scott, but no telling how old it is or what. He looks better bald. Now we pretend they’re going to make everyone shave their heads. Seriously? Is there anyone who thinks this is really happening? Anyone? The new female sous chef drags a barber’s chair in and I didn’t catch her name and I don’t care. Andi? Oh, she already shaved her head, ha ha. Clemenza claims to not have seen that coming, so…I guess he’s not so bright. Several people volunteer to shave their heads too, and Scott really does it! What?! He was so cute! Wow. OK, I figured this was fake, but I didn’t think they would actually shave any heads. A woman actually goes through with it, which is super crazy. Scott picks on the blonde girl who of course has been talking about how she won’t shave her head. Some producer cues Ramsey so he can appear and curse at Scott. So what about the first two people? I am floored at the balls of this show.
Cook your signature dish. Woo. The opening credits are a Vegas magic show or whatever. It’s lame like it always is. Ramsey looks like he’s about to start laughing. It’ll be men vs. women again. They have 45 minutes to cook. Several girls have brought hair elastics to pull their hair back with, so I guess they are genre savvy sort of. Blonde girl lights something on fire and messes up her shoes stomping it out.
Ramsey points out the two people who got their heads shaved are not around…because they’re Scott’s friends. Ha! OK, you got me. That was a good one. And Andi of course is not really bald. Ramsey is looking for “his” head chef, for Gordon Ramsey’s Steaks in Vegas, as if all those other years were different. I guess “executive chef of a restaurant I own” is somehow different from “my head chef of a restaurant with my name on it”. You also get $250,000, which is a nice chunk of change.
Robyn serves seared striped bass over fennel. It looks pretty good and tastes good. Don serves “Southwestern saltimbocca”, which is too big a portion and makes Ramsey cough. He makes the girl eat it, and lets her spit it out when it sucks. So obviously the girls win that one. Tiffany: lamb schnitzel. I guess it has breading but then too much sauce so it’s soggy. Guy: pan seared striped bass with chocolate miso sauce. But before he describes it, he says it isn’t right and then tells Ramsey not to eat it because he wouldn’t serve it. Ramsey tastes a little sauce and then says they both suck. No points. Meanwhile, Clemenza has been coughing up a lung in the background. He doesn’t look very good. He claims to be fine, but he looks kind of pale. Roshni, who is tiny, serves coriander-crusted rack of lamb. Delicious. Royce (seriously?) made pan-seared grouper. He cooks for the runner-up of the first season. Interesting. Also delicious so points for all. Danielle (blonde girl) makes some kind of pasta, and Justin (cute) makes…crab cakes, maybe, and Justin gets a point while Danielle fails. I don’t know, they don’t really talk about it. So now it’s tied (of course). Kimmie makes “fisherman’s trio” which looks like it’s all fried maybe? At least it’s all the same color. Brian makes dessert and also fails. Barbie (soggy potatoes) and Chris (bitter and burnt). Briana (good duck) and Patrick (also good). So still a tie. Dana: pan seared scallops. And she did it right, so SOMEONE learned to do that before they came. About time. Tavon: shrimp, scallops, and crab, with pasta and sauce. It looks messy, and there’s too much balsamic vinegar. Girls are up by one. Chris becomes our designated asshole by claiming it’s a “proven” fact that men are better chefs than women. Sorry, “females”. There’s one every year. Christina: molasses braised pork chop, which is great. Clemenza finally goes up, and serves a stuffed veal chop. Aren’t the girls up by one? So…if Christina’s food was good, then they’ve already won. Clemenza! Too much truffle oil! So the women win, as anyone with simple math figured out a minute ago. Men have to clean both kitchens. Tavon is wearing white skinny jeans and does not want to wash dishes. Women get a steak BBQ with two previous winners.
Rock and Dave are nice, and kiss up to the women because they’re not stupid. The men bitch about cleaning. Clemenza is deficient in math because he thinks he should have gotten his point, even though the women still would have won. Afterwards they study, while the women sort of study and then get really off topic. Robyn is irritated they’re not focused. I believe scallops are compared to a penis.
Every chef gets new knives, which is a pretty sweet gift. The men seem to be fine, while the women are more nervous. This is the 125th dinner service. Wow. Briana! Name the entrees! Fail. She can’t even name one. Just kidding, after commercial she names them all. The announcer claims the restaurant is “booked solid”, as if these people are real customers and not the crew’s friends or whatever.
Roshni brings up scallops that look OK, but for some reason she’s brought up three when one portion is five. Oops. Then the ones she brings are raw. Why isn’t Dana making scallops? The men can’t find anchovies for the salad. Well really Royce can’t find them. Guy says he should get them himself, but Royce blames Guy because I guess Guy prepped that station. Roshni finally brings up more scallops, which are still raw, so Ramsey kicks her out. Barbie does a better job so they’re moving things. Royce finds anchovies but then someone brings up raw pigeon. That would be Tavon, who has claimed to be an executive chef.
One hour in and the men haven’t served anything yet. I guess a couple of guys skipped ahead to the next table. Justin also claims sabotage, because the scallops were sliced poorly or something, and that’s Tavon’s fault too. They are pretty bad. Brian says “Tavon treated those scallops like a homeless wreck”, which makes no sense at all. Tavon is not properly sorry and is kicked out.
The women have picked up, so now everyone has to get entrees together. Christina’s Wellington is so raw the dough isn’t even done. She claims with baking you can’t tell until the end if it’s done. They replace the pastry on a bunch of Wellingtons, which helps somehow, but now they’ll be 15 minutes. Whoops. Royce talks about himself in the third person and makes appetizers, sort of, except for the part where the pasta is raw. He gets kicked out too. So that’s about 90 minutes and three chefs kicked out. He claims to be the best.
The men try to bring up onion tarts that are raw too. Really? I can tell if my baking is done. Ramsey kicks all of them out. Sad. What was that about men being better chefs? The women have stalled out on entrees and haven’t served any yet. Ramsey shuts down everything. So, one team only served appetizers while one team didn’t serve a single table. That hasn’t happened in a while.
The men were the losing team tonight, obviously. Go nominate two people. Obviously, Tavon and Royce get put up right away. Royce claims he was sabotaged by Guy’s not prepping anchovies. Clemenza briefly campaigns for Don, as he didn’t do much during dinner service. He says he was on entrees, so he didn’t have anything to do and couldn’t prove himself. Tavon tries to throw others under the bus, but he doesn’t seem to be doing well.
Tavon is the first nominee. The second nominee is Don, surprisingly. Ramsey says that is a crap consensus. Tavon and Royce! You are up for elimination. See, that’s why I enjoy it. Even if the contestants try to plot and get rid of people who didn’t really screw up that much, Ramsey usually cuts through the bullshit and nominates whoever he feels like. Tavon says he was like a prep cook, and Ramsey says he’s a dishwasher. He knows he wasn‘t that good. Royce says he really tried and was sabotaged. He throws Guy under the bus. Guy says he forgot the anchovies, but that’s not really sabotaged. Ramsey is disappointed in everyone. Royce! Back in line! Tavon! Get out! Tavon is kind of embarrassed to be the first out, but he’s looking forward to seeing Royce get kicked out next week. Don laughs because he didn’t have to go up for elimination. Guy vows revenge. Robyn calls the men “bitches” and declares victory.
Next time: Which is tomorrow! People get yelled at, and somehow Royce gets hit in the face and bleeds. The girls scream at each other. Business as usual.
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