Project Runway All Stars 10/31/13--"Bitten by the Fashion Bug" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the All-Stars made punk clothing, and sewed in Mood for no reason. Elena won, because she never won a challenge in her original season. You know that’s why. Ari went home for making clothes that were too perfect, which was fine with her. (click for more)

Everyone goes to the American Museum of Natural History. Alyssa is dressed in a strapless baby doll dress and boots like it’s 1997. They will be inspired by insects and arachnids. Also they will have to use “their unique features” in an avant-garde challenge. Everyone claps and gasps like she said they would win extra money. So you know there will be some crazy shit happening. Oh, and the insects are alive. Ha! Alyssa says some of them are deadly so don’t open the jars. Duh, Alyssa. I’m pretty sure no one was going to do that. Elena gets to pick first, and she picks out a grasshopper. Everyone else has to run and hope to get to whatever they want first. Irina gets stuck with a millipede as the slowest person. People sketch and I’m sure there will be a lot of angular designs and armor.

$250 at Mood. That doesn’t seem like a lot of “avant-garde”. I guess you only get piles of money for couture. Elena put her shopping list on her sketch and then promptly lost it. Irina thinks that Elena is just always stressed so whatever.

10 hours to work. I think the workspace is at Parsons? Not Parsons? Like it matters anyway. The museum lent them the bugs for the day. Viktor plugs the accessory wall. Korto tells us she’s gone back to Liberia and did a show for the president, she’s made clothes for famous people, she’s done really well. Melissa claims to still be running on adrenaline from when she was on before. Sure. Elena continues to talk about how much she’s freaking out. She’s involving everyone much like Helen did last season. That’ll get old quickly. Jeffrey talks about how long it’s been since he made anything himself, but he sounds like his old jerky self.

Zanna comes in to bother everyone. Mychael has been making a really literal dress with tiers across the shoulders and bust. Zanna tells him it’s terrible and he’ll be going home. Elena has spent the past three hours sketching and not doing anything, but she’s also going literal. Jeffrey has foam. Or something. Irina’s millipede has stripes so her dress has stripes. That seems to be happening a lot. Zanna does like what Chris has though. Daniel appears to get approval. Melissa has a white and black design, and Zanna looks confused before she is not impressed. Zanna addresses everyone to tell them this isn’t avant-garde and they all need to step it up.

Everyone freaks out to varying degrees based on how much Zanna hated what they were doing. Chris talks about how crazy it is to scrap something you’ve spent hours on, but he got praise for what he was doing so of course he thinks it’s crazy. Model fittings. Elena has nothing so she puts her model to work. Then she shrieks about something and irritates the whole room. In confessional she claims to be an avant-garde designer so her reputation is on the line.

Runway day. No one seems to be super frantic except Elena. Jeffrey is covering his model’s head with a bag. No really. Melissa wanted to make a bunch of stuff but she only has two pieces of it. I’m not sure what she’s talking about but it sounds bad. Hot makeup guy Scott. Now there is half an hour left and here is the usual flailing. Elena is like, sobbing as she is working. Viktor helps her because he feels bad, but I’m already over it. Now Melissa is crying too. So I’m sure they’re both fine.

I notice the designers on All-Stars get cushy chairs and not stools to sit on during the runway show. Guest judges are Anya and jeweler Jennifer Meyer. Seth Aaron: short red dress, sleeveless, in overlapping petals of shiny red. I think it might be patent leather or vinyl. The top is red with black trim, and the skirt is a slight mullet skirt. Actually the petals are only over her left side which is cool. It’s supposed to look like a cockroach. Mychael: gray dress with a cape. I think it’s a cape, or it’s a cocoon. It’s pretty tight across her torso. There are peeks of bright green along the front in a V and the back too, like he cut strips and then twisted them. I think it looks cool. Daniel: brown dress, sleeveless, with a train. There is a high narrow collar of some sheer shiny fabric which is repeated in the skirt. The opaque fabric (which is quilted) goes to her knee and then it’s sheer for another six inches or so. The train is narrow so it looks like a tail. Maybe the fabric isn’t quilted but it has that look to it. Korto: black pants and a black jacket with a wide belt. The pants have yellow inseams and what looks like hair sticking out. The jacket has a peplum and some shiny black trim. Probably the same thing the hair is made out of. She had a centipede.

Jeffrey: so first of all, her head is wrapped in gold fabric. Then across her torso there is a horizontal band of beige with reddish-brown feathers along the top. She looks like she is wearing a lampshade, but a shitty one because clearly it overlaps in the back like a shawl. The pants are high waisted and in the same beige, except for one entire leg which is red. Somehow this is a scorpion. Melissa: black dress with some sculptural details at her hips and a weird back. I can’t see anything interesting in it right now. Viktor: long white gown, with a deep V and a cape or shawl or something. I think it’s attached to her arms. Along the neckline he’s painted green and yellow like the colors of the butterfly. The back of the cape has some origami folds. Irina: black gown with a really wide skirt, it’s very stiff and a cool shape. There is fringe everywhere like hair. Also there’s a weird ring of fringe around her head. Millipede. Chris: silver and black bodysuit, with vertical lines right down the middle of her torso. The bodysuit is wider over her hips, and then he painted black on her ankles? Sure. It’s futuristic and very interesting. And there are spikes on her fingers. Elena: long-sleeved dress, tight, in a yellow-green outlined in black. So there are panels like scales all over the dress. The waist is orange and there is an orange panel down the front like a long vertical line. It turned out much better than I thought.

Irina, Elena, and Melissa are called out to “be critiqued this week.” What does that mean? Seth Aaron and Korto are safe. Seth Aaron pretty much knocks people over in his haste to run away. Mychael, Jeffrey, and Daniel are also getting critiqued, while Viktor and Chris are safe. Why can’t you just read off the four safe people and be done with it? Irina wanted a big skirt to mimic how “hermit-like” her millipede is. It is avant-garde, or at least Georgina thinks so, but maybe the feather hoop over her face is too much. They think it looks good. Daniel wanted a little sparkle. The high neck is terrible, because basically it’s up over the model’s chin. The sparkle is nice but it doesn’t go with anything else. Anya says the fabric looks cheap. Jeffrey says the single red leg is about violence. Isaac starts out saying the hood is stupid, but then he veers off to complain about how she can’t drink a martini but who is wearing this shit at a party? Under the lampshade is a one-shouldered long sleeved top. They have a pissy argument about if avant-garde clothes should be clothes you can wear to a party or something, or if you should ignore practicality. No one on this show does that much actual “avant-garde” anyway. Isaac just says it’s hard to critique. The lampshade is clumsy, but Alyssa does admit at least she’s never seen it before. Guest judge Jennifer manages to confuse me by saying it was phallic and about to attack her. Sure.

Elena’s dress has some vertical fins on her shoulders. They love it, of course, because you knew they would when she was freaking out all episode. It’s avant-garde. OK, moving on. Mychael was thinking about a cocoon, which is what is going on with the top piece. The fabric looks like wool, and they love how expensive it looks. The bits of green that look like twists of fabric are gorgeous up close. Melissa pretty much begs the judges to take a closer look at her outfit. It’s a nice enough dress, but it’s not very avant-garde. The straps are “spidery” like legs, which is true, but they wish she had finished with all the other legs too.

Jeffrey announces that if he goes home, he loves his lampshade so screw them anyway. Mychael made some couture that looked very modern. Elena’s dress looked like an insect and she also used her materials strategically and whatever. It’s not better than Mychael’s. Irina made her skirt in such a way that it reminded you of how a millipede looks. She was experimenting and it worked. Melissa had a good idea and a good start, but it’s not enough. The dress is fine though. Daniel was too literal and had ugly fabrics. Jeffrey intimidated Isaac into liking his garment, just through how he presented it. But in the end it’s not that great.

Irina is in. The winner is Mychael! Yay! Elena is in. Jeffrey is safe. Of course, he had an idea and went for it. Being boring is worse than being crazy. Daniel is out. See, I told you Melissa would be safe. Back in the Scrap Bin everyone yells about Daniel going home. I always wonder about that. Melissa is RIGHT THERE and your yelling in shock makes it sound like you thought she would be the one going home. But they do it every time? Do none of them think about that? Daniel says everyone understands him and that is beautiful.

Next week: I don’t know, because there is a very, VERY, stupid ad about some other bullshit show on this network. So if you want to know what happens next week, then fuck you, I guess.

Top Chef 10/30/13--"Lea Michele's Halloween Bash" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: no Quickfire, just an Elimination challenge that involved teams and also Vietnamese food. Also a bus around town so people could eat Vietnamese for the first time (Carlos) or brag about how much they knew about Vietnam (Travis). Travis is pretty much an arrogant jerk for the whole episode, up to and including saying guest judge Eddie Huang doesn’t know anything about Vietnamese food because he’s from Taiwan. Did we mention Travis is white? Yes. Justin noticed all Travis’s team’s problems but did absolutely nothing, preferring to let them hang themselves which is a strategy I approve of. Anyhow, Shirley won because she made shrimp with a ton of butter, which is what the fishermen told her to do. It looked like Travis might go home but instead Janine’s poorly cooked shrimp did her in. (click for more)

Then on Last Chance Kitchen, all five eliminated contestants returned to make whatever they want in 30 minutes. Janine won so she gets to continue. Jason lost and sulked some more but everyone else took it pretty well. That’s pretty much it.

Sara claims she and Travis have spent their lives studying “Asian” cuisine. That’s a pretty wide subject, you know. She seems embarrassed that she screwed up so badly and someone else went home. Travis does not express any guilt.

In the morning, Michael sharpens his knives while Travis gets this week’s phone call home. He claims he is “melancholy”. Who says things like that? He claims to not be out to his dad yet, but his mom pointed out that he should probably do that before the show airs and his dad can see him talking how he only dates Asian men. He’s very introspective, and I don’t think a reality show is the place to deal with coming out to your parents. Hopefully that all turned out OK.

All the stuff in the kitchen is wrapped in tin foil. Oh yes, I remember this Quickfire. Gail is back too. Some poor interns not only wrapped all the food but all the pots and utensils and everything. Padma says something about moms and then Padma’s mom and Gail’s mom come out! Aww! There will two teams (blah) and they’ll have 30 minutes to make three dishes. Moms will have 5 minutes to shop for ingredients and grab equipment. They must use everything. Winners will split $10,000.

The moms just walk around and take whatever. I can’t tell if they’re even trying to figure out what they’re grabbing. Various chefs talk about their moms. Shirley says if her mom was doing this it would be a disaster. Hee.

This is such a waste of foil. The teams sort ingredients and split up the dishes. They’re lucky they get three dishes. No one seems to be making super crazy stuff yet. Michael gushes about cooking en papillote. Carrie decides to make sabayon but there is no whisk in the pile of crap there. Stephanie got lamb but somehow also got stuck with cheese. Nina has beans and cherries. Sara is trying to cook the lamb up to the absolute last second, which freaks out her team. They’re telling her to put the lamb down and she’s saying it’s fine. It does get plated though.

Team Simmons: lamb and fonduta with sharp cheddar and roasted mushrooms. Fonduta is Italian fondue, I guess. Red snapper papillote with rice pilaf. With sake. Compressed buratta with pickled apples and balsamic sabayon. Interesting.

Team Lakshmi: clams poached in fish sauce with coconut cream. Snapper and branzino papillote with mustard vinaigrette. Soup with beans, carrots, chiles and okra with cherry chutney. I think they put cheese in the soup.

Justin brags that they totally won. Team Lakshmi (NOT Justin’s team) gets praise for the clams, but the fish dish had too many things happening. Same with the soup. Justin’s team, Team Simmons, had very flavorful fish, and well-cooked lamb. But the rest of the stuff in the lamb dish didn’t come together. The sabayon turned out despite the lack of whisk. Gail says the winner is Team Lakshmi, which you could have guessed from Justin’s overconfident bragging.

Today is one of those days where Bravo has counted out when this episode will air, and so we are pretending it’s actually fall instead of the middle of the summertime. At least they can plan and schedule properly (*coughPROJECTRUNWAY). So we have a Halloween theme today. Lea Michele (who is apparently a Top Chef super fan) comes out. Stephanie tries to say she and Lea can hang out and it won’t be creepy at all but she can’t stop laughing. They will be cooking for her costume party. Teams of two, each team will make two dishes. Then why can’t they just work alone? Whatever. They get paired up with whoever is next to them. Michael ends up paired with Nina, which is good for him because she’s been winning and he…has not been winning. But Nina doesn’t like him. So I guess this is the official drama team. Lea is vegan (…sigh) but when she needs a break she eats cheese. Not really a sweets person. Check. No beets, yes on Italian, any kind of cheese. She says cheese a gang of times. Spice, I think, and yes on Mexican. Someone asks if she likes Mexican men, which 1. Ew, and 2. When did they film this? Because I think Cory was still alive so why are you saying that? Also 3. Why in the hell did the editors leave that in!?

Shopping. Everyone runs for cheese. Louis has only been to Halloween parties because “random girls” asked him. Michael is making arancini eyeballs. Nina rolls her eyes at how lame he is, but Lea asked for cheese and Italian. I would think that’s a pretty good idea.

2 hours to cook in the kitchen before going to the party. Carlos is thinking Dia de los Muertos which is probably good too. They’re also supposed to be making “spooky” dishes, I guess. Nicholas is having trouble with that so he and Patty are making fall-themed dishes. Patty is also making arancini. Shirley says in China they have a “ghost holiday” but it’s in July.

Tom Time! Justin has decided to make pasta with beets so it will be red, even though Lea specifically said she didn’t like beets. Uh huh. They are ALSO making arancini. When Tom gets around to Michael he lets him know three teams are making arancini, and when Michael says then they’ll be judged on whose arancini are the best Tom is like, duh, that’s what I’m saying. As Nina describes her pesto, Michael says to Tom “Nina’s my ace in the hole”. She looks pissed. Jerk.

Nina and Nicholas are both making gnocchi. So there are two teams, Nina/Michael and Nicholas/Patty, who are both making gnocchi and arancini. That’s so weird. Generally there isn’t so much overlap. Nicholas then changes his dish to make a cannoli. Probably a good idea. Patty says she trusts him. Bene and Brian are making two salads. They waste time coming up with a dumb slogan about spa cuisine and talking about how you can indulge with healthy food. It’s a party. It’s already vegetarian, just calm down. Nina and Michael argue about dumb things. She tells him not to fuck it up, because his arancini has to be the best. He says she should do what she does best, which is “fly, sweetheart”. That might not go over well.

At home, suddenly “the neighbors” were talking about the abandoned nursing home behind the house that is haunted. How convenient! Of course they all go over there because they’re dumb and walk around shining flashlights on their own faces instead of on the ground. Unfortunately the ground doesn’t open up and swallow them.

Party time. Louis is calm and Shirley loves working with someone so calm. Then she giggles about his dimples which is cute. Nina and Michael are avoiding each other as much as possible. He calls her “boo boo”, which is now the second stupid nickname (that we’ve heard) that he’s calling a female colleague. I’m sure he’ll say it’s just how he is, but that shit is annoying. In addition to opening yourself to a sexual harassment lawsuit. Travis reveals his last Halloween costume was “Slutty Santa”, thus perpetuating the stereotype of how gay men dress for Halloween.

When the judges come in, Tom is wearing a tweed-y coat, and a bow tie, and a straw boater. I can’t figure out what he is supposed to be. Is he trying to be James Oseland? Padma just has on a pink dress and a giant feather headdress. Lea is in black, don’t know what she is either. Hugh is the only one who actually is wearing a definite costume, which is a red coat with a blue sash just like Prince William at his wedding. Oh, Lea has cat ears. Eh.

Carrie and Stephanie: “Doomed Shrooms”, mushrooms with black garlic and radicchio. And “Freaky Leeky”, ash coated vegetables with fontina fonduta. They like both dishes. Sara jokes with some guests that Justin killed someone to get blood for the pasta. Hee. Patty and Nick: butternut squash cannoli with ricotta salata, and lemon arancini with smoked mozzarella. Not scary.

Stupid Andy Cohen is here, wearing flip flops with his suit because in order to perpetuate this charade everyone is pretending it’s October when it’s not. Apparently Andy decided foot comfort was worth more than wearing real shoes to pretend it’s the fall. Brian and Bene did a “spooky spa”. Crispy quinoa salad with mushroom espuma, and heirloom tomato salad with wilted kale. OK, foam does not give a “cobweb effect” but you keep on thinking that. The quinoa is heavy and the tomatoes are not really marinated enough.

Oh, Padma says she is “a voodoo priestess”. While that is kind of offensive, I’m pretty sure I just spied someone in blackface. Nina and Michael: “Candy Corn”, ricotta gnocchetti with kale pesto, and “Bloody Eye”, yellow arancini with saffron and tomato jam. The gnocchi is perfect, but the tomato jam is sweet. Travis and Carlos: vegetable ceviche (pineapples, kale and peaches), and goat cheese fondue with fried zucchini. Travis says they are celebrating “Day los Muertes” so maybe he is just an idiot about all cultures that are not his own. They were both spicy but since he was serving Padma no one cares.

Louis and Shirley: “Severed Thumb”, braised quinoa and onions with potato puree, and “Worm Salad”, hand cut noodles and fresh daikon radish. The “thumb” is a little greasy but it’s appropriately spooky. Justin and Sara: “Blood Pasta”, beet pasta with green tomatoes, and “Evil Eye”, arancini with Moroccan tomato chutney. Lea interrupts him to say she said yesterday she doesn’t like beets. Tom and Lea laugh about how everyone thought “arancini = eyeball”. Lea arrives to find Carlos has made a bowl of cheese. Essentially. She is thrilled. Padma says she won’t be eating arancini for a while.

Commercial interlude: features that fucker Andy Cohen so forget it. Wait, apparently Tom is dressed as Jay Gatsby. I think that’s what she said. I prefer my previous answer of James Oseland.

In the Stew Room Nina tells Michael she felt like he slacked off because he expected her to carry him. Michael says no, he thought she needed him in the beginning. What? Idiot. The video shows that Patty’s arancini was the best, and they also liked Nick’s dish. They liked Justin’s theme even though he used beets. Carlos had lots of cheese and good spice. Nina’s dish was good, but Michael sucked. Lea pretends that she should have fixed Michael’s dish, which I am sure he would never have listened to her. Nina prepares to go home, but I don’t remember them saying it was a double elimination. Did they? Brian and Bene made one heavy dish and one cop-out dish.

Padma collects Nick, Patty, Carlos, and Travis as the winners. Carlos’s cheese sauce was the perfect consistency. Lea says she would eat Travis’s ceviche every day. Hugh says they worked well together, and instead of just thanking him Travis opens his big mouth and says how he grew up in Colorado in a neighborhood that was 60% Latino and you just learn those flavors. He always sounds so jerky. Patty listened to Lea so she’s thrilled about that. Nick had a technical dish. The winners are Carlos and Travis. Did I really miss the part where one team wins and one team loses? I’m sorry, I really need to pay attention better apparently.

Michael, Nina, Brian, and Bene get called out. In the Stew Room, Shirley asks if they named two winners and what that might mean for elimination. They all talk about the possibility of double elimination so maybe I’m not insane and they didn’t say anything about it before. Brian was confident in their spa cuisine, but Lea says she wanted the opposite of spa cuisine. Bene didn’t stand out. Lea wanted some vegetarian cuisine that was creative. Michael’s arancini was dry and the sauce was too sweet. Nina says she tasted his food as they went, but that she didn’t taste the final product. Padma yells at her about it, but this is dumb. When the number of dishes served is the same as the number of people, we all know each person is making one dish to be judged on. I think Michael just sucked so bad they need to say something negative to Nina since they have to call in the whole team. Like he would have listened to her anyway.

They sort of slam Nina for concentrating on her own dish but not trying to fix Michael’s dish, which was only vaguely creepy in terms of the theme. But at least he had cheese, unlike Bene and Brian who made lame salads.

Michael gets sent home. Good. Tom says you can’t think you can put crap together and win. On his way out Michael waves at the judges and there’s a shot of Tom sort of waving while simultaneously trying to avoid eye contact. It’s pretty hilarious. Michael is disappointed but claims he represented New Orleans well. Sure.

Next week: cooking in John Besh’s restaurant, a whole shelf of cream cheese, Travis bitching about time checks.

Last Chance Kitchen: by the time Michael gets here he has regained all his cockiness. He is impressed he’s facing Janine, but can’t resist saying she’s a “pretty” monster. Also the peanut gallery is back, which I enjoy. Tom says his arancini were terrible, and that risotto kills many people on this show. So of course this is their job today. 40 minutes to make risotto. Michael seems to be sauntering. Is he really calm? Or an idiot? Janine cooks some dried mushrooms which earns her the admiration of the peanut gallery. Michael can’t find butter, but Janine only has one stick so she has no idea what he’s talking about. Whipped cream is not the same. Everyone just seems to be giving Michael crap because they can. I would too. Michael has half his time done but he doesn’t seem to have started cooking the rice yet. The gallery says watching him cook is funny. Tom tells him how to make butter which is too bad. Michael tries to get some last minute advice out of Tom, who quickly bails. Michael: pine nut and thyme risotto with parmesan crisp. He babbles a lot. Janine: mushroom risotto with mascarpone and rosemary. Janine had good flavor but maybe a little too much acid. Michael had mushy rice. Janine wins, yay! Bye Michael. Tom has to remind him to take his knives. He still insists it was good food.

TAR23, Recap Leg 5, 10/27/13

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Get Your Express Pass Here!, teams raced from Lisbon to the top of the world.  There were tasks with fish, and Nicky and Kim managed to wedge themselves into last place.  However, since there was no time before the next leg, they were not eliminated and instead kept racing.  Tim and Marie leveraged the Express Pass for information from Nicole and Travis, and ended up finding the Pit Stop.  (Toyouke: “Shut up, Marie. I'm sure I'm going to be saying that a lot.”)  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Brandon/Adam, Naked Boys Unicycling
2nd – Jason/Amy, Einstein YDC
3rd – Nicole/Travis, Team Emergency
4th – Leo/Jamal, The Afghanimals

5th – Tim/Marie, Team Pinky and No Brain
6th – Tim/Danny, Oklahoma Hicks

7th – Ally/Ashley, NHL Ice Girls

8th – Nicky/Kim, MLB Wives

Viking Longhouse, Vestvågøy, Norway

Brandon/Adam (1st)
Clue: Ferry back to Svolvær and then fly to Gdansk, Poland!  Once there, teams make their way to Gdansk Shipyard and find Solidarity Square to get their next clue.

CAUTION: U-TURN AHEAD!

We are told by the beards that it is about 4 am, and that all the teams will probably catch up in time to take the ferry.

Jason/Amy (2nd)

Nicole/Travis (3rd)

Leo/Jamal (4th)

Tim/Marie (5th)

Tim/Danny (6th)

Ally/Ashley (7th)

Nicky/Kim (8th)

Teams make their way to the ferry terminal.  When they arrive, they find that the ferry to Trondheim until 8:30 pm.  So, BUNCHING.  On the boat, Tim and Marie secretly meet Nicole and Travis to make the Express Pass exchange. Secretly because that way, no one will know Marie doesn't have that Express Pass anymore. (Toyouke: “Ha! Marie, no one believes you're giving them the Express Pass. And then when they discover you don't have it anymore, it's U-Turn time.”)  But once teams ferry to Trondheim and catch their flight to Gdansk, they are all still together.

Teams arrive in Gdansk in the following order:

1- Ally/Ashley
2- Leo/Jamal
3- Tim/Danny  

4- Jason/Amy 

5- Nicole/Travis

6- Nicky/Kim

7- Brandon/Adam  

8- Tim/Marie

Teams now make their way to Solidarity Square.  A few teams get lost and go to the wrong location entirely, so teams arrive in the following order:

1- Tim/Danny
2- Jason/Amy
3- Nicole/Travis   

4- Nicky/Kim 

5- Brandon/Adam

6- Leo/Jamal

7- Ally/Ashley 

8- Tim/Marie

Teams are now instructed to travel to the Golden Gate, the entrance to Old Town Gdansk, to find their next clue.  They arrive in following order:

1- Tim/Danny
2- Nicole/Travis
3- Jason/Amy   

4- Nicky/Kim 

5- Brandon/Adam

6- Ally/Ashley

7- Leo/Jamal 

8- Tim/Marie

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Pose OR Polka

*Pose: Teams must find the statue of Neptune and change into black body suits to pose as living versions of the statue.  They must then collect 75 zloty (US$ 25) in order to get their clue from the sculptor.
*Polka: Teams travel to Old Town Hall and get dressed in traditional costumes, one male, one female.  They must the learn and perform a polka with the entertainers.  Once performed to the satisfaction of their instructor, teams get the next clue.

(Toyouke: “"Be a human statue like a panhandler or dance and possibly crossdress based on your team". Hm”)

1- Tim/Danny choose Polka – and Danny whines about being the girl.  (Toyouke: “Probably I shouldn't laugh at the "crossdressing is funny because of teh gey" but I always enjoy teammates giving each other shit.  If you know you can't dance why did you pick the dance Detour?”)

2- Nicky/Kim choose Pose
3- Nicole/Travis choose Polka

4- Jason/Amy choose Polka

5- Brandon/Adam choose Pose– Brandon: “I’d wear a seashell on my crotch, not a black onesie.”  But ultimately, the boys decide earning money will take too long and they Bald Snark to Polka.  (Toyouke: “This is a very bad Detour to Bald Snark on. The two things are far away and both of them involve changing clothes.”)

6- Leo/Jamal choose Polka

7- Tim/Marie choose Pose – and then decide that this would be an excellent time to use the Express Pass, especially with a U-Turn in play.

8- Ally/Ashley choose Polka

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Nicky/Kim
2- Jason/Amy
3- Nicole/Travis 

4- Tim/Danny 

5- Tim/Marie

6- Ally/Ashley

7- Leo/Jamal 

8- Brandon/Adam

Teams are now instructed to travel to the Motlawa Riverfront and find the medieval harbor crane.  Teams are also instructed to keep their costumes on for the rest of the leg.  They find the crane in the following order:

1- Jason/Amy
2- Tim/Marie
3- Nicky/Kim 

4- Tim/Danny 

5- Nicole/Travis

6- Leo/Jamal

7- Ally/Ashley 

8- Brandon/Adam

When they arrive, teams find the U-Turn.

CAUTION: DOUBLE U-TURN AHEAD

This is a Double U-Turn. Teams may choose to U-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is U-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. This U-Turn is doubled, meaning two teams may U-Turn two other teams.  Phil, during his explanation, does not say how many U-Turns there will be on this race.

1-Jason/Amy choose not to U-Turn

2- Tim/Marie choose not to U-Turn

3- Nicky/Kim choose not to U-Turn

4- Tim/Danny choose to U-Turn Leo/Jamal

5- Nicole/Travis choose not to U-Turn

6- Leo/Jamal have been U-Turned and choose to U-Turn Brandon/Adam

7- Ally/Ashley cannot U-Turn

8- Brandon/Adam have been U-Turned

So now Leo/Jamal and Brandon/Adam return to do the other Detour choice. The Beards return to the Detour choice that they had already Bald Snarked.  Teams get the U-Turn clue in the following order:

1- Jason/Amy  
2- Tim/Marie
3- Nicky/Kim 

4- Tim/Danny 

5- Nicole/Travis

6- Ally/Ashley

7- Leo/Jamal 

8- Brandon/Adam

Once they U-Turn (or are U-Turned) teams now find that they must go to the Falowiec Building, the longest apartment building in Poland.  Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Tim/Marie  
2- Jason/Amy
3- Nicky/Kim 

4- Nicole/Travis 

5- Tim/Danny

6- Ally/Ashley

7- Leo/Jamal 

8- Brandon/Adam

And once they arrive, teams get the fifth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s got a sweet tooth?

In this roadblock, roadblockers must enter the apartment complex and find a rose-filled Paczki, which is a Polish donut, in one of twelve provided apartments.  Once teams find the donut, they get the clue.  However, the residents have the right to punish team members for bad manners.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Marie
2- Amy
3- Kim

4- Travis

5- Danny

6- Ashley

7- Leo

8- Adam – (Toyouke: “Why is that weirdo eating donuts in the most inefficient way possible? If you need to get to the filling why wouldn't you bite from the side and not the top?”)

After much donut eating, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Nicole/Travis
2- Tim/Marie
3- Jason/Amy 

4- Tim/Danny    

5- Nicky/Kim

6- Ally/Ashley

7- Leo/Jamal 

8- Brandon/Adam

Teams find now that they must travel to Sopot Pier, the longest wooden pier in Europe and the PIT STOP of the fifth leg of this racearoundtheworld.  (Toyouke: “Gdansk has a lot of long things.”)  The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Tim/Marie – Phil: "Tim and Marie, I have some great news for you. As the winners of this leg, you have won...couples counseling!"  And actually win a trip for two to Hawaii.

2- Jason/Amy
3- Nicole/Travis

4- Nicky/Kim

5- Tim/Danny

6- Leo/Jamal

7- Ally/Ashley 

8- Brandon/Adam

Brandon and Adam go from first to worst.  They had fun and can’t wait for the next adventure.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Tim/Marie  
2nd – Jason/Amy
3rd – Nicole/Travis
4th – Nicky/Kim
5th – Tim/Danny
6th – Leo/Jamal

7th – Ally/Ashley

Next week: Roadblockers get to sing with the Vienna Boys Choir!  And Marie is up to no good.  Until next time!