Project Runway All Stars 12/27/12--"There's No Business Like Sew Business" summary

Previously on "Project Runway": the designers were paired off and forced to make "20's inspired" outfits in head-to-head battles. Nothing was particularly 20's, but in general on this show nothing matches up with whatever inspiration it's supposed to have. Anthony Ryan won, again, which is boring. Laura finally got sent home, even though Josh had a worse dress, but I don't like Laura so whatever.
Everyone goes to Fifth Avenue. Josh has not forgotten to wear his tight neon pink shorts and black combat boots. It is not flattering, Josh. They end up at Elie Tahari. Carolyn's dress looks like it has straps made of seat belts. Ready-to-wear challenge, which should be good for Emilio, right? His finale collection was too commercial? Elie Tahari comes out and Carolyn gives a "Woo hoo!" which is kind of creepy. This seems to be the same challenge as last season, where they have to hit a price point. Sale price will be $500 to $700. Is that really "ready-to-wear"? The average consumer can't afford that. Carolyn claims last season, Mondo's hideous pillowcase of a dress made "hundreds of thousands" of dollars. They can pick out whatever fabrics they want from the showrooms and warehouse or whatever. Everyone also gets a tablet.

Sketching time. Uli and Ivy head for a corner office. Uli is not doing fabrics. Ivy has colorblocking. There are a TON of different fabrics. Anthony Ryan has a big print with stripes. It looks like a Navajo blanket. Ivy's print has blues and orange cloud-looking splotches. Emilio has a cheaper fabric. Also like last season, there are consultants to keep everyone on budget. Uli has to drop her vest. They all talk about price points, but there is no specific discussion of dollar amounts like last time.

Sewing time. Ivy is modifying her design. Her fabric is blue and white, like clouds, with big orange spots and black all along the bottom. She doesn't want to cut it up, but use the whole panel, so she's changed her design. Somehow there will still be colorblocking. I think Anthony Ryan is cutting only the stripes he wants from the print. Uli curses that she got white fabric. The fabric looks interesting but if everyone else has color it might hurt her. Winner gets their dress sold, but I don't have to tell you that, right? You guys all know what's up.

Uli talks about making design details, but I am wondering about her shawl. It is big and chunky and looks shredded. Kind of cool. Josh has fuchsia and matching lace. Emilio has a mustard silk and burgundy trim. The contrast looks pretty good.

Joanna time! And she brings Elie Tahari with her. Hee, Joanna says Elie is going to put "his two pennyworth's in". Ivy's dress is bold, and she gets the suggestion to cut the skirt off before it gets to the black. A shorter dress. Ivy says she likes the print, and suggests the customer could have it hemmed if she didn't like the black. See, I wouldn't buy a dress like that for that reason, because if you make it with that border, then clearly you think it should be there and hemming changes the whole dress. Joanna says something similar. Josh has sewn most of his dress but the whole front has nothing right now. They joke about it. Exposed zipper. Of course, Josh. Bleh. Elie sounds like he thinks it's tacky. Emilio has some rusty orange too, and I like the combo. They think it shouldn't have any orange, all yellow and purple. Uli's fabric might be too heavy. The skirt has some gathering, and it will make someone look fat. Anthony Ryan's print is doing all the work. He has a center panel of print, with a vertical stripe, and some side panels, so he has to place them perfectly so they don't make the woman's hips look too wide. Elie says so, and then says something about how fighting for things makes you appreciate them. Joanna says she's moved and hugs him. Aww.

Uli takes the gathered fabric away, and her dress looks much better. Emilio is also following the suggestions. Anthony Ryan gets a call home to his boyfriend. Aww. Ivy calls Casanova, and cries because she feels discouraged. Model fitting. Ivy is not changing the length of her dress. Uli's mannequin is too big, apparently. Frantic working for the end of the day.

At the hotel Emilio tells everyone about Elie's history and how he was homeless when he first came to America and Ivy says she's grateful for what she has and that was boring. I mean, not to insult Elie Tahari or anything, but whatever.

Day of the show. Two hours to fix things. Hot makeup guy Scott. Anthony Ryan thinks Uli keeps making white dresses because she wants to be married. Heh. Josh's dress is poorly fitted, because the zipper doesn't lie smoothly over her ass. It's all wavy, and it looks terrible. Aside from the fact that it is an exposed zipper.

Carolyn's dress is unflattering. It just has too much volume across her waist or something, and she looks pregnant. It would be a cute maternity dress, it's just that I know she isn't pregnant. Isaac has a cheetah print shirt and a sparkly gold tie. Elie is back as well as Stacy Keibler. Are we going to continue this double guest judge nonsense for next season? Blah. Anthony Ryan: It's a sheath dress with a central panel of stripy print, and pockets in a lighter color. And shoulders in the print too. I think maybe the print hits at the wrong place. Instead of accentuating her curves it makes her hips look too wide. Josh: fuchsia sheath dress with droopy boobs. Seriously, the bodice bunches right under her chest and it looks terrible. The back has the exposed zipper, and would be backless except for the strip he's put there to put the zipper on. And I know I normally don't talk about what people are saying during the runway, but Josh thinks we're all stupid enough to think his dress would work on a variety of body types. Yeah, maybe if you found a woman with one giant boob right in the middle of her chest. Then your dress wouldn't sag like that. Emilio: mustard sheath dress, hits just below the knee, with a narrow belt and shoulder seams in burgundy. I like it, I like the color combination. There is a V pleat in front but it sits properly. Ivy: long silk dress, with high slits. It's a tea length, which doesn't look right. Uli: white dress with a belt in the same fabric, and almost a cowl or shawl neck with a little extra fabric. It has enough seaming to be interesting.

Uli had some great detailing. Isaac says something about how the length is not quite right, but it's like a thrift store find that you love because it's not quite right. They really like the dress. Elie praises her for fixing it from yesterday. Ivy loves the print, and the top has a matching orange top. Ivy really did cut it down, but it looks too long still. Elie says he meant for her to not put the black on it, because it's too heavy. There are two slits, one on each side, so the skirt sits funny. Isaac likes it, but he says it looks better in motion. Emilio has a hard color to wear, but they do admit it looks great on his model. Isaac expects more from him. Whatever, Isaac. Anthony Ryan talks about how he cut down the print. Isaac doesnt' like the neckline, which is a crew neck with little tabs from the shoulders. Stacy loves it, which, whatever. Elie says something about stretch cotton fitting a lot of bodies, but I think the print is silk. It's shiny, anyway. Shiny panel right down your front. Also they show a shot of the dress from far away, and I do think the print makes her hips look big. It hits below her elbows and it's just not as flattering as they are telling him it is, I don't think. Josh likes lace. The color is great, but droopy boobs. Isaac doesn't even want to talk about the zipper. They don't like the lace. Carolyn tells him that the exposed zipper makes the dress look cheap. Josh tries to argue that it's the fit, but no, the zipper sucks and I'm glad someone FINALLY HATED ON EXPOSED ZIPPERS.

In the Scrap Bin, Josh says he should have just taken the zipper out and if that's why he goes home he'll be annoyed. Uli's dress was young and elegant and looks easy. You can dress it up or down. Suddenly Isaac loves Anthony Ryan, and they love the pockets, which is stupid because on a normal person pockets make your hips look even wider than that print will. Isaac liked Emilio's dress, and insists that he be safe from elimination. The dress was fine, not great, but certainly not worth being eliminated over. Ivy's dress is blah, and she's been on the bottom a lot, and Carolyn is bored. Whatever, Carolyn, there are more people who are more boring. Josh's cheap-ass dress is poorly fitted and he always makes tacky things when he screws up. At least Ivy's dress looked like it fit the price point.

Anthony Ryan wins, which is dumb. Plus the actual dress they're selling is just all print. All vertical stripy print. Whatever. Uli should have won. Anthony Ryan claims winning scares him because it's "the calm before the storm". Shut up, dude. Emilio is in. Josh made a tacky "average" dress. Ivy's dress has no hanger appeal. Ivy is out. What? I'm tired of Josh. Fine. Ivy's glad to have a second chance, and I think she's glad to have been a nice person this time around.

Next week: female veterans, makeovers probably, Josh in ugly neon clothes, Katie Holmes.

Top Chef 12/26/12--"Jalapeno Business" summary

Previously on "Top Chef": The Quickfire involved making dishes with mystery ingredients. They made some poor intern cover everything in the pantry with foil. Kristen made a cake, which is impressive because it means she made a pan out of foil too, so she won immunity. The Elimination challenge was to make a dish with berries for a berry festival. Everyone got paired off, and then you battled head-to-head with someone who had the same berry as you. John and Stefan engaged in some trash talking. Josie channeled Guy Fieri and irritated the judges, and then later got into it with Stefan. Kristen won again, while Danyele made terrible chicken terrine and was sent home. (click for more)
Last Chance Kitchen: both Danyele and CJ had to make sandwiches with lunchmeat and cheese. Danyele made some turkey and avocado which sounded like it would be tasty, but then CJ busted out with Vietnamese ham and whatnot so CJ remains victorious.
 Stefan says that Josie talks when she's stressed, and that he's over it. I guess he means that he's chalking up their fight to stress and isn't holding it against her? Except for the part where he's the one who said she was "skating by". I don't know. Kristen's feeling confident. Lizzie finds a note that says for the Quickfire, they'll have to go somewhere and "harvest" their main ingredient. Emeril will be here today. They use the product placement in the car to figure out it's a shellfish farm. Micah shares that he was brought up kosher and didn't eat shellfish.

Everyone has been provided with boots, so I guess they might have figured it out without the GPS system or whatever. It looks like it's not the same as digging for clams, because everyone is just picking oysters up off the bed, instead of having to dig a hole. Josie manages to get stuck, and Micah helps her out. But he makes sure we know what a nice guy he is about it. Stefan helps her too, I would like to point out. Micah interviews that Josie is fun sometimes but sometimes you wish she'd shut up. Everyone tries the oysters, which I would totally do. John and Bart have stories, although Bart's seems to be about how his family didn't want him to be a chef. Sheldon's never done this before because oysters don't grow in Hawaii. I've never done it either, so don't feel bad. Josh points out they might just be shucking oysters for the Quickfire.

Emeril and Padma greet everyone and tell them the challenge: "oysters on the half shell for Emeril". John has gone back to wearing his glasses like a dork. Half of them will make a hot dish, and half will make a cold dish. They'll have to grab aprons to pick, so I guess it's first come, first serve. Winner gets $5000. Brooke says she has a car but no cash, hee hee, shut up Brooke. I don't know why that bugged me but it did. Emeril warns them not to overcook the oysters.

25 minutes to cook. Sheldon wasn't fast enough to get to do a hot dish. Brooke complains that the shells are chipping too easily. Micah says something weird about how meeting Emeril for him is like when Moses met God. OK. He's frying his oysters, and when he goes to put them in the fryer there is something in the fryer next to his basket but I can't tell what it is. I'm not sure who is frying a big flat thing. Bart is making champagne sauce. John's making garlic butter and Parmesan garlic foam. Stefan is smoking his oysters in a plastic bag. Josie's sauce is broken.

Kristen: hot oysters with caramelized honey tomato broth, celery leaves, and chili. Stefan: cold smoked oysters with potato vinaigrette and flash frozen salt. WTF is flash frozen salt? Josh: cold oysters with pickled cucumbers, white soy, cilantro, and red chili. Lizzie: cold oysters with crushed currant juice and crushed pink peppercorn. It's pretty. Brooke: cold oysters with salsa verde, cilantro, horseradish, and red chili. John: hot oysters poached in garlic butter with Swiss chard and garlic-Parmesan foam. I'm sorry, foam never looks appetizing. Josie: hot wood-roasted oysters with chorizo and cilantro cream. Micah: hot crispy fried oysters with arugula salad, hot sauce, and lemon. Bart: hot oysters with champagne, butter, and cream. Sheldon: chilled oysters with Old Bay broth and ginger scallion pesto.

Bart had too much butter and cream and the oyster was lost. Also Emeril knew Josie's sauce was broken, although he blames it on the oyster liquor and not the broken sauce. John's preparation was boring. Lizzie took a chance and it was delicious. Micah also took a risk but it popped. Brooke's salsa verde was excellent but didn't take away from the oyster. The winner is Micah. He claims to be glad to cook for Emeril, although he doesn't deny he likes the money.

Elimination Challenge: cook for some roller derby girls. Awesome. Five of them skate in. Josie is psyched and reveals she used to play pro football. Are you surprised? Neither am I. Lizzie whispers she hopes they don't have to cook on roller skates. Sadly, I think that might have been a valid fear. Padma makes everyone pair up in teams of two. Bart ends up with Josie, and says no one else wanted to get stuck with her but he's a team player. Brooke ends up with John again, and says she's used to him. The teams must make dishes inspired by the name of whatever roller derby girl they get teamed up with. Teriyaki Terror, Jalapeno Business, Eddie Shredder, Kutta Rump, Tempura Tantrum. The poor girls have to say stupid things about their names, and it's awkward and painful. Jalapeno Business is an awesome name, though. No fussy food but no concession stand food either. Micah and Lizzie pick first, and they pick Jalapeno Business. Sheldon picks for him and Josh, and takes Tempura Tantrum. Stefan and Kristen get Eddie Shredder. John and Brooke get Kutta Rump, which means Josie and Bart end up with Teriyaki Terror. 2.5 hours to cook for 100 people. Also everyone is invited to tonight's game.

They get like, box seats to the game, which appears to be on a basketball court, not on an oval track with the banked curves like in movies. Josie is loud, obviously. Brooke labels roller derby as "violent Ice Capades". Heh. Josie hollers at Teriyaki and someone says "You know she's on the bench, right?" Nice. Josh is irritated, and Sheldon looks irritated too. Unless they edited that shot in from some other time. Stefan shushes her, and Josie interviews that she's come to the derby with her parents. She is really that obnoxious loud person at the sporting event, though. You know what I mean. John, because he is COMPLETELY ridiculous, has put on eye black.

Back at the apartment, Josie sacks out on the couch while I think everyone sits at the table and complains. At first I thought they were in another room, but later you'll see they're within ear shot. Josh says when she left the box she knocked a beer over, and was generally obnoxious. Micah says it doesn't matter what she said because "nothing that came out of that mouth tonight was a word". Josie gets up off the couch and accuses everyone of having their panties in a bunch because she told them they were boring, and are they sensitive about that? Micah responds that there's no reason to call anyone names (...what name? "Boring"?) and no one called her a name. Josie says boring is not a name (true) but that if she wanted to call him an asshole, then that would be a name. Also douchebag. "And I'm just saying, this tree right here? You don't want to bark up, Micah, OK? Alright? This right here (said while gesturing to herself)? Knows who she is. You? Are hiding in a closet." OK, "this tree right here" was hilarious and awesome. Then we went off the rails. I'm not sure Micah being annoyed by you means he's closeted. Especially since he said nothing about your personal life. And you'd think a person who got their ass kicked for being gay wouldn't throw shit like that around, but there you go. Josh is all "...the fuck just happened?" Micah doesn't seem to be offended, as he apologizes for not telling everyone up front that he was a gay man hiding in a closet. Bart tries to calm her down, and she says "Namaste, bitches. Namaste." What? I think I would be sick of Josie too, at this point.

This party is in like, a disco roller rink. Awesome. Lizzie and Micah are making crab-stuffed jalapenos, which sound delicious. Bart says they're civilized in Belgium. He's also afraid to be over-spicy. Stefan tries to make fun of John for being old, and implying that he used to roller skate in the 50's, but John totally doesn't get it and says that his first date was at a roller rink. Heh. John says he likes working with Brooke because she reminds him of his daughter. Who was taken from him by his wife in an ugly divorce. You can tell he's still torn up about it. OK, that is worth one glasses crack that I will let slide. He thanks for Brooke for working with him. Sheldon has a tempura battered dessert. Stefan's dish is complicated. He says something about ice skating, only he did it when Kristen was three years old so she ribs him about it. Josie is worried about her dish.

People rent skates and skate up to the booths. Everyone encourages people to eat their dishes. Josie is Josie. Hugh is here, nice. And Emeril, and Tom and Padma. I think Hugh tells Padma her roller derby name is "Padma Smacks Me". Heh. Brooke and John (and Kutta Rump, apparently): Thai beef with lobster jasmine rice and Thai slaw. They seem to really like it. Josie and Bart (Teriyaki Terror): steak teriyaki with forbidden rice, beet blood, and green papaya salad. It looks like a skewer and a shot glass full of juice, but I think the rice is in the glass. The girl says it's "unique", and Hugh asks if that is unique good or unique crappy. Too earthy. Beef isn't seared right, rice is overcooked. Bad. Hugh tries to give Emeril a derby name but Emeril points out his name is clearly "Bam Bam Legassi". Obviously. Micah and Lizzie (Jalapeno Business): crab-stuffed jalapeno with avocado cream, onion and pepper relish. It is crispy, and tastes good. Stefan has put out his plates and put drizzle on all of them first, so it looks violent. Stefan and Kristen (Eddie Shredder): corn puree, chicken liver, and sunny side up egg. He says it's "chicken inside out". The corn is delicious, and the liver is cooked well. Tom wishes they had shredded some chicken. Josh and Sheldon (Tempura Tantrum): tempura yuzu curd with shiso, fresno chili, sweet potato, and vanilla. It's on a stick. The tempura isn't fried enough, although they do like all the gels and flavors and whatever.

Commercial interlude: Padma roller skates and Stefan says he bought Season 9 so he could cut out all the footage of Padma and make a video like a creepy stalker. The whole thing is done in 70's crappy film and weird special effects and then at the end it says "Padma Smacks Me". Ha.

Padma collects John, Brooke, Micah, and Lizzie. These are the top. Brooke and John cooked everything perfectly and the sauce was delicious. Micah and Lizzie's peppers didn't overpower the crab. Hugh says the winning team is Brooke and John, because did what the judges asked for. John is an ass and says he finally won but it would have been better if he'd won alone.

Back in the Stew Room Stefan and Josh bitch about how Micah and Lizzie made a jalapeno popper. Josie, Bart, Sheldon, and Josh are called up. Tom says Sheldon and Josh had some execution problems, while Josie and Bart were all over the place. Josie did the teriyaki, while Bart did the rice, and the beets, and I think cooked the beef. Josie says they made a plate before service and they thought it was fine. Tom says something about seasoning, and Josie talks about how she thought the rice was like risotto? But she thought the beets were highly flavored and they would seep into the rice? I guess she thought the beets would make up for the rice not tasting right. Tom goes on a rant about how if you mix something seasoned and something bland, you get bland every time and he's tired of telling them that. Tom says they've told Bart a bunch of times he underseasons things, and Josie says she let him season something but didn't taste it afterwards. Bart says the beef was spicy, and he asked Josie about the rice because he knows he underseasons. Everything was a mishmash. Hugh says it was like beet espuma served on boring porridge. Josh thinks they were creative. They seem to know the tempura wasn't executed right. Josh tries to say he didn't know how many custards were left, so that's why they served subpar food. Tom is not impressed. Then Josh is all, I'm going to ask a question, and it's not "a CJ thing" (uh oh), and then he brings up Micah and Brooke's dish and how they made a jalapeno popper and isn't that concession food? Wasn't Josh there when CJ got shot down? Tom carefully explains to him the difference between frozen jalapeno poppers and a roasted pepper with crab salad that is perfectly fried. Josh, you look so bad right now. Padma says they had some risky parts to their dish, but they had an execution problem.

Sheldon worries that he might go home because the tempura was his thing. Josie whines that she doesn't want to go home because of someone else's mistake, and then tries to lecture us on why you salt things, but if Bart asked her to check something she should have checked it. Bart gets sent home. I guess for underseasoning things. He shakes everyone's hand and Padma says she'll send him a bag of salt. Ouch. He interviews that no one sends his food back in his restaurant for being underseasoned. I think he then says he doesn't need this, "this" being Josie talking all day. If people didn't like it, that's their problem.

Next time: it appears they've gathered "classic" moments from previous seasons, and everyone has to make whatever dish in the clip? I think. The judges appear to be Wolfgang Puck, Wylie Dufresne, and Chris Cosentino.

Last Chance Kitchen: Bart says it's fun to cook against CJ. Tom talks about perfect execution, and Teriyaki Terror shows up to give him a covered dish. CJ waxes rhapsodic about her ass: "Like two Parma hams, dueling for control." Hee. Don't be distracted. Bart's teriyaki was underseasoned and bad. They must make chicken breast, which is bland, exciting and delicious. Bart is using tea, and everyone reminds him to put a lot of salt. CJ has Greek yogurt and bonito flakes. Bart has cookies? Tyler is singing which is annoying. CJ has his chicken in the wood burning oven, but it's pretty close to the end of time. CJ: marinated chicken with mushroom reduction, Greek yogurt and roasted lettuces. I don't know what it's marinated in. CJ admits to being nervous, and curses when Tom doesn't say anything about his dish. Bart: roasted chicken, carrots, Greek yogurt, tea infused sauce, and speculoos cookie. You can tell Bart is tlal because he clears CJ's shoulder. CJ's tarragon was great. Bart seasoned his dish well. Both of them cooked the chicken perfectly and Tom says they both nailed it. The winner is CJ. Tom says that the flavors in Bart's dish would be great in venison, but it's a little much for chicken. Woo CJ!

Project Runway All Stars 12/20/12--"Flapper Fashion Face-off" summary

Previously on Project Runway: unconventional materials challenge! This time everyone had to make an outfit from the Christmas store, without making it obvious it was from the Christmas store. Mostly it was tacky. Uli won, because her signature is now apparently embellishments, and not flowy maxi dresses. Casanova flailed and made multiple dresses and ended up going home. (click for more)

So…next season of regular Project Runway. All team challenges. No Kors. I watched a season of a reality show with teams, RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars. It was terrible. No one liked the teams. Although it does raise a question, namely, if you have to be in teams, are they going to be the same teams all the time? Do you switch teams every week? Do they send a whole team home each week and maybe this season won’t last forever? This sounds like a terrible idea, all team challenges. Sharks, you guys. Sharks and water skis. Gah.

Ivy is kind of sad Casanova is gone now. Emilio thinks everyone left is strong. Game changer, he says.

Carolyn says some stuff about the 1920’s. They must make a modern look that is inspired by the twenties. She has six invitations for them. Everyone takes one, and they all have different destinations on them. Social soiree, afternoon garden party, speakeasy. So now everyone is paired up, but not in teams but head-to-head. Nice. Uli and Laura have soiree, Josh and Emilio are garden party, and Ivy and Anthony Ryan are speakeasy.

Everyone gets to designing. Emilio is going more body-conscious late ‘20s. Josh asks Laura if she’s going to have feathers, and she declares she does not need feathers to compensate for her design. Out loud. In front of Uli. Jeez. $250 to shop. Josh and Emilio fake fight. Ivy is buying some fabric that is $150 a yard. Yikes.

When they get back to the workroom to start on their stuff, Anthony Ryan thinks Ivy is hiding from him. Ivy, on the other hand, thinks Anthony Ryan is all up in her personal space. Uli claims she really didn’t intend to use feathers today. Laura thinks using trim and feathers is really “styling” and not “designing”, and then she says she’s combating this trim and feathers thing with…fur. Whatever. She makes me tired. Also she doesn’t think the ‘20s had outfits with stuff all over them. Didn’t flapper dresses tend toward beading? Or is that just my musical/movie image of them? Josh thinks he and Emilio have the hardest category. For no reason, Josh is using horrible floral print fabric instead of muslin. Then he “brags” that he only goes to fire escape parties and parties on rooftops. Anthony Ryan makes a feather capelet. Josh models it because he is weird. Ivy cuts her expensive fabric into strips. Laura also has beaded fabric, and she says she has to smash the beads before she can sew it. She claims to respect Uli, after she said all that stuff about trim.

Joanna time! Josh has a draped sash, almost, and Joanna warns him against making his model look fat. Then she points out that both Josh and Ivy have not won a challenge yet. Emilio has grandma’s sofa print fabric. He promises Joanna it won’t end up old, and then he says while Josh’s model is appropriate for the garden party, she is just a guest while his model is the owner. Heh. Josh fights back by saying HIS model is the main course to her husband? It didn’t make a ton of sense but Josh thinks his girl is hotter, I guess, and they both seem entertained and not insulted. Laura is making pants again. Uli thinks the judges will penalize her if she doesn’t bust out the feathers. Anthony Ryan’s capelet looks great. Ivy’s fabric is turning out well. Joanna forces them to judge each other, and Ivy admits she doesn’t like Anthony Ryan’s outfit. She is ready to win.

Model fitting. Uli discovers her fabric is too sheer. She also likes Laura’s outfit. Josh really wants a brooch, but he can’t figure out where to put it. Underneath Ivy’s sewing machine the floor is covered in beads and sequins. No one seems terribly close to being done.

Day of the show. People trash talk each other. Hot makeup guy Scott. Everyone loves what they have made and thinks their opponent is terrible.

Carolyn has gotten herself all glammed up with waves and a 20s dress and whatnot. Uh…and then everyone is seated at hightop tables and they told them to dress appropriately? So with feathered headbands and in period looking clothes? Sigh…two guest judges again. Gretchen Mol (on “Boardwalk Empire”) and designer Jenny Packham. Josh: part of his bodice is light gray and sleeveless. Then there is a swath of dark raspberry fabric across the other side of her body. Like she has on the gray dress and wrapped herself in the other fabric. The brooch ended up at her hip, and I think the skirt is longer in front than in back. She looks kind of wide, but I wonder if everyone is going to go for a flapper boxy silhouette. The back of the dress has both colors and a diagonal light yellow stripe, for some reason. Emilio: tea length slim dress with wide shoulder straps, in a floral print. It’s much more modern and looks really great. Uli: short loose dress, kind of boxy, in white fabrics with a skirt made of fringe. There is also a shawl across her shoulders and chest that kind of stands up. There is a lot of fringe on this dress. Laura: dark red pants, very wide, and a blousey camisole with some beading down the front and a very low cut back. And a fur vest. Eh. It’s fine, it’s just very Laura. Ivy: knee length straight dress with very nice beaded fabric in a horizontal print. The bottom of the skirt has a few feathers. For some reason her model is walking very slowly and carefully. Anthony Ryan: short dress in a very loose silhouette, and the fantastic feather capelet.

Josh talks about drop waist and whatever, and Georgina likes the back but not the front. Specifically, the brooch and her clutch. The front ruins it. Emilio really wanted to do a print, and he cut it carefully so there would be more blue print on top and gray in the middle. They really like how elegant it is and it fits the time period. Georgina wants him to push his unique point of view. Uli wanted expensive fabrics all put together. They do like it, but Isaac doesn’t like the fringe. They ask her to take the shawl off and they like it better with the thick straps and the slight crew neck on the dress. Laura says she loves “a whimsical pant”. With the fur, the pants are too much. Down at the bottom the hem is slightly cock-eyed and her hips are weird. Shiny fabric. Ivy talks about her beaded fabric, but Carolyn says she has seen it and is bored. Too heavy. Anthony Ryan’s dress looks very 60’s when he takes the capelet off. It’s a high neck and all vertical stripes, and with the length (above the knee) it’s very gogo dancer. Isaac doesn’t like the capelet. Even though his dress and Ivy’s dress are cut the same (boxy), no one says anything about it because I guess it is Ivy’s turn to go home. Emilio, Uli, and Anthony Ryan have the high scores.

They like Emilio’s dress, but at the same time they are bored and have seen it. Isaac doesn’t want him to win. Uli has a lot of detail and it looks expensive. Somehow Anthony Ryan is fresher. Whatever, we all know how pointless it is to try to figure out the judges. Then they claim that now is the hard part, figuring out the loser, except that we know Laura and Josh had mild criticisms, tempered with plenty of praise, and Ivy only got slammed. So I don’t see how this is really hard. Josh didn’t do that great, but they think he shouldn’t be eliminated. Laura’s pants are not well-liked, but they seem to like her outfit more without the fur vest. Carolyn thinks they’ll be seeing this same pantsuit forever. True. Ivy didn’t make her dress well, which seems to be a recurring theme with her recently. They can see her intention though, and Carolyn likes it better than Laura’s pants.

Emilio is in. Anthony Ryan is the winner! Eh. I still think that was more mod 60’s than 20’s but fine. Uli is in. Josh is in. Laura is…out? What? I didn’t think you had it in you, show, to fool me like that! She claims not to be sad. No one else seems to be sad either.

Next week: make a “wow” look. Ivy gets to call Casanova for some reason. Carolyn is bored. I’m not sure if I can watch and post on time next week, but hopefully I’ll get things up quickly.

Top Chef 12/19/12--"Foiled Again" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was an internet celebrity and a product placement challenge that also involved gimmicktry. It was dumb. Essentially the chefs had to make a “holiday” dish and Brooke won with apple crostada. Then everyone had to cater a party for some actors. There was a good deal of heavy foreshadowing about Danyele. Brooke won again, because she took her immunity and made lamb stuffed-squid. Even with the foreshadowing, Eliza was sent home for undercooked carrots. (click for more)

On Last Chance Kitchen, CJ and Tyler were not a team, and were tasked with making something with carrots and pickles, along with Brooke. It was not super exciting, but CJ won. He also seemed less arrogant, which is a good sign.

Everyone sits around and misses Eliza. Danyele is going to try to not be nervous. Josh bitches that he keeps getting in the bottom for making pork, when that’s what he does. He says something about underwear but it sounds gross so I’m not going to look at that too closely.

For the Quickfire Stephanie is here. I like Stephanie. And if we need to have a winner, at least it’s not Ilan. Also she’s the only woman to win so far. Padma says they can make whatever they want today. Then she tells them every ingredient in the pantry is covered in aluminum foil. Aww, why not let them find that out when they get in there? They show the pantry, and some poor interns have seriously covered every bottle, can, piece of fruit. Hee! Padma says once you open it, you must use it. They’ve also taped off all the pots and pans and must cook in the foil. At least these two gimmicks are related, unlike the travesty of last week. Winner gets immunity.

30 minutes. Ha, all the meat and stuff in the refrigerator is covered too. John gets a pineapple and is unhappy because he thought he had herbs? What? How do you not know a pineapple even through foil? Kristen wants to make sponge cake, which seems complicated in 30 minutes. Bart uses his head to shape some foil. The grill is covered in foil trays. Micah sears some lamb with a blowtorch.

Danyele: cannellini bean stew with bacon, asiago cheese, and tomatillo. They like the tomatillo. Micah: grilled lamb with tomato fennel panzanella. Lamb is rare. Stefan: hot smoked salmon with German potato salad. And champagne. John: beef egg drop soup with braised pineapple. I’ll give him props for making soup in aluminum foil. Brooke: bacon roasted yams with bacon, onion, and apple salad. Raw onion. Josh: roasted chicken with potatoes, poblano, tomatillo, and carrots. Kristen: almond and chocolate sponge cake. It looks really good. Bart: beer poached cod with butter beer sauce. He’s covered his bowl in foil too. Weird. Sheldon: lemongrass smoked scallops with tomato and shallot salad.

Brooke didn’t season her dish enough, and Micah’s lamb was too rare. Josh didn’t do enough with his ingredients. Then Stephanie names six people, which is pretty much everyone else, I think. Specifically, Danyele’s stew was delicious, Kristen got a good texture out of her cake, and Sheldon had a good flavor. The winner is Kristen. Nice. She’s glad to be rewarded for thinking out of the box.

Elimination challenge. Tomorrow they are at a berry festival? So they must cook with berries. They’ll be battling head-to-head. Josh says he loves battles and then tells us he was a wrestler. Does he understand he’s not going to actually physically battle anyone? Padma rearranges the line so the top six are apart from everyone else. Kristen doesn’t have a partner, but can still win the challenge. If you win your battle, you are safe from elimination. The top Quickfire people can choose their opponents. Heh. Sheldon picks Micah, Danyele and Josh, Stefan and John, Josie and Lizzie, Bart and Brooke. Brooke is last, and has decided to be flattered. The festival guests will pick the winners. 150 guests, and 3 hours to cook. Winner gets $10,000. Everyone takes a covered dish because each team will focus on one berry. They are all the berries you think of except tayberries, which are apparently a cross between a blackberry and a raspberry that is not a loganberry.

Shopping, which is at Central Market and not Whole Foods? Huh. Kristen has the tayberry. Sheldon and Stefan briefly fight over some tuna. Stefan and John have gooseberries, and Stefan has decided that since Sheldon took most of the tuna he is going to buy some fresh frozen tuna. To make sashimi. Oh, Stefan.

Back at the hotel/apartments/whatever, John laughs at Stefan and gives him the loser sign. John says it’s fun to go against Stefan because it’s fun to get inside his head. Stefan promises if John doesn’t lose, Stefan will shank him.

Everyone treks out to the farm or wherever this festival is. Stefan talks about getting away from some drama. I’m sure drama tags along with Stefan. They find one of those outdoor kitchens I always see on “Dinner: Impossible”. Not a lot of space. Danyele yells and I guess shoves someone out of the way. A guy drives up on a tractor with their berries. Lizzie and Josie have raspberries, and Lizzie waxes rhapsodic about how they go so well with pork and cabbage. Josie is talking about California rolls with raspberry coulis instead of avocado. Uh huh. Bart and John fight over a mixer. John whines that people are crying like children. You were pouring things into a giant plastic bin. That is not “using the blender”. He manages to jack up whatever he’s doing so he and Josh get sprayed with soup. Karma, dude. Micah and Sheldon have strawberries, and Sheldon admits to everyone he picked Micah because Micah is a strong competitor. Josh and Danyele have blueberries, and Josh brags that he is great and Danyele is freaking out. Kristen interviews that she was born in Seoul and was adopted at four months old, and with this money she would get if she won, she could go back to Korea. Aww. Brooke and Bart trash talk in a genial manner. Brooke seems to be about to panic.

Tom time! When Tom asks Stefan if he can beat John, Stefan shrugs and states how old John is. OK, heh. Tom goes to John and passes the message that Stefan said he’d win. Nice. John tells Tom he feels confident and also Stefan used frozen tuna. Burn. Stefan claims there was nothing else, the other fish was bad, whatever. Stefan I think is kind of insulted that John threw him under the bus. It’s not like Tom wouldn’t be able to tell the fish was frozen when you’re serving it raw. John claims he was making a point about the fish not being sustainable. Whatever.

Micah reveals his daughters are named Sage and Saffron, because those are the only culinary names he could think of that did not also sound like stripper names. Josie is rolling to order. Stefan and John are still trash talking each other, even after they start serving. Stephanie is back to judge, along with Gail. Danyele: chicken pine nut terrine with blueberry mostarda. Josh: savory goat cheese mousse with blueberry compote. And a little ham? The terrine is rubbery, but Tom wants more compote with Josh’s dish.

Josie has named her dish “Rock n’Raspberry Roll”. She is very loud as she rolls to order. She seems high. Gail actually turns to Tom and asks “Is she high?” Hee. Sockeye salmon, Dungeness crab and raspberry aioli. Some random girl complains about the wait. Lizzie: raspberry steamed cabbage roll with heritage pork and bacon stuffing. They love Lizzie’s dish. Tom is pissed with Josie’s behavior, and the wait and the fact that she appeared to put her show above the food.

Sheldon: ahi summer roll: ahi poke, strawberries, and sweet chili sauce. Micah: strawberry fried chicken with strawberry and bacon biscuit. And maple sour cream. They both seem to have done a pretty good job.

John: white gazpacho with Spanish chorizo, gooseberries, and sweet grapes. Stefan: “Cali” crudo with radishes, gooseberries, and spiced vinaigrette. They do like Stefan’s dish but wish for more gooseberries. John also doesn’t have enough gooseberry flavor.

Brooke: spicy smoked chocolate pudding with blackberry tapioca, with marshmallow and graham crackers. Bart: blackberry soup with salmon and rhubarb yogurt. Bart didn’t need the salmon, but they love Brooke’s dessert.

Kristen: matcha goat milk custard with macerated tayberries. Interesting. They love it a lot. Stefan and John continue to bitch at each other.

Commercial interlude: Josie is loud. Yeah, we knew that. Josh hates her laugh. But hey, John is wearing his glasses on top of his head like a normal person, so that’s something.

Back in the Stew Room, Stefan is still pissed at John. He goes around the room and asks every single person if they’ve used frozen tuna, and mostly they say they have, so Stefan gets up and tells John to suck his dick. Everyone dies laughing. Padma collects John, Josie, Bart, Micah, and Danyele. Someone wonders aloud if this is the bottom, and Stefan says “Of course it’s the bottom! What are you, fucking blind?” Hee. It is the bottom. Tom tells them they agree with the guests. Micah knows he and Sheldon had very different dishes, and he admits Sheldon’s flavors popped. The biscuit was dense and the strawberries didn’t come through. Josie knows Lizzie got a lot of votes. She claims it wasn’t about the demonstration, but because she was behind, she thought she needed to entertain everyone while they waited for her to roll things. The berries kind of muddled together and the whole thing ended up heavy somehow. Bart’s salmon didn’t go with the soup. Danyele didn’t go far enough with her mostarda. Tom thinks it could have been better. Also the terrine was not good. John put chorizo in his gazpacho, which swamped the berry flavor. He tries to blame the chaotic kitchen but Tom basically laughs at him.

Winner time. So Tom says they all did a good job and then Stephanie announces that Kristen. What, that’s it? OK. Kristen curses and is very excited.

Bart had a great soup and showcased the berries, but then had salmon for no reason. Micah didn’t have enough strawberries. Josie muddled her flavors. Tom says it was like Pepto Bismol. Tom! Did you just make a smart-ass reference to when Josie was out the first time she was on the show? I’m impressed you remember that. Danyele’s idea was fine, but her chicken was terrible and the crostini were tough. John had too many excuses.

Danyele is sent to Last Chance Kitchen. Well, I thought she was going home last week, so OK. She seems to not be super upset. Stefan says something dumb to John, and I guess told Josie to shut up? Instead of moving to go over by John? So she flips him the bird and all of a sudden they’re both pissed and having a giant fight. Lame.

Next week: roller derby girls, and Josie tells Stefan he’s closeted. Nice. I don’t know when I can watch the episode and post it but I’ll see what I can do.

Last Chance Kitchen: once again, Danyele is intimidated by CJ. Today’s challenge is to make a sandwich with lunch meat. Because Danyele’s terrine was like lunch meat. Heh. CJ snobs that he doesn’t like to work with pre-made meat. They both get to go shopping. They make them drive themselves and use some product placement features. Once they get going, CJ stage whispers that they should just keep going. “Punch it Thelma!” Hee. There is mild confessional trash talking, but I am distracted because you can tell as they both stand there that Danyele doesn’t even come up to CJ’s shoulder. When they get back to the kitchen, the peanut gallery is there to watch. Chrissy has a T-shirt that says “BIG CEEJ”. What? That is kind of awesome. Danyele is actually making some sandwich she eats all the time, which is turkey and avocado and bacon. It sounds tasty, but CJ is making daikon butter or something. Someone says encouragement to Danyele and she says “I’ll eat it, if no one else will”. Hee! As everyone laughs, Tom is all “Uh, I HAVE to eat it”. Danyele admonishes him that he gets the pleasure of eating her sandwich, and he is like “Oh, no, totally, that’s what I meant to say”. CJ: Vietnamese-inspired ham and butter sandwich with apple and radicchio. Danyele: oven-roasted turkey, bacon, and avocado sandwich with pickled onions. Also pepper jack cheese. CJ had too much bread and not enough stuff. Danyele had too much meat and the bread fell apart. Danyele says Tom is a hater. In the end, CJ wins again. Danyele takes her sandwich with her when she leaves.

Project Runway All Stars 12/13/12--"An Unconventional Nightmare Before Christmas" summary

Previously on Project Runway: make a red carpet dress but you have to use eco-friendly fabrics. Whatever. Laura won, even though she made a romper, because Diane von Furstenberg was the guest judge and that’s Laura’s idol or something. Althea was sent home, even though she is a good designer. She’s said in interviews that her dress had fallen apart, something had detached, and she had asked to fix it. The producers refused, even though in other similar situations designers were allowed to fix their clothing. So I guess she was not drama enough.

Everyone is out on some docks somewhere. Josh hopes for a pirate theme. No, sweetheart, I don’t think so. Carolyn says this is the location for the next challenge, as if they will somehow magically transport the workroom here. First, though, there is another “special guest” who is a jewelry designer. Fawaz Gruosi. He says something and Carolyn has to translate that winner gets a watch. Casanova is wearing a turban. Ha ha! Unconventional materials challenge! She says it’s the challenge that contestants hate but viewers love. Truth. Emilio lets us flash back to his season and his hot pink macramé washer bikini. Man that was a hot mess. Anthony Ryan reminds us of his birdseed dress, which was awesome and I still think it should have won. Carolyn is sending them to a store, with $350. The twist is that you should not be able to tell they got the stuff from the store. Whatever store. Also Kylie Minogue is here. I hope she is fun. Anthony Ryan thinks she is the biggest judge in Runway history, which I don’t think is true, but we’ll go with it.

Everyone runs to the store, which ends up being a Christmas store. Ha! How are they going to make a non-Christmas outfit out of Christmas materials? This is a pretty good twist. Laura buys sparkly things. Emilio stands in the pink aisle. Casanova says “What I can do? Live piñata”. Awesome. Emilio laughs that “a big fat white man that climbs through your chimney in the middle of the night would get shot in my neighborhood. We call those burglars.”

Casanova tells Ivy she has too much work in her design. Uli jokes to them that they should have come here as one person. Nice. What if one of them goes home? Josh reveals he has worn a tree skirt as a cape. Good for you. He thought he bought a roll of blue material, only to find the blue was just a sleeve to roll up the thing in. He reveals in confessional that he has bought a banner that says Happy Hanukkah and has Velcro candles. Ha! Anthony Ryan laughs at him. Uli has decided to make an entire dress out of embellishments. Judges, see what you have created. Casanova is taking poinsettias apart to cover the dress in leaves. Josh appears to be cutting up metal ornaments to make a bra. Emilio complains. Actually everyone complains about the challenge except Ivy.

Joanna time! Josh doesn’t have a lot of material. He is making a high-waisted short out of glitter ribbon. To go with a sports bra made out of metal ornaments and pieces of a train. Never change, Josh. Casanova is taking something apart, and Joanna says from far away it looked good. He just looks at her and says “You wanna wear this dress?” Of course not. Heh. Emilio and his pink color palette have successfully fooled Joanna. I think he’s making an entire dress from ribbon. Josh passes judgment on it, which, be quiet Metal Bra Boy. Anthony Ryan has a “winter” dress which is good. Lots of mirrors. All of a sudden Ivy is interviewing that Anthony Ryan is a copier and that he’s copying Uli and she’s known for this kind of thing? Is she? I remember Uli making long maxi dresses. Is she known for embellishments? Laura says some shit about stuff. Whatever. She continues in her interview that the prize isn’t about who NEEDS it, it’s who DESERVES it. Can’t you shut up about your money for two seconds? In an interview to people who already know? She made a silver shift dress. Boring. Ivy has gold fabric and twigs.

Casanova is in trouble. With three hours left he’s starting over. Model fitting. Josh’s bra is cone shaped. Most people have their models cut stuff up for them. Casanova is now braiding something. He’s in trouble. Uli thinks everyone is watching her.

At the hotel Laura loves her look, of course. They dis Emilio. Casanova worries that he’s only using fabric. Josh tells him to go around the room and ask people to borrow stuff.

Two hours on the day of the challenge. Emilio is going to have to glue his ribbon on. Casanova goes through with Josh’s idea and borrows things from people. Hot makeup guy Scott. Uli doesn’t think Anthony Ryan is copying her. Ivy hopes not having as much stuff will help her. Emilio destroys all the glue guns somehow.

La La Anthony is here too. Why are there two guest judges? They do that a lot and I’m not sure why. Anthony Ryan: shift dress with a lot of silver things stuck on it. I’m not sure what all is there, but each piece is cut small enough that you can’t tell what went into making it. Ivy: gold short dress. The top has some sheer fabric, still in gold, that makes up the top of the bodice and the long sleeves. The skirt is covered in twigs so it looks like long fringe. It’s not bad. Josh: Jesus. A metal bra that is cone shaped and covered in metal bits. Then there are hot pants in gold and green glitter ribbon. It’s pretty tacky. Uli: very short silver sheath dress, with some stuff on the shoulders so they stand out a little more. You can see some silver fabric here, unlike Anthony Ryan’s which was completely covered with ornaments or whatever. She also used that to make an hourglass shape, curving the stuff in at the waist.

Emilio: purple halter dress with a full skirt. It’s not a bad idea, but the hem in the back seems jacked up and it’s not terribly exciting. Casanova: gold short dress with lots of sparkly fabric. Whatever. At least he sent something. It’s mostly gold with a silver vertical panel in the front. Laura: silver shift dress with sparkly bits. It does look like a real dress. Humph.

Carolyn tells them they did a really good job, and then tells Emilio he is safe. Anthony Ryan wanted to do a stage piece, which is why it’s got so many mirrors. Isaac thinks it looks really expensive. Carolyn loves the length of the skirt. Laura wanted to make a beaded dress, and Kylie loves that it has pockets. But not that all in the center of the dress Laura put bigger mirrored things so they look like an afterthought. The other female judges like it, but then out of nowhere Isaac says the model looks fat. Hmm…yeah, it’s too loose or something. Casanova reveals that this is his third dress, and then Georgina says she likes it more now. Still has problems though. You can’t grade on a curve. The bra part is made of braided pieces and it looks too heavy. The cut of the fabric is also giving the model a belly pooch. Josh says he’s pushing it. Isaac says congrats and also a slap on the wrist. He likes the top (whatever dude) but the shorts are so horrible the model basically flashed everyone. She’s wearing disco ball boobs. The back of the shorts stick out so far it looks like maybe it is supposed to be a skirt. Ivy used a bunch of garland, but her proportions are off, and the keyhole in front looks cheap. Carolyn is not wowed. Uli just kept adding things. Isaac loves her piling on of crap, but says the hem in the back is heavy or something. Piling things on doesn’t always work, you guys. The side panels are sheer, which is nice.

Anthony Ryan made an expensive looking dress in the perfect length. Uli’s dress was nearly perfect, and they love the embellishments. I don’t mind it as much in this challenge, because the unconventional materials challenge has different criteria, I think. But in general? Not a big fan. Laura’s dress is deemed “perfectly OK.” Also it seemed like it was heavy. Ivy’s dress didn’t work and was boring. Actually they argue about if it’s boring. Josh’s outfit was unconventional but the shorts were a travesty. La La wants to give Casanova credit for recovering from his failures, but Isaac doesn’t. Yes, listen to Isaac. No extra points for your sob story.

Laura is in. The winner is Uli. She’s very excited. When they get to the Scrap Bin the guy is right there with her watch. Nice. Josh is in. Ivy is in. Casanova is out. Ivy cries that she wishes she could trade places with Casanova because he’s such a good friend. She walks in all crying, and Laura comforts her, and then they all have to be told Ivy isn’t actually going anywhere, it’s Casanova. Way to make it about yourself. Casanova is touched everyone cried.

Next time: a fashion face-off. I’m not sure, other than that everyone is shit talking each other like they always do.