Project Runway 8/29/13--"Shoes First!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to go outside and pretend to like it. Then they had to make “high fashion” looks inspired by the outdoors but not looks you can actually wear outside. Jeremy tried to manipulate the judges with a letter to his husband, although I did like his dress better than what actually won, which was Alexandria’s dropped crotch capri pants. Whatever. Justin tried to make plastic lace out of hot glue and put too much of it on his dress. He was eliminated but Tim used his save and saved him. I saw several comments on the emotional manipulation of this move, and that this was all set up because Justin is deaf and it’s heartwarming to save the nice deaf guy or whatever because deaf people can do anything. I hate to say that I wouldn’t put it past them. I mean, I thought for sure they would let Jeremy win when his husband’s grandmother died. So I’m sure this is part of their story. Everyone can save their anger for when someone good is eliminated and Tim can’t save them. (click for more)

Justin is grateful for his second chance. Duh. The rest of the morning conversation is that same sentiment stated in a million different ways, interspersed with people who want to win.

Heidi has some gladiator sandals on to distract you so you don’t notice her dress is the exact same color as her skin. Justin says he’s glad to be back, and if he seems like he’s still choked up about it, remember they film this part in the afternoon right after the elimination so all that stuff from the Scrap Bin just happened like, less than an hour ago. Heidi makes a bad pun and sends them to Marie Claire. Dom claims she guessed the theme at this point.

The Marie Claire closet has a giant wall of shoes. A lot of them are ugly. Tim welcomes them and introduces the editor-in-chief. I really want them to pull out like, a purse from behind a rack and ignore all the shoes. Just because. But no, they will be inspired by shoes. Because women love shoes, you know. They pick out their shoes first before their clothes. Whatever. Dom thinks this is pretty straight forward but wait, there are buzzers on the floor. Quiz time! Ha! Ken is nervous because he’s self-taught. Good. Not all the shoes are up for grabs, only the ones they have in multiple sizes. Alexandria doesn’t have to take the quiz, because she won last week. Nice. She picks out some knee-high gladiator sandal boots.

Of course Ken gets the first question right, and immediately snots that it’s embarrassing all these educated people don’t know anything. Shut up, Ken. He takes some gladiator sandals, but short ones. Jeremy goes for knee high black boots. Karen takes some heels with thick elastic straps. Helen has had her eye on some black boots with studded toes. Kate wants weird orange plastic swirly deals. Alexander takes boring beige wedges. Justin has some print platform heels but his answer was “Kinky Boots” which is funny. Of course he knows Broadway. We are down to Miranda, Dom, and Bradon. Bradon takes flat gold smoking slippers. Dom gets some platform brogues in bright colors. Those are ugly. Miranda wisely avoids the metallic blue hi-top sneakers and takes some red smoking slippers. They have 20 minutes to sketch. Kate’s shoes are like, orange plastic spirals without soles. Like, they just spin around your foot, and there’s a heel but part of the bottom of your foot is exposed. A lot of people seem to be repeating whatever the shoes are like. Gold shoes means gold fabric. You get the picture. Miranda is going for plaid as is Alexander.

Time for working. Alexander realizes Miranda is also making pants with her plaid, like he was planning to, and he freaks out. He knows if he makes pants too, the judges will compare them and one of them will lose. Alexandria is realizing her boots/straps go up almost to her model’s crotch. Ken says something about proving himself. Bradon hand ruches his fabric so it looks wavy and “bubbling”.

Tim Time! Alexandria is trying to make her boots cute. It seems to be a black dress. Well, but those boots are crazy, if you make a crazy dress, then that’s too much look. Justin thanks Tim for saving him, who says “You need to be here”. Uh huh. His colors are too matchy with his shoes. Miranda has a jacket that is similar to her houndstooth jacket and that crop top she got in trouble for. Her blouse fabric looks cheap. Tim pretends to Alexander that no one will compare his plaid pants to Miranda’s plaid pants. Ken says something about a coatdress maybe? It is dated. I can’t handle his interviews. He bugs me. Bradon’s wavy fabric looks interesting but in the end, it looks wrinkled and it’s making me want to smooth it out. He decides to make just a top and not a whole dress. Kate gives Tim a sketch because she doesn’t have a lot done. Jeremy doesn’t either, apparently. You guys better get on it. I think Jeremy’s idea is a chiffon sweater and miniskirt with knee-high black suede boots. OK. Dom is told the judges will either love it or hate it, but Tim likes that she will walk that line. Karen has matched the colors in her shoes exactly. Not good. Helen is making something simple but more tailored, because she’s gotten in trouble for her tailoring. Tim nixes some fringe or something.

Model fitting. Nothing really exciting happens, which is too bad. Ken asks Miranda about her plaid, and as she talks about lining up the lines and it’s probably close enough and whatever, Ken rolls his eyes at Helen. Then DON’T ASK HER ABOUT HER PANTS. Jackass. Stop trying to act like you’re a nice person if you’re just going to be an ass when people answer your questions. Jeremy and Alexander have some kind of weird fight and I have no idea why. Ken interviews about it but he doesn’t make any sense either, just acts better than everyone. Bradon calls his boyfriend and cries.

Runway day. Miranda only has to put in a zipper. Alexander thinks he can beat her. Bradon has to hem a circle skirt and he wants to do it by hand. Alexander’s model can’t get in the pants because the ankles are too tight so he has to cut them. Hot makeup guy Scott. Frantic working.

Heidi is dressed in her usual tight, short, and shiny. Guest judges are the editor-in-chief of Marie Claire, Anne Fulenwider, and also Kelly Cuoco. Ken: very short black skirt and a black top with a peplum. The top has cap sleeves and is made of leather? Something pebbly? I guess it goes with the shoes. The skirt hem looks bad. Alexander: skinny pants in red plaid, and an asymmetric white top, sleeveless with a crew neck. The front has some origami-type folds that continue down to the bottom of the top. It’s interesting, and the pants seem to fit well. Miranda: because OF COURSE the two plaid pants are together. Miranda’s top seems to be a shell and jacket combo in brighter white than Alexander’s. Her pants look OK, but I think they’re pleated? Somehow they look fuller at the pelvis. And these are also high-waisted, but the top and jacket are cropped so it’s obvious. I think I like Alexander’s better. Dom: short sheath dress with short sleeves, in the exact colors of the shoes. The shoes which are platform wingtips. In teal, orange, and purple. It is terrible. The colors don’t quite go, and the colorblocking is weird, and it’s quilted, and those shoes were ugly to begin with. Justin: he had the printed platform heels. His whole outfit is black, with tight pants and a corset and a leather shrug. I could describe it more, but when it came out Tom and Lorenzo tweeted “Tell me about it, stud.” I don’t think I can improve on that. I lied, there is something weird going on at her hips and it looks bulky.

Alexandria: first of all, either the model has leggings or the boots have kneepads, and one is significantly lower than the other. It’s a short black sleeveless dress with some lace detail at the neck. The sides of the dress are longer than the front. Yeah, those shoes look dumb but I don’t know if that’s on purpose. Karen: sheath dress in black and neon yellow on top. The skirt is just a pencil skirt, but the top is like, a V of yellow and that’s it. I think the sides are open. You can’t tell, because there is a simple jacket and the model doesn’t take it all the way off. Bradon: well, his shoes are flat gold loafer-type shoes. And the outfit is a full skirt in brown satin, and the top with the wrinkles or waves or whatever, in beige. The top makes her look wide. The whole thing looks old. In the top among the wrinkles are some gold bits. Kate: black mullet skirt, or possibly pants with a giant slit up the front of each leg. Which is why it looks like a mullet skirt. And a long sleeved white top with a collar buttoned up to her neck and some terrible buttons. This top looks terrible. The seaming is like, diagonal across her chest, and looks uneven, and the buttons don’t look right, and the two sides of the collar look like different sizes. Ugh. Jeremy: black miniskirt, or maybe a simple black dress. Over the top is a chiffon “sweater”, that looks like a thick cable-knit sweater would look only sheer. Actually it turned out better than I thought it would. The top has a sheen to it, and the outfit looks good with the tall boots. Very 80s. Helen: knee length black dress that is pretty simple, but over the top of it she has a cape? A sweater? It looks like it comes down to her elbows and hits further down in back, but there aren’t armholes. It changes the shape to something more interesting.

Kate, Karen, Dom, Justin, and Alexander are safe. So Dom’s ugly dress and shoes are safe, and Kate’s horrendous shirt. Of course. Is Dom ever going to not be in the middle? Alexandria made a simple dress because her shoes were so crazy. Heidi loves the shoes, and she thinks the dress is “whimsical and feminine” to counter the hard shoes. I do think in real life, you would wear something really simple with those shoes, but this is not real life and I’m bored. Nina says it’s editorial. Zac is not wowed because he doesn’t like those shoes. Jeremy’s top is actually gold sequins, under the chiffon. The cable knit is supposed to match the gold chain on the boots. Heidi doesn’t think it’s modern. Too much going on. Nina wishes he did something “rocker”. Zac is questioning who he is as a designer, which is usually such a dumb complaint. Helen didn’t want to overwhelm her shoes so everything is tailored. Nina wants it, which is how you know it’s great. It’s very classic and refined. Everyone loves it. Miranda’s jacket is white leather and she says “rock and roll” which is weird. Heidi actually asks if she knew Alexander’s print was similar to hers. OF COURSE she knew. She’s not a cool girl, which means Heidi doesn’t like it but Zac does. He says if she’s not going to do “the cool girl”, that’s fine but she didn’t go far enough. Nina says it’s not retro enough either, and the red shoes and red plaid says “Christmas”. Ken wanted edgy, and Heidi liked it so she was surprised when she found out Ken made it. Ha! They all like it but no one will talk about how short it is or how I think the hem is not so great. Bradon tries to argue his satin outfit is for day. It’s very retro. Nina loves the shoes but she wishes Bradon had made something simple, maybe brocade, but it’s so overworked. Everyone really hates it.

They seem to be giving Alexandria extra points because she has crazy shoes? It could have gone wrong so easily? I’m not sure. Ken is mostly coasting on his fabric. Helen’s dress is very simple but they do agree it is well fitted and tailored. Bradon’s top is way too complicated. Miranda’s outfit is not cropped in back. I mean, in the front the top and jacket are the same length, but in the back the jacket is shorter and the top is down to her butt. Jeremy is struggling.

Helen is the winner! She’s got her confidence back. Ken is in. Of course he feels he should have won. Alexandria is in. Jeremy is in. Oh, they love Bradon. So of course he’s in. Miranda is out and she’s pretty upset about losing on an outfit she actually liked. She tells everyone how great they all are and whatever before she leaves. Tim is proud of her. He is really going on and on about how great she is, which is weird and maybe he regrets not being able to save her? Stand by your convictions! Be yourself! That was weird.

Next week: Tim is dressed like a referee which is sad. Wheelbarrow races and an obstacle course, Heidi seems to be in the workroom so I guess we’re designing for her active line again? Ken and Helen have a fight and Tim has to talk to Ken about being a jackass. I hope that’s what it’s about. Kors is here so he and Zac can combine forces.

Project Runway 8/22/13--"Let's Go Glamping!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: we basically repeated the second episode, only with different teams and a different sponsor and different unconventional materials. Jeremy won, because the judges were mean to him last time. His look was fine. Team Dysfunction (because there always is one) was Ken, Alexandria, and Sue. Ken was pissy from the beginning, and I found out there were two things I missed. One was that upon gathering around the cars, the girls asked Ken if he was going to chauffeur. Whether or not that’s a sexist thing or a racist thing, still not OK and it means Ken was not the only person contributing. Then in one of the stores Ken said he wanted a gun. Lovely. Alexandria looked like she was the nice one but on the runway threw everyone under the bus, earning a “don’t even look at me” from Ken. Sue can’t sew, and everyone knows it, but Ken went about telling everyone and being a total bitch about it, so when they sent Sue home they pretended like they would send Ken home too. (click for more)

Also Fashion Week is the first week of September this season. So they’ll have 8 collections, I think, which for them is positively sparse.

Jeremy is super excited and cheerful. The boys in the apartment pretend to be happy to have Ken around. He compares Alexandria to Judas. Honey she isn’t that bad. Alexandria claims she doesn’t to be sucked into the drama, but she was the one throwing people under the bus.

Heidi and Tim greet everyone. Tim calls attention to his camouflage suit, which is a crime. HEINOUS. Heidi claims she is also dressed for the outdoors, in her designer jumpsuit and stilettos. It’s ANOTHER product placement challenge. Shut up, everyone. I’m tired of this crap. Tim claims this is “a camping trip”. Ken quickly says he doesn’t like outside, but Tim clarifies this is “glamping”. Which is when you want to claim to be outdoors, but you have a big tent and beds and a generator for electricity. You might as well buy an RV. I don’t like the idea of “glamping” just on principle. You should have to sleep in a tent on the ground.

Everyone runs around because they have 30 minutes to pack. They all say “glamping” 400 times until it has lost all meaning. Someone has a camo bowtie. Miranda hopes for paintball because she wants to shoot some people. That would be fun. Finally they get to the campsite, which is very pretty. Tim pretends he pitched the tents. Unlikely. Someone from the product placement is here, which is a brand of bottled water. Sigh. They will have to design something inspired by nature and “your activities” which sounds ominous. This is Fashion, not something you would actually wear camping. Dumb, they should have to make futuristic camping wear with built-in solar panels and shit. They’ll stay overnight, then go to Mood in the morning and have the rest of the day to sew. Tim then bails. He was probably wanting to get out of that stupid suit.

Karen has been real camping so she thinks this is a breeze. Ken complains about the bugs. Justin actually is really pleased to be outside because in the workroom, he can listen to people or work on his design. He can’t do both because he has to be reading lips. So hanging out without having to sew is a great opportunity for him. The girls eventually notice Alexandria is not around, because she is literally hiding in the bushes, sketching. She says now she’s in the bottom so she’s lost confidence. There is rafting. Not really white water, but rafting. Also a zipline. Jeremy is noticing they are all actually pretty nice people. Ken’s still complaining. OH MY GOD STOP SHRIEKING. It’s just a zipline. Later around the campfire Justin teaches everyone how to curse in sign language. Hee! That’s awesome. Eventually everyone starts sketching and doing work. Ken claims now he is having a spiritual connection and it’s cleansing for him. Whatever, maybe all his shrieking got it out of him. Jeremy writes a love letter to his husband and decides to use it in his design somehow. Oh, they have real food! Stupid! Justin asks if everyone has a favorite sound to listen to, which for some reason seems really sad. S’mores are made, so at least they’re doing something that is like camping. “Glamping”. Ugh.

Oh, it’s so sad everyone has to pack up! “Pretend Survivor” is over! Whatever. $300 suggested budget. Mood is Mood. Nothing really crazy happens but Swatch looks cute. Actually Justin is going to make lace out of glue from the glue gun. And in one of the shots you can see a display of books. There are two books side by side, a book by Tim Gunn…and one that is blurred out. Ha! No product placement for you!

Tim appears and claims the workroom is tranquil. It is now. Ken says it’s a good thing they didn’t run into a bear. No, that’s a terrible thing. A bear would have kicked ass. Alexander says “Or a tiger”, which is kind of sad when you think about it. Ken’s all, Alexandria’s still here. Ha ha, jackass. She kind of rolls her eyes, but no one else laughs so that’s something. They do laugh when Alexander says something about “pulling out the knives”. Actually, there is very weird, loud laughter that starts and stops abruptly so who knows if that’s when it’s from. Bradon is doing some kind of embroidery which seems to involve sewing long lines back and forth to make a vertical print. Helen complains about it for some reason I can’t figure out. It’s too loud in the sewing room maybe? Jeremy paints his love letter on his fabric. Both Ken and Dom are water-inspired. Justin’s glue lace looks like it might be cool. Alexander is planning a long gown that has to be fitted perfectly. Alexandria is making a jacket. Bradon’s stitching maybe isn’t working.

Tim Time! Karen has a white/beige gown because of the tents, but it’s boring. Right now it’s just a long column with a band over her boobs. Tim loves Justin’s lace. He doesn’t want to play it safe, and Tim was going to tell him not to play it safe, so they’re on the same page. Alexander is making bark out of leather, I think, but it may be bottom-heavy. Bradon has almost nothing, because he’s spent too much time embroidering. He says he’s inspired by moss, but he has bright blue and yellow. Tim tells him he’s distracted by the embroidery because it looks like a children’s drawing. I’m not sure if he’s going to continue or not. Alexandria has a great shape but she also has dropped-crotch pants which are terrible. Tim hates them. Ken has some weird folds over the chest or something, in what looks like crushed velvet. Eh. Jeremy has super bright primary colors which is weird. He has to execute well. Helen has a beige masterpiece of strips and folds. That sounds worse than it looks.

Model fitting. Kate appears to have black electrical tape in a butterfly kind of pattern. Alexander has a perfect fit. Alexandria’s model likes her outfit. Bradon has nothing to put on his model, which is a bad thing. He kind of explains what he’s doing to his model, who points out Karen’s loose shapeless gown. Bradon stares, goes “Huh.”, and then puts his head down. I think that’s what he was going to do until he saw what it would look like. Helen’s fabric looks like a moth, which is what she was going for. It’s all beige layers and strips and it does look sort of like a moth. Ken goes around kissing up to people he likes. Helen’s fabric pattern, when put on a person, looks like a vagina. Heh. Alexander complains that Karen, Helen, and Dom are really loud. He says “Witches of Eastwick” so I guess a point for the reference. They really are loud. Karen asks Alexandria how’s it’s going, and she mumbles that it’s good, thanks for asking, but she’s really busy and she leaves. I don’t know if she doesn’t like Karen because of the noise, or she is shy (probably not that one), or she is trying to get away from the noise without having any conversations. Once she’s gone Karen and Dom laugh at her denim outfit so I don’t really blame her for escaping. Alexandria says she’s OK with not having any friends here. Alexander is hand-painting branches and putting leather pieces together. Karen is now dying her garment so she’s hoping it works. Bradon is having a crisis because he can’t get anything to work.

Runway day. Ken asks Jeremy if he can purchase his immunity. Ha ha, jackass. I know that wasn’t bitchy, but that is my reaction to whatever he says. Karen has a hairdryer which is pretty ominous. Tim appears to give them two hours to get done. Alexander is tearing all the leather pieces off his look, because his new idea is to just have big solid blocks of leather. The effect ends up looking like the whole train is leather, starting right where it hits the floor. Bradon is looking like he’s about to freak out. BUT I am making a prediction that he is fine, because I think the judges like him too much. Kate’s garment is so full her model looks pregnant, but I don’t think we even saw her talk to Tim so I’m sure she’s fine. Justin’s plastic lace is stretching and snapping which sucks. Hot makeup guy Scott. He flirts a little bit with Bradon which on the one hand makes me very pleased but on the other hand, Bradon just proposed to his boyfriend. The usual last-minute frantic working. Justin has a lot of glue on his dress. Bradon is still sewing at the last second. They’re trying to get rid of static, which isn’t working. Well, at least he has something.

Guest judge is Allison Williams, who is on “Girls”. Helen: long beige dress with a skirt covered in thin strips. They make a diamond kind of pattern and look less vagina-like than previously. But it wouldn’t look like a moth unless she had a big train or possibly a cape. Does look like a lot of work, though. Bradon: bright blue and yellow dress, with the collar made of the embroidered fabric. The blue is set over the yellow, and they’re cut asymmetrically so they flow and are supposed to move a lot. It’s belted right under her boobs and she kind of looks pregnant. It’s just cut haphazardly and looks ragged. Miranda: long black dress, with the skirt covered in blue and yellow petals. The top doesn’t look fitted, but the petals at the bottom are kind of cool. Ken: short dress in a dark green that looks like crushed velvet. You know, that kind of dark mottled look. Across her chest are the layers of folded fabric. I think he took long thick strips and folded them back and forth. This is green and red and white, but it just looks terrible. If she had any kind of chest it would be horrible. The back has a keyhole, but it’s not fitted properly so it looks like he forgot to zip up her dress. Zac has adopted Nina’s habit of shading his eyes with his notecards to see better. Hee. Alexandria: first of all, dropped-crotch white capri pants. Like, they end at her knee and the crotch comes down to maybe 4 inches above that. The denim jacket is OK. Ken pretends to like the pants. Jackass. Actually the jacket from the front is just plain, flat with a zipper and a crew neck. The back has a big keyhole and a piece of fabric like a bustle, but in the middle of her back. Those pants look like she tried to make a skirt/leggings combo but failed.

Alexander: long dark blue dress, very well fitted, with a train of black leather. Interesting. Justin: long dress in a light charcoal. The bodice comes down right above her crotch, and then there’s chiffon layers for the skirt. The glue lace is along the top of the bodice, then down the front in a narrow stripe and a big patch at one hip. I think there is also a strip of lace across her butt. Dom: long columnar dress in a mottled print, with a wide circular collar in black shading to blue. Karen: long piece of fabric that has belts above her boobs and as straps. Then the fabric just hangs of that with no shape. The dye is an ombre yellow which looks a little uneven but not horrible. The model is also kind of tripping. Kate: super full white skirt and a black pelt and black harness that looks sort of like if you tried to make zebra stripes out of electrical tape. She looks really pregnant. Jeremy: long flowing gown in silk. The silk parts have writing on them, and then there are random big triangular panels of beige, almost sheer. It looks cool although I kind of wish the whole thing was silk somehow.

Dom, Bradon, Kate, Helen, and Miranda are safe. So…Bradon is safe? I told you. Also I liked Dom’s. Karen tells the judges she was inspired by the tents and African safaris. Heidi thinks she looks trashy. Trashy? She’s covered from armpit to the floor. Nina thinks it looks like a beach dress but then she has leather fringed booties on. Hmm, that’s not good. And they think the yellow looks like an egg but I don’t think it’s quite there. Jeremy gets really philosophical about his place in the universe and as expected, the judges fall over themselves for the love letter. There is a row of white round buttons along her side that they love too. Those are pretty cool. Ken says something about the river or cliffs or something, I had to rewind. Nina is so bored she spells “boring” instead of just saying it. The chest thing is really heavy and she doesn’t like her styling. Ken says something about how this is what Mother Nature would look like. Mother Nature would look like Adele? That’s what she looks like, big hair and all. Maybe he was going for Gaia from “Captain Planet”. They all hate the top of the dress, and he can’t talk his way out of it. Alexander did paint his gown with branches, but I can’t see it at all. He’s up there for the fit, though, because it’s so perfect. Not everyone likes the leather, but I think they kind of at worst don’t care about it. Well, except for Zac, because he is bored with this one. The hand-painting is black on dark blue, and it looks cool but is hard to see. It’s very dramatic. Justin hopes to impress everyone with his lace, but it’s starting to flop and hang weirdly. They are OK with experimenting, and everyone kind of works around it but then Nina just goes for it: white + frothy looking + hip placement = “foaming vagina”. I love Nina. See, if Kors was here she wouldn’t have to say that, but I love that she’s stepping up. The sheer panels are weirding Heidi out, as if she doesn’t wear more revealing skirts all the damn time. Alexandria still cannot speak well on the runway. It just makes her mumble and babble and she can’t get her point across. Of course, because everyone is insane, Heidi loves the look and the model’s white eyeliner and hair poof. Nina goes so far as to claim the pants are like long johns. Oh, Nina. You were doing so well with the foaming vagina comment. Zac is all, I hate poofy pants, but I love yours! Barf. This is because Ken was such an ass to her, wasn’t it? So you want to praise her in front of him just to drive it home that he’s not so great. Sigh.

Back in the Scrap Bin Karen cries about how much work went into her dress. I care less than I care about Justin crying about taking a risk and getting dumped on. They still love Jeremy. Alexander’s dress is dramatic. Even Tim is getting in on the dropped-crotch thing. Tim wishes he had told Justin to reel it in. He was trying to be original though. Ken didn’t pick the right fabric and his model is top-heavy. They are bored with Karen.

Alexandria is the winner. Ugh. Whatever. She has immunity. Well, at least Ken is dying inside. Jeremy is in. Alexander is in. Ken is in. Justin is out. WEAK. Karen is in. I love Justin. Karen goes back to the Scrap Bin to cry. Before he leaves the runway he thanks the judges for letting him prove deaf people can do anything. Boom, guilt trip. Justin is not ready to go home at all, he has so much more to show. I would agree. Everyone gets up to hug him, because he’s pretty distraught, and then Tim comes in as he’s thanking everyone for inspiring him. Tim’s crying too. He says Justin is one of the sweetest people ever, and he believes in his talent, and Tim is USING HIS SAVE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Justin is determined to work his butt off and show the judges he can succeed.

Next week: Marie Claire, shoes, multiple people making plaid pants, Ken saying something stupid about playing the game or something. But Justin gets to stay!

Project Runway 8/15/13--"You Choose Your Materials!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make outfits for bowties and Bradon won, then proposed to his boyfriend. No one lost, because Sandro had a breakdown and walked off set. Now we are down two people who probably should not have been cast on a television show. Woo.

Bradon is glad Sandro is gone because at least it will be quiet. Helen has no sympathy and says he was just due for a blowup. Oh, now, let’s not forget that the whole reason you got mad at him was because he wouldn’t acknowledge the judges were mean to you. Jeremy now understands how to interpret challenges, since he was in the bottom three and got some feedback.

Heidi is wearing some weird disco/art deco jacket. Tim will be in the Meatpacking District to meet everyone with “surprises”. “Proceed with caution.” Whatever. Karen is wearing a silver cord as a headband. The kind that go over your forehead, not across the top of your head. Tim is waiting for everyone with a bunch of cars because it is time for more product placement. Lexuses (Lexi?) for everyone to drive around in. Also teams of three! Yay. Ken, Alexandria, and Sue. Ken says Alexandria talks too much and Sue doesn’t know how to do anything. Kate, Jeremy, and Karen. No drama at the moment. Justin, Dom, and Helen. And Alexander, Miranda, and Bradon. You must make a “luxurious, high-end mini collection that is three looks.” Each person must make an individual look. The cars can be inspiration but they don’t have to be. The suggested spending amount is $1500 per team which seems like a lot. The GPS in the car is set to three different places, and they must use materials from two of them. Because it’s unconventional materials again. Wait a minute. 1. Be inspired by the product placement, then 2. Work in teams to 3. Make clothes out of unconventional materials. I just saw this episode TWO WEEKS AGO. Come on. I never thought I would wish for a “design for Heidi” challenge. The three locations are a vintage wallpaper store, a specialty food store, and a home goods and party supply store. They have one day.

Even though they don’t have to be inspired by the cars, all the designers are talking about the design of the cars and picking up shapes to use and blah blah. I’m so irritated by this episode already and it’s been 5 minutes. I will say, though, that they do appear to be letting the designers actually drive the cars. Justin feels bad for Ken. The home goods/party supply store is like a combination of Bed, Bath, and Beyond and Party City. The vintage wallpaper is really cool looking. Mostly people are buying things at the home goods store, but the wallpaper store is doing some business. Ken and his team seem to be buying a lot of drapery and shower curtains. They are also arguing about what they’re going to actually buy and holding up the line. I don’t think anyone else bought as much actual fabric. Dom and her team are buying dried berries to use like beads. Bradon’s team decides white with silver as an accent is fine. Ken whines about teamwork and how his team lacks it. I am sure he is certainly not helping that situation.

Time to work. Team Dysfunction is not cohesive. It sounds like Sue can’t make patterns, which is not unheard of on this show. Lots of people just make shit up. Of course in Ken’s eyes it means Sue is useless. I’m pretty sure she didn’t say she didn’t sketch. If she’s making her own outfit what do you care? Ken bitches in the sewing room about both of them, while Alexandria and Sue fight amongst themselves about something else. I mean, I’m glad to see it’s not just Ken, but whatever. Miranda is quilting her wallpaper. Ken gives his team the side-eye and announces that everybody should be sewing right now? Sue says she can’t sew when she doesn’t know exactly what she is doing, and Ken wants her to get a foundation, so she doesn’t have whatever she did last week. I’m tired of this already. It’s like Sandro left so Ken decided he could be the villain and just started being an asshole. He declares that there shouldn’t be draping and when Sue says her client is 35-40, Ken just looks down his nose and says “I don’t design for 40 year old women.” You should, they have the money to pay you. Sue interviews that she’s taking a backseat so they can get something done. Jeremy has placemats. Dom and team are using the car for inspiration.

Tim time! OH, but he brought Sandro. I’m shocked they let him back on set. Tim says he’s there to say goodbye and bring some closure to everything. Sandro asks for forgiveness if he made anyone uncomfortable. He actually specifically apologizes to Helen and Ken, without that half-assed “I’m sorry if you misunderstood me” crap you get sometimes on reality shows. He does seem contrite, but I’m not sure he decided to leave. I wonder if they wouldn’t let him back. Ken will miss him, but Helen is still firm in her decision that he sucks.

Tim comes back for real Tim time. Bradon and Alexander have used raffia blinds and they have that quilted wallpaper. Tim loves it all. Karen has some patchwork thing happening, but the minute Tim says “quilt” she gets nervous. He wants them to make it sophisticated. Jeremy and Kate get a passing grade, but a warning to not just use placemats. Helen’s team only spent $600 out of the suggested $1500. Uh oh. Dom says they didn’t need to. There’s some shoulder fins going on. Most of the clothes are wallpaper, and they look like paper. Team Dysfunction has like, curving collars and stuff. It sort of goes together, but Ken is making faces. Tim calls him on it, and Ken says the girls are “vomiting” too much information. It’s Tim. He wants too much information. That is his job. Ken has pleated some placemats, and he gets praise because they don’t look like placemats. Sue is using a curtain, and Tim says it makes him sick. They might as well have gone to Mood. He accuses Sue of throwing the whole challenge, then asks her if she’s ever seen the show before? Heh. She should know what to expect from an unconventional materials challenge. It’s true, they don’t want fabric, they want you to use something else and make it look like fabric. Tim basically says she could go home just on principle. While Sue is protesting, Ken smirks and ruins any superiority he might have gained from being right. You can’t be an ass about it. Tim, because he is AWESOME, turns from Sue right to Ken and calls him out for smirking like an ass. “You think you’re going to rise above all this by smirking about it? That disappoints me too.” I love you, Tim. Ken learns nothing and tells Tim that this is the best Sue can do right now. Ass. There is just silence while everyone looks uncomfortable. Dom claims everyone is thinking it. Sue knows how to sew, and she can’t be bothered by shit people say.

Alexandria tries to brainstorm what materials they have left, while Ken just rolls his eyes. Not helpful. Helen crumples and irons the wallpaper so it looks like paper? Or not like paper? I’m not sure. Bradon’s team is behind. Model fittings. Ken micromanages everyone. He actually goes to Kate to find out what happens when your team loses but not everyone has a crappy look. You aren’t so great, Ken. Helen says pants are too conventional. Justin calls his family, which is cute. He’s emotional but mainly that’s because his pants aren’t working. I think. Bradon is helping his team a lot, since he has immunity. Jeremy is spreading glitter in stripes. Ken is also bossing Alexandria around, for some reason. She says she doesn’t have enough fabric to do whatever dumb idea he has, and he asks if Sue doesn’t have more of whatever (in a bitchy tone of course) and they both just stand there. So he gets all offended and says he’s done talking. THANK GOD. The girls roll their eyes and talk about how much they hate this. Ken’s not so great.

Runway day. Ken has decided to just take care of himself. Even if your team’s designs aren’t as good, at least it won’t be as obnoxious in the workroom. Miranda is behind. Actually, probably everyone is behind. Justin’s pants aren’t working. Jeremy is really confident. Ken can’t handle only minding his own business so he’s all worried about if Sue has started sewing or whatever. He’s also putting duct tape on his dress which is annoying to him but it’s unconventional so it’s probably fine. More annoying to me is his weird harness he’s made from skinny white belts. For himself. Hot makeup guy Scott. Lots of freaking out and frantic pinning and stuff. Sue is hand sewing everything because as we’ve seen, she has trouble with the sewing machines. When Tim calls time, her dress is not done. As in, Tim has to get Alexandria to leave the sewing room before she can sew it together so it’s not open in the back like an apron. At first no one at all will leave the workroom which is kind of funny. While everyone is standing in the hallway, Sue has finally gotten the outfit on her model, although it’s not fastened or anything. Or sewn up the back. Tim goes over and says this is unprecedented but he has to stop them because it’s not fair to everyone else.

Guest judge is June Ambrose. She is wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Seriously, they are like, fuzzy half-circles on her head. Alexander: beige crop pants made out of wallpaper with a silver windowpane, and the top is silver with a fluffy white scarf or collar that looks white fabric with fringe. I think this is the blinds. There is also a wide tan belt. It’s interesting. Miranda: silver short dress, in a pattern (I think all the silver is the same wallpaper) and a deep V sleeveless top in the windowpane. It looks cute but not super exciting. Bradon: long skirt made from blinds that is gathered at one hip and a simple top. It’s very impressive, moreso because it looks like it could be real clothes. There is a long train.

Justin: pants made from wallpaper in a yellow-brown print, and a white top with no sleeves and a red collar. The hemline of the top is longer on the sides than in front, and the collar is berries that go along the front in a crew neck and then the whole back is open and lined in berries. The back is cool. Dom: short brown dress in the same wallpaper as the pants, with a red berry belt and shoulder fins. There are arcs of fabric attached to her shoulders that stick up like fins. It does make the dress more interesting. Helen: plain white dress with a big balloon skirt that has a lot of volume and ends at the knee. There is a little origami flower on the front.

Sue: so I’m not sure how Sue got anything sewn together so her model doesn’t have to hold her dress together. Short dress with one shoulder strap, in gray. All down the front is some black, and I’m not sure where that came from because as they were all running around before the show I don’t think I saw any black. Actually it looks like the black is stapled on somehow. Ken: one shouldered gray top, with a black belt and a black skirt. It is not that exciting but it’s alright. He and Sue both made boring dresses though. The front of the skirt has a sheen to it, but the back is clearly duct tape. Alexandria: OK first of all, you can hear her garment because the plastic is squeaking. Hee. It’s a plastic skirt (or duct tape maybe), and a silver sleeveless vest with a high collar that stands up to her chin, with an asymmetrical closure. Hey, it’s more interesting than the other two. Not that that’s hard to do.

Jeremy: strapless dress that hits just below the knee, with a peplum and vertical stripes of glitter down the sides. Glitter. Karen: short dress with cap sleeves and a high crew neck. It is a patchwork, but the patches are random and separated by thin strips of a sheer netting or open fabric of some kind. It doesn’t look that bad. Kate: short black dress, with a high slit and a very deep V. I’m not sure what it’s made out of, but the model is walking very carefully. It also looks like there are some clear pieces on the sides. I’m not sure.

Jeremy, Karen, and Kate are the winners. Ken, Sue, and Alexandria are the losers. Oh, like that’s a surprise. Heidi makes sure to tell Bradon, Alexander, and Miranda they were a close second. Kate says some random stuff about futuristic. There are clear panels in her skirt. Sigh. It looks tacky to me. I just noticed Heidi’s top is really low-cut. They love Jeremy’s dress and the fit, and Heidi says her boobs look great WHICH THEY DON’T. I’m sorry, they don’t have any support and the cups are riding low and they don’t look great. There is also a lot of talk about the car which is dumb. They talk about how great everything is but in terms of being a mini-collection, I don’t think these three looks go together. But of course, this is Kate and they mentioned the car a million times. Even Nina is talking about the car which makes me a little sad.

Team Dysfunction. No one wants to talk, no one knows what is going on. No one has anything to say. Sue and Alexandria are speaking so softly the judges can’t hear them, which is a little bit funny. No taste and bad sewing on all three, says Zac. Alexandria’s skirt, on close-up, is a lot of horizontal layers, which actually is kind of cool. The judges hate on it for a while. It doesn’t look expensive enough for Nina. Out of nowhere Alexandria loses it and says sorry (not sorry) but one-third of their team doesn’t know how to sew. Wow, I thought it would be Ken who started that. Sue tells the judges the most important thing for her was team harmony. Ken claims he and Alexandria had to stop their own work to make sure Sue had clothes. I saw Alexandria do that but not you, Miss Diva. I seem to remember you claiming you were done helping. Alexandria says something about the principal’s office? And Ken tries to pretend he was a nice person. Turns out they offered to help Sue with patterns so saying Sue asked for help is not working for you. Alexandria tries to nail her about not using the sewing machines, but Sue wants to be perfect which means sewing by hand. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Nina interrupts and says they’re all focusing on Sue but the other two garments suck also. Thanks, Nina. She goes on a rant for a minute, and Heidi is like “We didn’t know Sue can’t sew” and Nina is all “Well NONE of you can sew!” I love Nina. The only piece Nina kind of likes is the one with the cutout in the back which is Sue’s. Ken explains they spent a bunch of money on curtains and other fabric items. Alexandria tries the “we did our best but it was hard” defense but that never works. Everyone had a hard time. Ken throws Sue under the bus for not having her model dressed when they left. Oh, they suspected that. Ken of course thinks Sue should go home. Alexandria, who maybe is doing a lot of speaking before she thinks, basically says Sue sucks at sewing but is easier to work with. Specifically she tries to say how Ken makes you walk on eggshells, but she says “walking on glasses”. Ken turns to her all scary because of course he expected Sue would overshadow everything. Alexandria is stuttering and finally, after a direct question from Nina, sort of explains how Ken is hard to work with. She’s not speaking her case very well. Ken attempts to pretend he was just worried about details and he had no idea they hated working with him (probably, I’m sure he didn’t notice much past his ego) and then when Alexandria tries to talk he says “I am speaking.” Ass. The judges look at each other. Maybe that look was edited in, I don’t know. Basically Ken leaves out the part where he had nothing but contempt for his teammates and he was an ass. No one asks Sue who she thinks should go home.

In the Scrap Bin Sue feels betrayed. Jeremy asks if she really thought they would carry her along. Am I missing something? Does Sue really suck that badly? Because right now it looks like everyone else has decided to gang up on her when they could just let her fail. Ken says something really dumb about breastfeeding, and then stops talking. Alexandria starts to say something, and he says “I am speaking so I need you to be quiet.” You stopped talking. Also no one wants to hear you anyway, jackass. I wish Alexandria would tell him off but she doesn’t. Of course he’s mad at her, and has the balls to ask her not to look at him. Who does that? Now he’s going to sit in silence so no one is uncomfortable and blah blah, that involves you SHUTTING YOUR DAMN MOUTH.

Tim admits he yelled at Ken and team, and also that Sue’s model was actually sewing her own dress. Not good. Zac says that Alexandria’s outfit is well made and has clean seams. Tim wants to speak up and tells them she at least tried to get the team together. They know she was scared of Ken. Ken even intimidated Tim. So if that is all that comes out of having Tim on the runway, that’s good. He can tell the judges when people are jerks in the workroom but pretending to be fair and polite on the runway. They hate his outfit. They can’t say enough about the winning team. I still think Kate’s clear panels are kind of tacky and Jeremy’s was kind of boring. All agree the choice is between Ken and Sue. Nina says they have to decide which is the weakest garment. HA! Like they care what the garments look like.

Jeremy is the winner…eh. Was his garment “a major wow”? I don’t think so but most of these outfits weren’t that great. Sue is out. Shocking. Heidi makes everyone stay on the runway like they’ll eliminate Ken too. Sue knows this wasn’t her best work. She admits to the Scrap Bin that this stuff hurts her. Alexandria is in. Ken is in. Like they were going to eliminate two people. He says he’s safe, and then sits on the couch and cries. It is seriously uncomfortable in the Scrap Bin. No one is saying anything to anyone else. Tim won’t save her so that’s it. Everyone hugs Sue although I’m sure she doesn’t hug Ken. That ass won’t even stand up from the couch to say goodbye. I have no sympathy for you Miss Diva. Sue knows she can do better.

Next week: Tim is wearing a horrifying suit made with some kind of camo print. Everyone has to go “glamping” which is dumb. Lots of running around outside. Tim gets emotional.